Cracked Columnists

6 Things People Get Way Too Worked Up About

#3. Grammar


I make a lot of jokes about other people's typos, but those are jokes, and they're not about going "Ha ha, this person made a typo, what a fool!" but about the end result, which is usually a funny sentence with a new, completely different meaning. If someone substitutes "their" for "there," I don't really care, other than the fact that I will never ask this person to proofread my resume.

Not everyone feels the same way. In response to an article about a legal battle between Apple and Samsung, of all things, one commenter had nothing to say about the alleged misbehavior of both parties, or people shouting in the courtroom, or anything boring like that, but he was straight out pissed about an error in subject-verb agreement.



I guess it was all worth it, because they corrected it. This commenter's new vein in his forehead will bear testament to his brave sacrifice that prevented an article about one day of a patent trial from having a slightly incorrect subhead.

#2. Customers


Probably one of the things that causes the most irrational flip-outs is customers. Now I know a lot of customers in retail and food service are entitled jerks, and it's understandable (and entertaining) to complain about some of the worst offenders, but some people go way overboard, like this sandwich shop worker.

There is only one word for someone who is hoping to buy their coffee and their sandwich in the same shop instead of at two separate stores, and that is "SICKENING."

If someone is trying to be helpful about a broken pipe by informing the nearest open business in the hopes they will be able to find the proper authority, what they really need is a good self-fisting. And that leads to the worst offense of all, walking in the door of an establishment.

When one commenter points out he may be getting a bit too worked up about too many little things, he tells them to calm down, as if they were getting hysterical.

So go ahead and check with the previously linked article in #5 if you want, but I believe this would be the correct time to use the word "ironic."

#1. The Way Other People Dress

You would think that it's every adult's own business how they dress, and if they fuck up, they're grown-ups and can deal with the consequences of nobody wanting to date them or be seen with them. But not if they are fat. Then it's everybody's business.


See, I agree that when people are beyond a certain weight, they sure as hell don't look very attractive in tight clothing. But this is one of those subjects where people seem to feel that it's their prerogative to go beyond "I don't like looking at that" to "Those people shouldn't be allowed to do that."

One guy seems to feel that fat people should be restricted from wearing specifically Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch clothes for some reason. I can get behind that, because nobody really should be wearing clothes from those stores. (I might just be biased because of their previous racism flaps.) But some of the vitriol directed at fat people who make bad fashion choices seems a little excessive.



Fat cows and bitches, that's not crossing any boundaries there, totally reasonable.

Another thing people seem to be rather high-strung about are skinny jeans. Again, these aren't the best-looking pieces of clothing I've ever seen, but I don't think this level of fury is proportionate:

Bodybuilding forums

Or this:


I wouldn't suggest searching for people's thoughts on fat people wearing skinny jeans.

Check out more from Christina in 6 Reasons Kittens Suck (Learned While Raising Them) and 6 Ways Cities Are Getting Into the Attention-Whore Game.

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Christina H

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