6 Reasons It Is Impossible to Quit 'World of Warcraft'

#3. "Isn't it all just repetitive grinding for gold and XP? How does that not get tedious?"

Via Wowsnatch.com

The Short Answer:


No, Seriously ...

Seriously, no. I mean, yes, it used to be that way in the beginning, but the game designers learned a pretty powerful lesson in the first couple of years: If you don't continually add things to the game, it gets old, and mofos leave for whatever new thing Game Informer is currently sucking off on its cover. Usually some goth-looking character in an emo pose, trying to come off all badass. Or Mario.

Via Hoganmedia.wikispaces.com
Oh no, he's going to stab me! Quick, play some Morrissey to ease his bloodlust!

But the problem with this reputation is that it's been pretty hard to shake, no thanks in part to pretty much every MMO and RPG ever created. And of course Diablo III, made by the same company, that is actually purposely centered around grinding. WoW has actually put forth a pretty successful campaign to end that style of gaming for those who choose not to do it. Yes, it's still there, but only for those who get off on that sort of thing. For the rest of the players, they've introduced quite a few other routes to leveling, including killing your friends' stupid faces completely off. Hell, they even have a goddamn Pokemon section of the game now, so if you get bored with leveling your character, you can just name your character Michael Vick and literally have dog fights in public.

For that matter, I have friends who log in to the game and just buy and sell items in the auction house, playing it like a virtual stock market. No leveling at all. Just buying and selling imaginary items for imaginary money. I don't talk much to those fucking psychopaths anymore, obviously, but they're still demonstrating one of the many ways that crazy people can play the game without falling victim to the tedium of kill, loot, kill, loot, kill, loot ...

Via Joystiq.com
"What? They looked at me funny."

#2. "How can you stand continually paying for a game every month? Most games you can get for $50, you have to have like 20 times that invested in WoW. Aren't you getting screwed?"


The Short Answer:

No more than anyone who has cable TV, or has purchased a porno at a hotel, or has any budget set up for any sort of entertainment at all.

No, Seriously ...

My Direct TV bill without discounts is roughly $80, and I rarely watch it, if at all. I've spent $60 on games that I beat in one day and never took out of the case again. I pay for Netflix to watch movies I've already seen and, in some cases, I already own. I pay for Xbox Live so my son can talk to his friends while they kill zombies together, when they could easily just hang out in either house and do the same thing in person. My whip polisher alone charges $1,200 a week. Paying $15 a month to play a game that you've already bought sounds absolutely insane to people who don't know anything about that game. I totally get that.

"Wait, you do realize you're trying to explain to me why you don't belong in an institution, right?

To me, it's 50 cents a day, which is less than I put into a pop machine. They're offering a service that I could easily say "no" to -- nobody is pointing a grenade dildo at my ass and making me give them money. But I do it because I've seen what they do with those funds. Besides buying themselves houses made of gold and Armani suits made of orphan skin, they actually spend money to create awesome things that make me happy. As well as hiring administrators to clean up the dumb cunts who make the game unenjoyable.

As long as they keep putting out content that's fun, I'll keep paying, because handing over $15 every month for consistently fun content that is always changing and evolving makes much more financial sense to me than paying $60 a month for a game that I may get a few days of enjoyment out of before putting it away and forgetting I ever owned it. Right, LEGO Star Wars?

Via Thunderboltgames.com
"Hey, I'm gonna make a sandwich while you beat that. If you're done before I get back, put in a movie or something."

#1. "This Panda thing looks incredibly retarded. Does playing it mean you are retarded?"

Via Nogamenotalk.com

The Short Answer:


No, Seriously ...

Look, I have to give you this: I have yet to meet a person who watched that video and said, "Oh, man, pandas are the new playable race? Finally! This is going to be awesome!" I've been told that Blizzard claims that pandas were the number one most requested race by players, but I've yet to meet one of those people, as evidenced by my completely normal-sized knuckles, unharmed by high speed contact with human skulls.

But the truth is, those of us with any sense of self-respect and humility will not be playing that buttfuck stupid idea for a character. When we buy the expansion, we're basically paying for the new dungeons, new areas and increased level cap. Anyone who buys the game so that they can pretend to be Kung Fu Panda isn't old enough to be playing online video games in the first place.

John has a Twitter where he sometimes accidentally breaks international peace agreements.

For more Cheese, check out 4 Video Game Complaints We're Just Going to Have to Get Over and 5 Reasons 'Diablo III' Represents Gaming's Annoying Future.

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