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6 Movies That Actually Deserve a Remake

#3. C.H.U.D.

The original C.H.U.D. was about underground mutants -- Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers -- who, after being mutated by some grossly misplaced nuclear waste, decide to attack and consume the world's normal folk. This fails to satisfy them for some reason.

"BLARGH! WHY ARE YOU HUMANS SO OILY!?!"

I'm actually a little surprised that C.H.U.D. hasn't already been remade, because of its status as a cult classic. That alone should ensure a lot of people would go see the new one, and, even if it is completely fucking terrible, that would still represent a pretty substantial improvement over the original.

What the Remake Could Look Like:

Go meta. Have the concept of the remade C.H.U.D. be that the producers of the original film, lacking the makeup budget to adequately represent mutated humans, simply exposed unknowing extras to radioactive materials prior to filming. Then, once production wrapped, these extras were left in the sewers, where they survived and thrived, their population growing until the year 2012, when they rise up to retake the streets. The protagonist can be a film studies major who uncovers the truth while working on a school project. And he can be called Ron Filmman, because that's the kind of movie we're making here.

#2. Westworld

Westworld had a great premise. It was about a futuristic theme park where visitors could play out their biggest fantasies. Grouped into themed worlds, like MedievalWorld and WestWorld and FranceWorld, its biggest selling point was its hyper-realistic androids, who would let you fight or fuck them as necessary, always letting you win.

Faced with Android Yul Brynner, what would you choose? Answer honestly.

It was also made in 1973, so there's a lot of room for improvement with the special effects. And indeed, this one has apparently been floating around on the remake rumor list for awhile now.

What the Remake Could Look Like:

Although the technology is obviously much, much better now, resist the urge to jazz this one up with too many special effects. This is at heart a suspense film. Keep the Androids and the Murders and maybe increase the Doing It With Androids by another 70 percent. The movie will probably be more about Murderous Sex Androids than before ...

But that's OK, because that's an incredible idea.

#1. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids is the semi-classic Rick Moranis comedy from 1989 about a man who builds a thing that accidentally shrinks his children. They get set loose in the lawn and have to deal with various yard hazards like bees and scorpions and lawnmowers. By the end, everyone learns a valuable lesson about ... something. It's been awhile since I've seen it. It was a Disney movie, so something had to be learned. Don't Go into Dad's Secret Room, I guess.

"I cannot wait to fuck that apple."

What the Remake Could Look Like:

The original HISTK has actually aged fairly well, as far these things go, but this concept is so fantastic that there's room to take this in an entirely new, darker direction. So here's what we do: We go full-on disaster movie.

More kids. Hundreds of them. Make the Rick Moranis character a madman on the hill who thinks kids are too fat and fires his shrink ray at an entire high school. The whole rest of the film is just a bloodbath, the entire student body shrunk down to a quarter of an inch, running for their lives, getting brutally torn apart by ants and spiders and birds. Have a janitor who maybe gets abused by the kids early on, and then when they're all shrunk he just goes apeshit with a floor buffer. No dialogue; just a smile, so we know that he knows exactly what he's doing and that he loves it.

Then at the end of the movie, no one learns a thing.

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Bucholz has gotten less terrified of human contact! Make him reconsider that by liking his Facepage or bothering his TwitterBox!

Check out more from Bucholz in How 7 Iconic Movie Characters Would Do In a Zombie Attack and The 13 Most Ridiculous TV Shows to Ever Get Green-Lit.

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