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6 Near Death Experiences Caught on Video

YouTube has given us a lot of things: vlogs, Fred, one billion parody videos of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" starring adorable kittens instead of saucy black ladies. And now, finally, it's given us something to make up for all of that horrible, horrible bullshit: The ability to watch people nearly die from the safety of our own Cheeto-stained ergonomic office chairs. I'm not talking about hillbilly fireworks accidents or teenage skateboard shenanigans, either; I'm talking about very real, extremely terrifying and possibly bowel-exploding, first-person POV accounts that chronicle what it's really like to survive the scariest disasters possible. You can experience all of it -- the thrills, the adventure, the adrenalin -- and you don't even have to put on pants! In fact, you probably shouldn't (See: Bowel Explosion, above.)

#6.
Avalanche

Skiing is a shorthand term for the act of daring God to neuter you. It consists of strapping two unconnected sticks to your legs, then falling down a mountain while trying not to do the splits. It takes balls to do that, if only because you've got to have some to lose on the way down. But for those who have grown truly jaded with the sport, there is Extreme Skiing. There are no established courses, no snow patrol to rescue you -- just the sheer cliffside and two pieces of wood that you've strapped to your feet for some godforsaken reason.

If you're unlucky on your run, you might crash and end up cartwheeling for a few miles until inertia gets tired of messing with you. If you're really unlucky, you might skip across some rocks on the way. If the very concept of karma has sworn a blood vendetta against you, you might get caught up in an avalanche, be crushed by thousands of tons of snow and then buried alive to die slowly from suffocation. Luckily this guy was just kind of a bastard in a past life, so he miraculously survived this ordeal despite being completely buried for four and a half minutes. The audio cuts out on his helmet cam when the avalanche catches him, which is why you only hear unintelligible, high-pitched squealing after the fall (that's his story, and he's sticking to it).

The Exact Second They Knew They Were Fucked:

"This is intense! I'm doing it, I'm really doing it! Man, you were right, Dave! This really gets the old blood going an- Hey, real quick: Mountains are supposed to crack, right?"

#5.
Missile Attack

According to CNN, there are two types of places in this world: America and war-torn hellholes where people eat rocks every day and "missile attack" is a type of weather pattern. And about eight seconds into this video, you realize this ain't America. The videographer is Shlomo Wollins, of Israelreporter.com, and for the record, he did survive this attack (though tragically, he lost the ability to share embed codes for his videos from that day on). The video was taken during an Israeli backyard barbecue that was cut short on account of hurtling death from the sky, as is wont to happen, when Wollins stepped out of his house to report on what he unfortunately thought was the aftermath of the attack. Tragically, that lull wasn't the end; it was just halftime in the Missile Bowl.

The Exact Second They Knew They Were Fucked:

"Welp, that's it. It's over, everybody! One missile a day, that's how Hamas operates! Besides, those stupid Palestinians couldn't hit an elephant at this dista-"

#4.
Rockslide

Somehow, it is a hiking video that most perfectly illustrates the oldest horror movie cliche in the book: "Never assume that it's dead, because it always comes back for one final scare." We join the video with the cameraman watching his presumed girlfriend as she descends a steep, rock-strewn slope. Why is he filming this otherwise unremarkable moment? Maybe it's because they're going on an adventure together, maybe it's because they want a memento to remember their trip by, but it's probably because she's backing down toward him ass-first and he is but a man, with all of man's weaknesses.

Suddenly, the girl stumbles and comes flailing down the mountain. Before either of them can react, it's already over: She's been stopped by a boulder. Everything's OK. It's aaaall OK now. Then, before she can finish the sentence "That was scary as fuck," half the goddamn mountain comes loose and charges the cameraman like he littered on the way up while yelling, "What's the Earth gonna do? Sit quietly and take it like a little bitch, that's what!"

The Exact Second They Knew They Were Fucked:

"Yeah, that was scary, honey, but you're OK. It's OK, and I'm right here. And hey, you think you're down for a quick fear-hump? No? That's cool I guesSHITBISCUITS I REGRET EVERYTHING."

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