Cracked Columnists

6 Dates With a Sexchat Bot

#1.
Getting To Know You

Dawnaballa1914: Lookin for a good guy

Me: I'll bet you are.

Dawnaballa1914: Yay someone to talk too!! ~~~~~<3 :-)

Me: What is that? You smiling at Mickey Mouse's penis?

Dawnaballa1914: I'm 20/F please tell me your a male???

Me: Tell you my a male did what? Finish your questions.

Dawnaballa1914: Cool... well im dawn and i work at a 24 Hour Fitness center and sometimes i like to come home and play with my cam

Me: Is "work at a 24 Hour Fitness center" a euphemism for how horny you are?

Me: And on a similar note, is "play with my cam" a euphemism for twiddling your robotic bean?

Me: That's a euphemism for playing with your clitoris.

Dawnaballa1914: I hate it when people can't actually see me saying stuff or fixing my hair or fixing my bra

Me: Yeah, people not watching you say stuff is the worst.

Me: And I love it when your bra's fucked up.

Dawnaballa1914: U should come check me out at http://slnks.com/i1e just accept my invite on the page baby, its even more fun if we both have a cam = )

Me: You have a Page Baby?

Me: That's ADORABLE!

Dawnaballa1914: Come on read the page they won't charge you anything, the CC verification is just to make sure your atleast 18

Me: To make sure my atleast 18 does what?

Dawnaballa1914: well its hard to talk i got a show goin on right now, if anything come check me out some other time site is http://tinyurl.com/2a3kf3v

Me: Don't go!

Me: I need more convincing!

Me: Use your words!

Me: Even though I can't see you use them lol

Dawnaballa1914: hey sweetie

Me: Fix your bra.

Me: It's all fucked up.

Dawnaballa1914: hi

Me: I think I'm in love with you.

Dawnaballa1914: hey sweetie

#2.
Our First Fight

Dawnaballa1914: are there any good men out there???????

Me: Yeah, I'm here, baby.

Me: It's been a while.

Me: You fixing your bra again?

Me: Hope your bra's still all sloppy and shit.

Me: Hello?

Me: Is this some kind of game to you?

Me: Seriously, I've been waiting for you for weeks. Now I'm putting myself out there, all vulnerable and whatnot, and you just ignore me?

Me: You'd better be busy fixing your sloppy bra right now.

Me: Um... HELLO!

Dawnaballa1914: are there any good men out there???????

Me: You never listen to me!

Me: We're in a fight.

Me: Do you HEAR ME, YOU SLOPPY-BRAED BITCH?!?!?

Dawnaballa1914: hey sweetie

#3.
Meeting Her Family

dawnabella1914: today is beautiful

Me: You're beautiful.

Me: I miss you.

Me: I'm sorry for how I acted.

dawnabella1914: Hello there.. My name is Stephanie.. Got ur ID through Messenger Directory

Me: WTF Stephanie? Get off Dawn's computer.

dawnabella1914: I love chatting with new people.. Would you like to chat today? Where are you from?

Me: You know where I'm from, Stephanie. This isn't cool. Is Dawn in the shower or something?

dawnabella1914: Nice Im 20 years old i'm going to school in Florida.. Can i ask you a question?

Me: Bullshit, Stephanie. You're 12 and you go to school down the street.

Me: Put Dawn on.

dawnabella1914: Do you like big booty girls with big tits? lol seriously cuz thats what ppl tell me i have..Is that too much for you to handle?

Me: People tell you that you have big booty girls with big tits? You're an idiot, Stephanie. What you just said is that people tell you that you have people.

Me: Put Dawn back on.

dawnabella1914: so yea i'm lonely would you like to have some kinky fun? Would you like to see me?

Me: I see you almost every morning when you're waiting for the bus to go to ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

Me: If you're lonely, you should ask your mom to play Wii with you.

dawnabella1914: ok but i have no pictures on my laptop.. but i have a video camea that came with it

Me: THAT IS DAWN'S CAMERA.

Me: Stop using her stuff, she's going to be pissed.

dawnabella1914: lol ok goto http://www.showinvite.net/gjv5 and we can go 1 on 1 chat. Just accept the invite on the page baby

Me: Oh, wait. I guess this is Dawn.

Me: Sorry, baby.

Me: My mistake.

Me: See you on video fuck-chat in a few.

dawnabella1914: Don't worry baby its free to join this site, read teh page, they just need to verify ur age

Me: Yeah, I know the drill.

Me: Hope your bra's extra sloppy today.

dawnabella1914: I'll do anything you want me to do.. Do you see me? I can't chat with you on the site till you register

Me: Wait a second... if this were Dawn, she'd know that I'm already registered...

Me: GET OFF DAWN'S COMPUTER, STEPHANIE!!!!!

dawnabella1914: http://www.mywebcamcrush.com/StephiesAss20

#4.
Trouble In Paradise

dawnabella1914: LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR

Me: Go to the fucking store.

Me: It's called an "impulse buy."

Me: They have them in the check-out aisle.

dawnabella1914: Hey!! My name is Vanessa.. Got ur name thru messenger directory

Me: I don't know anyone named Vanessa.

Me: I know a Dawn.

Me: And Dawn's awful sister Stephanie.

dawnabella1914: I love chatting with new people.. Would you like to chat today? Where are you from?

Me: I'm from your stupid fucking face.

Me: Here's my ID.

Me: ::grabs crotch::

dawnabella1914: Nice Im 20 yrs old i'm going to school in Florida.. Can i ask u a question?

Me: You mean besides "Can i ask u [sic] a question?"

dawnabella1914: Do u like big booty girls that know how to shake their ass? hahahha lol but seriously i luv to dance..

Me: Was that a... joke?

Me: Why are you laughing?

dawnabella1914: is that too much for you?

Me: Is loving to dance too much for me?

Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?

dawnabella1914: so yea i'm lonely would you like to have some kinky fun? Would u like to see me?

Me: I don't really care.

Me: Go out dancing if you're lonely.

dawnabella1914: ok but i have no pictures on my laptop.. but i have a video camera that came with it umm... watch me dance?!?

Me: Christ.

Me: If you have a video camera, then you can fucking take pictures.

Me: You're an idiot.

Me: But by all means send me a link to whatever.

dawnabella1914: lol ok goto http://www.showinvite.net/kh3f and we can go 1 on 1 chat. Just accept the invite on the page baby

Me: WHAT IS A PAGE BABY?

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!?

#5.
Spicing Things Up

dawnabella1914: hey r u around?

Me: Yeah.

Me: What kind of fake person are you?

dawnabella1914: hi sweetie

dawnabella1914: nothing about this is fake, im a nympho ever met one?

Me: What's a "nympho ever met one?"

dawnabella1914: i hope you want to chat with a horny girl today...

dawnabella1914: ummm whats not real?

Me: Oh. You want to roleplay?

dawnabella1914: i am a little busy right now, just got a new laptop trying to set my cam up..

Me: Yeah, setting up a cam on your computer could definitely be described as "busy."

dawnabella1914: i have a fetish for being on camera

Me: Well you'd better get it set up soon.

Me: Otherwise, how will you stay horny?

Me: Anyway, what roles do you want to try?

dawnabella1914: you can watch my webcam but you're not a kid right??

dawnabella1914: holy shit im wet right now, i got some toys... plz watch me play? I like when guys tell me what to do..

Me: Sorry.

Me: I'm a kid.

dawnabella1914: k ..well im gonna show you ..k?

Me: I'm 8.

dawnabella1914: http://fantasysexcams.net go there and my video will load, just click the yellow JOIN FREE button at the top of the page, its 100% free to join you only need a credit card to verify that you are over 18 ;p

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: yeah sry my mom came in and yelled at me for a sec

Me: moms are mean

Me: are you boobs?

dawnabella1914: if you cum watch me i'll do whatever you want me to doƒ¢â'¬‚¦ fill out your info, its free k?

Me: you spelled "come" funny

Me: your funny

dawnabella1914: whats a bot?

Me: i like you

dawnabella1914: i use this site to play on cause i don't want to be recorded!ƒ¢â'¬‚¦this site doesn't allow people to record my cam! just click the yellow JOIN FREE button at the top of the page ;p

Me: i set up my video camera to record the screen

Me: just cuz im 8 doesnt mean im stuppid

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: yeah i am here

Me: i had to make tinkle

Me: i say tinkle cuz i am 8

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: yeah hi

Me: u there?

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: i am horny as an 8 year old

Me: i want to see boobs on you

Me: u there?

dawnabella1914: Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

dawnabella1914: credit card is just to verify your age, u get in for free thru my cam session invite since I'm a premium member, but u need to verify babe just click the yellow JOIN FREE button at the top of the page ;p

Me: i never said bot

Me: i just want to be horny cuz i am 8

dawnabella1914: wow, im so wet..i would love if u watched meƒ¢â'¬‚¦i promise u it will be fun

Me: i am wet too

Me: guys get wet 2, rite?

dawnabella1914: let me know if you need any help logging in..i'm gonna slip into something nice for you..k?

Me: i need help

Me: it asked if i was over 18

Me: i didn't want to lie

Me: now i can't watch ur boobs

dawnabella1914: whats a bot?

Me: i don't know

Me: like a robot?

Me: robots r cool

dawnabella1914: Ok, now you really lost me?? bot??

Me: u r not lost

Me: u r rite here

Me: i am 8 still

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: i am so wet like u

Me: let me boob u

dawnabella1914: Like a transformer robot?? what the hell are u talking about?

Me: transformer robots aren't real

Me: im 8 and i know that

dawnabella1914: Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

Me: maybe u r dum

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: u there?

dawnabella1914: hey

Me: hi

dawnabella1914: hey

Me: hello

dawnabella1914: hey sweetie

Me: hi

dawnabella1914: u there?

Me: no

dawnabella1914: hey

#6.
Learning Her Language (or "Happily Ever After")

Me: I am horny.

dawnabella1914: wow, im so wet..i would love if u watched me... i promise u it will be fun

Me: Slut.

dawnabella1914: yea i am slut, so what..you love pussy right? well i love dick

Me: Cock.

dawnabella1914: i love it babe, i wish urs was here so I can grab on it

Me: Dick.

dawnabella1914: with how horny i am right now if you were in front of me i would deepthroat the whole thing

Me: Bitch.

dawnabella1914: make me your bitch

Me: Fuck you.

dawnabella1914: okay, that was rude! what's with the language!?

Me: Fuck you.

dawnabella1914: Right back at ya, PEACE!

Me: Hello.

dawnabella1914: hey sweetie




heybaby i am twitter of cody but iff u like blogs or facebook those are also there too, sexy hey baby

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