As we've pointed out more than a few times on the site, even the most iconic movie villains occasionally find themselves wrapped up in kooky master plans that seem like they were specifically designed to punch reason in the brain. Sometimes it's a perfectly executed gambit that retrospectively hangs on dream logic, and other times it's an evil scheme so convoluted that it would make Rube Goldberg use a contraption made of lifts and pulleys to elaborately shit his pants.
Then there are those villains who opt to skip the over-complicated planning entirely and instead go for schemes that make no goddamn sense right from the very first nefarious laugh. Like these ones!
6Thanos, Obsessed With Finding The Infinity Stones, Gives His Only Infinity Stone Away
In the post-credits scene for Age Of Ultron, Thanos walks to his space vault and dons the singular rhinestone Infinity Gauntlet, like a big, vengeful Michael Jackson. As the film cuts to black, his vow to "do it myself" no doubt shocked theatergoers everywhere at the revelation that Thanos can actually walk ... let alone do anything himself beside float in space like a bulky fuchsia lump of cosmic shit.
He's probably also taking one while he sits on that thing.
To recap, Thanos has been with us since the first Avengers, in which he gave Loki a magic scepter to go to Earth and retrieve the Tesseract, a magic interdimensional box that happens to contain one of the six Infinity Stones that Thanos needs to rule the universe or to finally bang Death (seriously!) or whatever. It's insanity. Anyway, we later find out in Avengers: Age Of James Spader that the scepter Thanos gave Loki had an Infinity Stone inside it the whole time.
It's like a nesting doll of MacGuffins.
This means one of two things: Either Thanos was too dense to know that he already had one of the Stones in his possession or he willingly gave it away to Loki -- the god of deceit -- to run an errand for him that he easily could have done himself. But Loki gets captured, the scepter gets cracked open, and the stone is shoved into Vision's forehead. And so Thanos goes from having one Stone to zero Stones, PLUS a brand-new magic British android who wants to kick his ass. But hey, live and learn -- right?
"Hey, give me Cap's shield, too. I want to Instagram this."
Oh, wait ... he doesn't do that either, because in Guardians Of The Galaxy, Thanos makes the exact same error by entrusting the retrieval of a second Stone to Ronan -- a sourpuss health goth who seems to despise him and ends up micro-managing the operation by sending Gamora on her own backstabbing mission for the Stone.
No one's been this careless about a bunch of stones since Mick and Keith quit giving a shit.
In other words, Thanos once again outsourced the simple-yet-dire task of retrieving ultimate power to a questionable servant ... who in turn outsourced it to a second person. Did I mention that Gamora is also Thanos' bitter, adopted daughter? And by "adopted," I mean Thanos murdered her family and begrudgingly raised her like Harry Potter's uncle and aunt. What the fuck kind of chain of command is Thanos running? He's like the supervillain equivalent of a methed-out pizza store manager letting his shitty friends run the register while he shotguns beers in the walk-in.
5Everything The Capitol Does In The Hunger Games Is Stupid
Anytime a writer forms a world on the foundation of some philosophical or contemporary allegory, the result instantly falls apart the moment you stretch the story to its logical limits. For example: The more we overstayed the universe of The Matrix, a self-contained techno fable about human consciousness, the more it strained under its own hogwash until finally exploding into a bunch of Nordic ravers.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Even the most complex, evolving computer network imaginable couldn't crack the code
to make white guy dreads look cool.
Like The Matrix, The Hunger Games was founded on an abstract concept with the hope that people didn't think too hard about the completely insane nuts and bolts holding it all together.
According to the backstory, the annual Hunger Games were created as punishment for a rebellion that occurred against the Capitol 74 years ago. Since then, the wealthy few have managed to set up elaborate and high-tech death arenas, while the rest of the districts were left to starve. That's all well and good, except for the fact that the 12 dying districts are also in charge of the entire country's natural resources in a time of post-apocalypse. Remember: Each district is there to harvest one societal necessity, like mineral goods, textiles, and electricity. They are each vital organs to the full being that is this country, and the Capitol is slowly killing them out of spite, like an alcoholic noir detective.
They think fishing and livestock are tragic missteps in evolution.
This is a Capitol with seemingly endless technological prowess, sullenly forcing their agricultural and industrial arm to work like 19th-century peasants. To put that in the insane perspective it deserves: Imagine if, at the end of the Civil War, America forced all the former Confederate states to fight each other for sport until well into World War II. That's the level of illogical, anti-evolutionary spite the Capitol is harboring here. But even in a world where we accept the fact that the Capitol is just shitty and evil, spending billions on a deathmatch lottery still doesn't make any sense from the perspective of this ashy-mane jackass:
First Battle Royale, now a Snow who knows nothing -- is there anything
this story won't rip off?
In the first film, President Snow justifies the Hunger Games by saying that the best way to control the masses is with "hope." And thus was created a game where civilians are forced to grapple for horrified onlookers.
Hey, here's an idea ... maybe just have a lottery? Like a simple lottery where every year one randomly chosen family wins the right to live in the Capitol. That's a way less expensive way to give people hope, right? Or, if you still want to kill people, perhaps make the Hunger Games a volunteer reward system for each district's most moronically brave, instead of forcing a bunch of waifish, terrified, randomly selected children to fight to the death? There are so many good "hope" options to choose from that aren't "randomly murder children to keep the subjugated in perpetual despair."
It barely helps to remind yourself that they were all teenagers, and thus probably assholes.
See, the Capitol makes sense only if you imagine that their goal is to embody a ridiculous villain. In terms of running an actual government, it's sheer nonsense that they could possibly have held onto such a self-destructive grudge while successfully maintaining their fancy-beard society. The country would've imploded in like a decade -- it wouldn't have taken 74 years of people waiting around for the perfect hapless oaf to be the symbol of their revolution.