7 'Saved By the Bell' Plots That Prove Zack Is a Sociopath

#3. Selling Lisa's Clothes Out of Lockers

"Just do what I do when I do something wrong. Enjoy it, then deny it!" -the wise words of Zack Morris

Lisa gets good grades and her dad gives her his credit card to go shopping. She "goes overboard" and spends about $400. Before she even talks to her dad about it, the gang decides she just needs to earn $400 and pay her dad back. Zack takes over the money-making scheme and begins with a little raffle time in class. The item they'll be trying to win? A chance to make out with Lisa.

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Zack is pimping out his friend to help fix her debt, and when she says she feels cheap, his response is "You're not cheap. We made $36."

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Which if you adjust for 1989 dollars is still child prostitution.

The next part of the plan involves having Screech rig the lockers to open with a remote and display Lisa's clothing for their classmates to purchase. The first item up for grabs? Lingerie "worn by Lisa, while dreaming of Screech."

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At this point we should just be grateful they aren't filled with drugged-up teen runaways.

It's startling how quickly Zack turns a friend in need into a PG-13 prostitute. He even makes Kelly model the goods, strutting through the hallway in an alluring bathing suit like a streetwalker teasing out potential business. Saved by the Bell was originally conceived as a live-action Saturday morning cartoon. But like the greatest villains, Morris seemed to have a hold over the people who created him. Technically Zack isn't benefiting from this scheme, but realistically, he's testing the waters for the high-end prostitution ring he will one day construct.

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"Who needs 'friends forever' when you can get her friendship by the hour."

#2. Subliminal-Message Tapes and Dressing Screech Up as a Girl

The setup for this episode seems like something Zack dreamed up himself. At Bayside, for the Sweetheart Dance, every boy in school has a giant heart necklace with his name on it that he wears at school until he asks a girl to the Sweetheart Dance, then she wears it.

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We assume they had to hold a special assembly to explain to him what a heart is.

Then in ... some class, they learn about "subliminal messages" and Zack gets a brilliant idea! He makes a tape of what we learn to be Belding's favorite song ("California Girls") to try to brainwash Belding.

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"Brain" might be too strong a word in this case.

The only reason Zack is trying to brainwash Belding is because Slater has convinced Kelly to go to the Sweetheart Dance with him instead of Zack.

"If this works on principals, why can't it work on girls?" -Zack Morris, failing humanity again. Zack then decides to use his newfound skill to trick girls into dating guys against their will AND make the girls call the boys "master." YIKES!

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"It's a Rapesmas miracle!"

Don't get the wrong idea about the whole dressing-Screech-up-as-a-girl thing. That's just part of his scheme to sneak into the girls' locker room to give Kelly and Lisa tapes about Zack and Screech, thus brainwashing them into having romantic feelings for them.

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He later helps the school win the Valley/Bayside "Lisa Loeb Off."

But then Jessie listens to Zack's tape and gets brainwashed too! Oh no! Obviously, the teachers are involved, because if there's one thing the teachers of Bayside never turn down, it's a chance to teach Zack a lesson!

Of course it "backfires" and the whole school loves Zack and he learns his lesson for one second and then just continues scheming because everyone thinks he's adorable and harmless. Nobody seems to recognize that Zack is displaying the late symptoms of being a full-blown date rapist and the early symptoms of becoming a brutal fascist dictator.

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"Oh, you!"

#1. Telling Everyone Slater Is Dying to Convince Him to Move to Hawaii

In "Aloha Slater," Slater's dad is going to get relocated to Hawaii, but Slater doesn't want to go because he has such great friends here. This throws the decision to relocate into question, probably because Slater has way bigger muscles than his dad. Slater sees Zack as one of these friends, which is perfect for Zack, because he sees Slater as a game piece to be played against the other humans. Friend pieces have this vulnerability called "trust," which means you can get them to move in any direction you want. In this case, Zack sees his friend Slater's potential move as an opportunity to force him out of the running to be Kelly's boyfriend. So he tells the gang Slater is dying.

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"He caught some weird VD from sitting backward on toilets. His dick fell off and everything."

Yes, dying. And he has to go to Hawaii for treatment but doesn't want to go! So obviously the only way to convince Slater to go get his treatment for his terminal illness is to be really mean to him so he won't WANT to stay at Bayside. Of course, poor Kelly offers to go to Hawaii with Slater and Slater figures out what's happening, so now Zack needs to keep Slater at Bayside to keep Kelly. It's all very complicated.

The important thing is, somehow the girls end up mad at Slater because technically Zack has made it seem like Slater was in on it by the end.

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"They'll get over it." --actual quote/series summary

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Erin Mallory Long

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