6 Items from Our Store to Help Holiday Sadness

It happens every year, and somehow we're never ready for it. During the frantic gift-getting, spice-cake-eating, carol-singing, hot-toddy-drinking bliss of Christmas, it's easy to forget that time continues even after the last bow has hit the floor. Also, and perhaps worst of all, winter just started in earnest. All those long nights and freezing temperatures are considerably less charming without the looming possibility of owning new shit soon. Well, we'd like to say we can help, but the truth is, you're on your own.

We can't make you feel better, but we can help you wallow in your post-holiday depression, which, we think you'll agree, somehow makes it all feel a little more significant. We're offering you a guide to pairing material possessions with your holiday withdrawals, because even hospitals don't make heroin users quit cold turkey. Oh, and if you're assuming we're just enablers trying to capitalize on your grief for our own monetary gain, then yeah, there's probably a little of that going on here too.

Pairing Comforters With the Realization That Home Will Never Feel Like Home Again

So you've returned to your childhood home for the first time since living somewhere else, and suddenly it feels like you're a guest in the only place you ever felt truly comfortable. You tried to enjoy Christmas the same way your family always has, but each step felt like you were just going through the motions, like watching a family do Christmas in a mediocre sitcom rather than experiencing a single real moment. Now you know that you will likely always feel this way; you know that those moments of happiness from your childhood belong exclusively to your childhood and you can never recapture them again in this house. It's the kind of realization that makes you want to curl up for a month in bed and not speak to anyone. Well, great idea, sour Sally! Allow us to aid in your curling.

Our soft, cozy duvet covers are breathable and warm to ensure that, regardless of temperature in your room, you will never have the urge to get up and/or on with your goddamn life already. They are perfectly suited to feeling sorry for yourself.

Pairing a Shower Curtain With the Monotony of Adult Responsibility

Hey, remember how intimately you used to know a full work week with absolutely no vacation or holiday to look forward to? Well, that old friend is back and wants to crash with you until April. You burned all your sick days shopping for gifts and all your vacation time for that weird holiday limbo week between Christmas and New Year's. So now you have no choice but to bite the bullet and go back to your hum-drum routine filled with electric bills, parking tickets, and a job that seemed sort of fine for a year but now it's been three and you're still there. Well, as long as you're getting up before the sun every morning, why not take a little extra time in the shower feeling miserable while staring at one of these handsome shower curtains?

Feel free to wallow in both your tub and your sadness behind one of our elegant curtains. They are fully opaque to ensure that no one sees you naked and crying on the floor, because, let's be honest, you're sitting down in there. This is the kind of cry that necessitates sitting.

Pairing Mugs With the Life You Thought You'd Have by Now

Christmas is a sobering reminder that you're supposed to be an adult by this point. The traditions of Santa, of making cookies, of Christmas morning are specific to children. There's still some joy to be squeezed from each of them, but it was clear this year that you are no longer the target demographic. And yet you don't feel like an adult. As a child, you assumed by now you'd know how to be an adult, you'd have unlocked all the achievements and become a happy, functioning member of society. But the truth is you still feel closer to being a kid than a grown-up. You're stuck between worlds, still wanting to lose yourself in comics and old cartoons while also making errant stabs at adulthood. Nowhere is your conflicted nature more evident than in your choice of coffee mug.

Coffee, after all, is an adult drink. It requires a sophisticated palate that children couldn't possibly understand. And yet your mug choice screams for there to be hot chocolate and marshmallows inside. It is a young and optimistic casing around a black and bitter center, and so becomes the perfect analogy for you. So enjoy! Well, don't enjoy, but you understand.

Weekly Dose of Envy

Even though our shirts are generally our favorite on the Internet, we aren't above celebrating those who are somehow just a little bit more clever from around the web. Here are our five favorites.

5)


Available at Shirt.Woot

4)


Available at BustedTees

3)


Available at Design by Humans

2)


Available at Society6

1)


Available at Society6

Recommended For Your Pleasure

CRACKED Staff

  • Rss

More by CRACKED Staff:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

10 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!