#4: Improve Yourself
The more attentive amongst you might recall that the concept of this Source Code film is reminiscent of Groundhog Day, a 1993 film where Bill Murray had to prevent Andie MacDowell from blowing up a train.
In Groundhog Day, Bill Murray (played by Bill Murray) escaped his time loop by using every iteration of the loop to learn new skills, improving himself and ultimately becoming a better person. To use the language of those who are not nor ever will be better people, he was essentially "power-leveling." Although this did lend a nice arc to his character, time scientists now agree that for the rest of us it is actually advisable to act more like Bill Murray, rather than less like him.
#3: Avoid Frasier
In the classic Star Trek:TNG episode "Cause and Effect" the Enterprise got trapped in a time loop, doomed to continuously die in a fiery explosion after being run down by Kelsey Grammer.
"I'm fine, you big babies. It was five drinks. And I ate. I'm fine."
In this circumstance, escaping the loop was made more difficult because no-one could clearly remember they were in a time loop, which made the solution -- moving a bit to the left -- not quite as childishly easy as it sounds. So if you happen to find yourself in a time loop, try doing everything a few feet to the left of where you are right now. And if you are in a time loop, but don't know it, simply keep an eye out for Kelsey Grammer, and hurl yourself into a random direction as soon as you see him, even if it's just on television.
Oh shit -- there he is now!
#2: Find and Murder the Witch
Witches are constantly plotting and scheming, and with your ill-advised tendency to shriek insults at groups of women, it's entirely possible that you have angered a coven.
A typical coven.
Examine the people around you, checking for signs of witchiness. Cackle-like laughs and pointy shoes are typical signs, by also look for anyone immune to fire. Douse everyone you see in fire, and when you do find someone who doesn't burn to death, douse that person in water to kill them. It may seem less dangerous to do this the other way around, but that's witch magic trying to trick you.
Assembling a Cracked column is a painstaking process, typically taking 150 to 200 hours of labor, each word weighed and assessed individually to maximize comedic effect.
Accomplish this feat within the constraints this universe places on us would be impossible, so most of us columnists use a time-sunderer, which is a kind of multi-dimensional machete that Cracked purchased from a mysterious traveling salesman a while back. All of this hilarious manipulation of the space-time continuum may very well lead to our readers getting trapped in a time loop, where it might feel like they're reading the same list-based articles again and again. The only known cure for this is sharing Cracked links with friends, and enjoying the products and services of our sponsors. __________
For more one time travel, check out 6 Time Travel Realities Doc Brown Didn't Warn Us About. Or see why Bucholz is our resident time travel expert in 16 Possible Explanations for the Time Traveler Caught On Film.