#4. A Thunderstorm of Trains
When Pastaspace gets bored, the whole world benefits. Well, at least our world benefits. The world of Skyrim gets its shit pounded by hundreds of trains. Trains raining from the sky, slamming into an otherwise peaceful town, exploding on impact, and flipping violently through crowds of terrified citizens. All while happy, bouncy train music plays in the background.
The rainstorm of trains is good enough all on its own, but once you tear your eyes away from the surreal chaos, that's where you find another layer of genius. The citizens and guards are all programmed with their own dialogue, so as their town gets showered with locomotives, they all scream out lines like "What the ...?" My personal favorite: "No ... not like this ..."
We should seriously make it our life's work to make sure Pastaspace never, ever stops being bored.
#3. Not Safe for Work Due to Massive Doll Penis
I'm not saying a goddamn thing about this video, because to offer it comment is to taint its beauty.
#2. Shooby Taylor's Scat Song
This may very well be the stupidest thing I have ever laughed at on YouTube, and I refuse to be ashamed of that. When you hear this, you're going to swear that it's some dorky asshole doing some sort of bizarre meta comedy where he scats so bad, it becomes funny. Even if that was the case, I'd still laugh at it. But that is so not what's happening.
The song is called "Stout-Hearted Men," and it is done by an actual person named William "Shooby" Taylor, who had exactly zero comedy intentions when he recorded it. Here he is getting booed off the stage at the Apollo:
So knowing that he's real and scatting was his passion, imagine the initiative and drive it must have taken Mitchell Stewart to actually transcribe that song in the first video. The longer it goes on, the harder I laugh, reading that gibberish that gets more frantic and angry with every note.
#1. Thomas the Tank Engine Crash Compilation
Thomas & Friends was a children's show about a bunch of trains with nightmarish faces who taught lessons about ... whatever. Making sure your wheels were always properly greased or something. All I remember is that every other episode, one of the trains would crash, and I would giggle with childish glee. Even though I was in my mid-20s.
This piece compiles all of the train crashes, and when set to Drowning Pool's "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor," it becomes the darkest, most brutal video about anthropomorphic trains ever. Admittedly, that's a pretty specific category, but when you watch this thing, you can't help but admire how horrifically violent it is. After seeing those scenes set to that song, I'm genuinely surprised we didn't all grow up to be serial killers.