College is the greatest time in your life, but only if you screw it up. It's meant to be the greatest time in your life so far, while permanently improving you and the rest of your existence. That it's a wonderland filled with more adventures, sexy people and incredible scientific breakthroughs than the Bond franchise is a mere side effect. But students are sometimes too distracted by how they've just taken the safety catches off their genitals.
Luckily, sexual friendly fire is a lot more fun.
If you've just arrived in college: Congratulations! Allow us to correct the fact that you're already screwing around on the Internet instead of learning with some crib notes for the next four years.
7Don't Do Anything Easy
If you've signed up for a degree just because it's "easy," drop out and get a job. The shit you need to learn is way more important and isn't taught in college; staying is four years of making yourself even more unemployable. The point of college is to get better at things, and while only one of those is your degree, it's still important. If your only priority is screwing around, that tuition money can buy far better times than falling asleep in lecture theaters.
Doubles Jet Ski 101 is particularly recommended, and still cheaper.
An "easy credit" is also a waste. You're spending countless dollars and the most energetic years of your life, and you're happy to find a course that doesn't improve your brain? If you bought an empty box of chocolates, you wouldn't be happy that it's "easy" to finish. You'd be pissed off! Forrest Gump would be pissed off! And thinking less than Forest Gump is a good sign that you're losing at college.
6Choose a Subject You Care About
We live in the most amazing time ever to exist, a world where people can spend years upgrading themselves with a deeper understanding of something they love. This is new. It didn't used to matter if you were the next Isambard Kingdom Brunel: If your father was a poor plague rat masturbator, that was it, you had to take over the family trade when he died of the worst STDs imaginable.
You got soft little hands, college boy.
Now you can learn molecular biology, or comparative theology, or programming or ancient Greek languages or medicine or whatever you want. The STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics) fields drive the entirety of human progress, while the arts and humanities give us even more reasons to do that. But you have to care. You need either a love of the subject or a deep passion for getting paid later. Preferably both, but at least one. And yet every year we read scare stories about a million percent of new graduates being unemployed, followed by interviews with idiots who stumbled through a bare pass in philosophy and are now genuinely shocked that regurgitating the basics of a field where they were supposed to be learning how to think didn't work out.
If he'd read Marcus Aurelius instead of copy-pasting, he'd have a better job, or at least be more stoic about enduring this one.
If you drop your textbooks the instant the finals end, you're wasting your time with both. You don't scrape a pass and then clock in down at the Existentialism Mines. People do not order Gender Studies in the Works of Shakespeare to go at fast food restaurants. Those are important subjects, and their continued study is a vital function of academia, but if you're just turning up for attendance, your own time is worthless and your professor's is wasted. You are spending years to permanently alter your brain based on your degree. If that's scary, good -- you've just learned that you need to change your degree. I don't regret an instant of my physics training, even though my job is now overanalyzing He-Man. Because I still love and study science every day, and the scientific habits of research, analysis and logic are useful in every occupation. If you're not going to use it later, why on earth would you learn it now?