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7 Words That Only Bad Movies Have in Their Titles

#3. "Robot"

There's a legitimate reason Hollywood makes awful movies with the word "robot" in the title. They're doing it as a preemptive strike in our inevitable war against the machines. After Robot Jox, Robot Holocaust and Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, every organization with "robot" in the title is going to sound stupid and corny. So thank you, bad pop culture. Because of you, when the first Robot Council forms, we're going to be laughing too hard to hear it demand our surrender. And if the robots turn out to be benevolent, it's not going to be any better. We'll laugh just as hard at the Robot Cancer Institute and Robots Against Drunk Driving.

Is there one that also includes the word "cop"?

Almost, but it's a pretty sweet almost.

#2. "Karate"

The focused offensive power of "karate" makes it both the fastest way to destroy bricks and the absolute worst choice for a safe word. For instance, screaming "karate" during sex is how seven of my girlfriends lost the use of their legs, and I was only watching for two of those. Yet despite those promising karate statistics, almost every "karate" movie sucks.

The standout of the 39 bad "karate" films is Slaughter in San Francisco, which was released under the names Yellow Faced Tiger, Karate Cop, Chuck Norris: Karate Cop and Chuck Norris vs. The Karate Cop. The cop doesn't do karate in any of them, so 25 percent of its alternate titles are racist, and the rest are wrong. Still, its only love scene is as close as many of us will ever come to being unwilling hosts to Chuck Norris' penis.

Is there another one that also includes the word "cop"?

Oh my God, yes.

#1. "Ninja"

Most foreign action movies get the word "ninja" added to them when they come to America. Yet strangely, when we export our own "ninja" movies, we change that word to "warrior" or "fighter." Probably because "American Ninja 3" is how you tell a stranger to suck your balls and asshole in Japan. Whatever the reason, America has ended up with more "ninja" films than any other nation, and you might want to think about that before you fuck with us, terrorists.

No one has done more for the genre than Richard Harrison. He and madman director Godfrey Ho made 20 actual movies with the word "ninja" in the title, and Richard can't pronounce it. Each one is chopped together from multiple films, but the plot is always the same: A team of good ninjas and a team of bad ninjas hate each other until one side delivers a final death challenge to take place in a public park. If you're a beginner ninja looking to try this, here's how it's done: Courier over a cheap statue or a talking robot to your enemy's office, then follow it up with a call. That's it, although if you kick total ass, consider answering this call on your Garfield phone. Read that last sentence five times and you still won't be ready for this:

These movies might not be critical successes, but they're very educational. They show that a true ninja is more than vanishing and throwing stars. It takes witty banter and a headband that has both a picture of and the word "NINJA." I'll show you what I'm talking about with this dramatic scene from Ninja: Silent Assassin.


You'll never be as anything as Richard Harrison is Ninja.

Is there one that also includes the word "cop"?

Of course ther -- hold on, wait. No? No? There are ninja condors, cheerleaders, robots and thunderbolts, and there isn't a movie where ninjas are cops? My God, is there any single way in which ninjas aren't unstoppably mysterious!?

Seanbaby invented being funny on the Internet at Seanbaby.com. Ninjas challenge him on Twitter.

For more, see 4 Unintentionally Hilarious '90s Teaching Methods or If Men's Magazines Were Way Manlier.

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