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7 Everyday Accomplishments That Make Life Worth Living

#3. Boning Someone

Obviously boning someone feels satisfying, as per the typical definition of that word.

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"That was textbook, Barry."

But aside from the flood of serotonin we get during orgasm, which we can always recreate ourselves with a closed door and firm grip, the basic act of boning someone is satisfying for another reason. This is perhaps best summed up by the mid-coital thought process that goes a little bit like, "Wow! This person finds me attractive! Probably!"

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"It's Brian, but you're welcome."

Again, this is just another form of external validation, in this case of the time and effort you put into tidying up your disgusting body.

#2. Seeing Someone Bone Something You Made

You might think that this isn't really much different from seeing someone "enjoy" something you made, although recall that "enjoy" and "bone" aren't always synonymous.

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One can only enjoy boning a sock full of potato salad for a few seconds before the Sadness sets in.

So, if the thing you made is made for loving, then watching people put their thing in the thing you made and make it with that thing will be very satisfying to both you and hopefully them.

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And confusing to everyone else.

#1. Seeing Someone Flee Something You Made

As discussed, seeing someone enjoy and/or bone something you made is very rewarding, giving you a sense of validation and approval that only a third party can provide. But if your creation is something that can't be enjoyed, per se, if indeed your creation is meant to make people suffer, like if you took several of your Romance Socks and attached them to a building-size Roomba, then you'll always have a lingering sense of doubt about your accomplishment until you see it on the loose, harvesting fluids.

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"It will be the doom of man, Ted!"
"You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that."

And if you're the type of person, and you probably are, who derives sexual pleasure from seeing people flee in terror, this feeling is magnified, leading to even greater satisfaction, and probably harsher sentencing when it comes to that.


Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and one day wright of the doom of man. Join him on Facebook or Twitter to beg him to reconsider.

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