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6 Types of Gender Inequality That We Need to Just Accept

Physicality

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I kind of like the idea of a really strong woman manhandling me and putting me in my place. If April Hunter ever had a yearning to kick my ass, I'd roll with it. However, women of imposing physical stature are few and far between these days. Female bodybuilders are generally looked at as anomalies, while huge dudes with vascular necks and wee, precious little change-purse style scrotums are a dime a dozen.

Fact is, men are physically more imposing than women, on average. If 3.5 billion men and 3.5 billion women had an enormous tug of war, the men would win and the ladies would all fall boob-first into the mud pit. You can't deny this. It's biology. Science. Manliness.

There's a reason men are the go-to jar openers the world over, and no amount of gender sensitivity training can change that. Nor should it, really. It's all that penis and ball hormones running through us; we can open shit and lift shit and sometimes even hurl shit. Ladies can also do that but, like, 23 percent less effectively. Point: men.

Reproduction

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Men can lift all the cinder blocks in the world, but at the end of the day no penis has ever squirted forth another generation of human life, and thus women take this one. Those 3.5 billion men who won the tug of war? They all fell out of vaginas.

As far as the gender lottery goes, women have the upperhand in terms of their ability to end the entire species if they so choose. No matter what power a man wields, the power to stop an entire bloodline is one not to be trifled with. If women got together and decided, "Eh, good run, humanity, let's see how beavers handle the earth from now on," and just stopped reproducing, there's not a lot men could do with their well-opened jars, names peed into snow banks, and higher paychecks. And sure, you could argue that men could just as easily stop reproducing, but to that I guffaw. If a man and a woman had to wait each other out in a sex contest, you damn well know who's winning. Women hold the cards in this little game of Go Fish. Not that this would realistically ever happen, but you get the idea. Women control the entire fate of humanity; men control urinary penmanship. Point: women.

Final Score

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Oh, did I somehow make this even so that neither men nor women have an advantage at the end? What are the odds? If I were being honest, I would say that society does seem to favor men over women in a lot of ways. At least, that's what I perceive. Is it fair or right? No, but that's what it looks like. That said, this kind of shit is very much in flux. There are a lot of men in the world who aren't assholes and don't treat women like shit. There are a lot of women who aren't vacuous airheads and have more value to them than a pair of delectable boobs and a fine heiney. We all know this, but old stereotypes and simplistic, one-dimensional understandings of the world at large die hard. Ladies in sitcoms will always get together and enjoy a mimosa while sharing stories of how men are pigs, and rappers will record albums about all the hoes they pick up with their money. The rest of us kind of shrug and let it happen because it's someone else doing it and we don't think that way, so we're OK.

So who wins the battle of the sexes? No one? Everyone? Doesn't matter, why the heck are we having a battle anyway? We should totally make some BBQ and get in the hot tub.

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Felix Clay

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