7ShotgunWhy it's awesome:
The shotgun is a better anti-zombie strategy than cremation. Whatever magic makes corpses immune to bullet-holes gives up when those holes are a foot across, because even things that don't need a heartbeat find limbs quite useful. And as games like Left4Dead teach us, headshots become head-erasers.
Sixty down, 6 billion to go.
At close-quarters you don't even need to aim: pump-actions turn you into a chick-chacking death machine, while double-barrels convert a crowded hallway into an escape path lightly misted with Eau De Corpse. Undead ups the ante with a triple-barreled monstrosity which can only have been built by MacGuyver's evil twin.
You're now a zombie because:
That's 300 percent more phallic than an actual penis.
A shotgun has a worse "safe area" to "huge noise area" ratio than a Space Shuttle launch, which at least takes people places zombies can't follow. Firing a shotgun clears a few meters ahead of you while summoning everything in a mile radius to fill it again, so every shot generates a net increase of zombies.
Repeated shotgun blasts are the zombie equivalent of ringing a dinner bell. It says: There's food over there. And every time it fires there's one less zombie ahead of them in the queue. You serve by stopping to reload. The multiguns are even worse: Undead's trishotty is about as wieldy as an angry rhinoceros and even worse for your survival chances. Burning through ammo at triple the rate instead of bothering to work at aiming makes it the Hummer of guns. It's a more impractical use of multiple barrels for defense than Donkey Kong.
6FlamethrowerWhy it's awesome:
They're the ultimate in crowd control as long as you remember to laugh maniacally and do air quotes for "control." Because the Geneva convention doesn't give shit about zombies. Flamethrowers kick so much ass that even countries who've decided they're going to spend the next few years murdering each other -- but it's totally cool with every other country because they called it first (war is weird) -- agree not to use them.
After World War II, even the people who'd just fought through World War II thought "Jeez, maybe those things were a bit much."
The usual downside is carrying a huge flammable tank on your back but zombies can't take advantage of that. It's like an alien spaceship boss finally fighting a colorblind pilot: massively overpowered weapons and they can't see your weak point! The zombies' only advantage are numbers, and that only makes your Flamesgiving Day bonfire that much brighter!
You're now a zombie because:
Burning sucks for people because it uses up all the air (which zombies don't need) and causes incredible pain (which zombies can't feel). A real burning human body doesn't melt away like an ambulatory enemy candle, either. If you are fighting a tinder-dry undead monster which ignites like it's been wrapped in kindling, you're fighting a mummy. And dead, because all you've done is burn them down to a Cursed Charred Skeleton which is +5 invulnerable to your fire.
Zombies are gooey so you need to keep applying external flame to keep them lit, and unless you're using an oxacetylene torch you're not actually getting rid of any zombie in the process. You're just making sure they enjoy flame-grilled flesh when their burning jaws bite your face off. You'd be better off handing them primed grenades and hoping you've run away before they work out how to drop them. Oh, and since you also tend not to fight zombies in space or underwater, now the entire area is on fire and you can't see or breathe. But that won't be problem for long.