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You Don't Know Shit About Throwing A Rager: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Awesome Video Of The DayThe Coolest Kid In Melbourne

Remember that party you threw back in high school when your parents were out of town? That was pretty crazy, wasn't it? Remember how your friend Todd's older brother got you guys a bottle of Southern Comfort and a couple of 40s of Mickey's with his fake ID? That was so awesome. And then remember when those three girls showed up with a six-pack of Zima, and then someone put sardines and ice cream in the blender together and dared your friend Tim to drink it, and then he threw up all over the living room carpet? You guys must've stayed up, what, until like 2 a.m.? Good times, man. Good times. That was fucking NUTS.

Well it might make a nice memory, anyway, but it turns out that your dinky little high school rager was totally lame - this kid is teaching the entire internet how to throw a proper high school kegger, and, more importantly, how to play it off like a total badass after you get caught. Between the open fur-lined sweatshirt, the nipple ring, the ridiculous sunglasses and the totally nonchalant attitude, I'd say this kid has a bright future ahead of him as a professional party promoter. That or an ecstasy burnout. Or both.

Doesn't it kind of seem like the interviewer wants to laugh her ass off? She was probably there when it all went down, anyway. Australia is cool like that - the crappy TV reporters party with the high schoolers, the high schoolers throw rocks at the cops, and the cops fine the high schoolers' parents $20,000. Toss in a few kangaroos and an AC/DC CD and you've got the Australian circle of life right there.

You know what? Fuck it - I'm moving to Melbourne.

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Ross Wolinsky

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