I aim to capitalize on this hatred. I've collected footage from seven films in which unacceptably famous celebrities play characters that die horrific deaths. Even with an audience willing to grant the suspension of disbelief, these stars still can't help but drag their big, stupid personalities into every role, and humanity collectively cheers when a killer bleeds it out of them.
David Caruso-King of New York
I'm still holding out hope that David Caruso is playing an elaborate hoax on the world. Somewhere between NYPD Blue and CSI Miami he was clearing out some old things and decided he didn't need functional social etiquette anymore. He has lost all context for how regular people interact with one another, which is a crucial skill set for actors. Perhaps in a very literal attempt to avoid insulting co-stars, he refuses to talk down to anyone; instead he stoops as low as he possibly can and then looks up like a dog that just defecated in the study again. It's especially absurd to watch when he has to talk to children.
"Unlike you and me, not every murder case is...black and white."
Despite the hail of insults and fast food I'm assuming he's pelted with daily, David Caruso maintains remarkably high self esteem. It's nice to see him knocked down a peg once in awhile, or more literally, shot in the face.
Paris Hilton-House of Wax
When humanity turned against Paris Hilton it wasn't prepared for her to live so long. There was an early and hard sprint of hatred with no consideration for how exhausting it would be in the later laps. In recent years she hasn't done anything to redeem herself but it's almost too tiring to offer her any more attention.
"I'm serious, Paris. Get the f*ck off of my lawn. This is getting old."
Still, I'm doing it. Quiet hatred is still hatred. Each time she climbed out of a car vagina first, or answered her phone during sex, or wept like a child in the back of a cop car, everyone cried "rehab!" but only for the shame it would bring her, no one actually wanted to see Paris Hilton get better. On the inside, the world was whispering a prayer that that someone would throw a stake through her face instead. House of Wax answered that prayer.