Being a one-hit wonder is a trivia-night badge of honor. You can always take solace in knowing that, somewhere, a drunk 24-year-old is saying, "'Take On Me' by A-Ha!" and scoring a point for his team. But aside from that, not a lot comes from having the descriptor "They did one big thing and nothing else of note" attached to you.
But sometimes you rise above having a three-minute section in VH1's I'm Just OK With The '80s. Sometimes, you do what these six people did and rise above every expectation that was ever set for you after you and your annoying song fades from the limelight.
6Gerardo Is Responsible For Some Of The Biggest Hits From The 2000s
Describing the appeal of Gerardo to people is impossible.
He's a bunch of adjectives and jackets that have been blended together and told to embarrass their back-up dancers' movements, no matter what. "Rico Suave" is a baffling exercise in entertainment, meant to engage a demographic that had decided that the keys to attracting a woman's interest were bandanas ...
... and father-slapping.
As trumpets yell what must be "Help!" in trumpet language, Gerardo shifts from side to side and foot to foot, creepily rapping about not doing drugs and "eating [women] raw like sushi." No part of that phrase sounds appetizing, which if you're making a reference to cunnilingus, should be a top priority. If I had heard that as a child, my first response would've been, "Well, I guess I'm done with women and/or basic human interaction, then." Every English line in "Rico Suave" could be followed with "And I keep 'em in my basement!" and nothing would sound out of place. Try it if you're bored or Gerardo sometime.
What Came Next:
He signed Enrique Iglesias and Bubba Sparxxx and gave them their first major doses of attention. As an A&R executive for Interscope Records, he was the one to discover these two powerhouses. And I use the word "powerhouses" in a deadly serious fashion. I once watched a girl choke on her Jello shot because she was more interested in yelling "WHOO!" than getting oxygen when "I Like It" started playing in a crowded bar. And Sparxxx's "Ms. New Booty" was basically the anthem of my North Carolina high school in junior year. You can argue about whether or not Enrique is actually a good entertainer or just vice president of Pitbull's Fan Club all you want, but Gerardo helped bring us "Bailamos," a song that's the tl;dr of this part of the entry. Nothing else needs to be said.
Now, Gerardo makes his living as a church youth pastor. And that's awesome, as long as he opens his Sunday school with a prayer meant to slowly absolve the world of "Rico Suave." Forgive music, for it knew not what it did.
5Edward Bazalgette Now Makes Your Favorite Doctor Who Episodes
"Turning Japanese," like "Rico Suave," is a song that seems to have been dropped from another dimension to represent an entire career in one swoop. I know that it's nice and fair to give people a second chance, but when you make "Turning Japanese" or "Rico Suave," trust me, I feel like I have a good idea of what's coming next.
Edward Bazalgette was the lead guitarist of The Vapors, and I hope I'm not offending him when I say that I listened to half of The Vapors' first album before going back to "Turning Japanese" six more times in a row. The other stuff is not bad, but when you release a song like "Turning Japanese," you're basically standing naked in your lawn to show off your house's new paint job. I'm sure it's a nice new shade, but everyone is gonna be looking at your dong. Forever. Plus, what he did after The Vapors is so much cooler.
What Came Next:
Edward Bazalgette went on to become a director and producer. He did stuff like a killer documentary on Genghis Khan and episodes of EastEnders and Poldark. But his greatest accomplishments came with three recent episodes of Doctor Who. You may have heard of it.
Now, a lot of former musicians make the transition into doing TV or film work. It's only natural, when you fail utterly, to decide, "Man, what about getting into movies?" And I don't mean to sound completely negative, but these endeavors usually end with the musician describing their "vision" and the critics describing how their bowel movements relate to said "vision."
"Compare me to your poop, internet. I dare you."
For Bazalgette to get near universal acclaim for his Doctor Who episodes is commendable and rare. And he didn't just receive acclaim in a way that's usually reserved for people who are relative outsiders to TV. He didn't get the padded gloves approach where pop culture writers tip-toe around their usual critical points and talk about the musician-turned-director as if they're a blind dog whose final wish was to make an episode of television. He's praised for his abilities in nearly all areas, which you never would've guessed had you simply stopped paying attention at the sixth go-round of "Turning Japanese."