We live in an age where everyone can -- nay, must -- share every thought and comment immediately and constantly. As a result, we, as humans, come up with more terrible things to say every single day. But YOLO, amirite?
Obvi there are totes a shit-ton of redonkulous words and phrases we could def 86 with a capital hashtag, but here is a list of six words and phrases we need to stop using now.
#6. "Guilty Pleasure"
I'm not the first person to complain about this term, of course. Chuck Klosterman took down the phrase back in 2004, but apparently Chuck didn't have enough Klout-erman (GOLD!) to banish the phrase forever.
Just a month ago I saw a promo for Revenge running on ABC calling it "your favorite guilty pleasure." I cannot, unfortunately, find evidence of said video on the Internet, so maybe I've already won this battle!
Although it's only ABC. It's not like I beat Univision or anything.
Dave Grohl summed up my feelings on guilty pleasures in this quote, adored by Tumblr: "I don't believe in guilty pleasures, you know. I believe you should be able to like what you like, if you like a fucking Ke$ha song, listen to fucking Ke$ha."
So why do Dave Grohl, Chuck Klosterman, and I all hate this phrase?
Because why do you have to feel guilty about something you like? Unless your pleasure comes from murdering people, you should be able to enjoy anything you enjoy. The connotation of this phrase is literally "I totally love this thing but I feel ashamed about it."
We need to not be ashamed of entertainment we like (unless it's Two and a Half Men -- then you should be ashamed). It is entertainment. It's there to entertain us and ment us. We should only feel pleasure from it. So rock out to Ke$ha, love Revenge, and, I dunno, be really into ice dancing if you want. Just don't call it a guilty pleasure.
Just looking at this phrase written out is making me want to puke-stare.
When Netflix started having original content, two things happened: 1. Everyone rejoiced, because it meant we got more Arrested Development, and 2. Everyone started saying "binge-watch" in regard to how they planned to consume the episodes.
Numerous articles gave you tips on how to binge-watch these episodes, and then with each new show, the question of "But will you binge-watch?" comes up. Again and again.
Clearly something in need of dire planning.
I love watching episodes of TV back to back to back to back. Networks would even air multiple episodes in a row on special occasions. We called that a marathon, and while I admit that marathon runners probably don't like comparing what they do to me sitting around watching The X-Files until my butt falls off, I don't see why we needed to add "binge" to my thing. Why so negative? Why can't I just sit around watching Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on Netflix for days on end sans bathing without everyone telling me I'm doing something wrong? (Although now that there are only five seasons on Netflix, what's the point?)
Bottom line: "Binge" is not a word associated with Things We Are Supposed to Do. And watching TV is not something I want to have negative connotations. So, BANISHED!
Leave "binge" for awful family-destroying things like alcohol, or drugs, or (again) Two and a Half Men.
#4. The Suffix "-Gasm"
Nerdgasm, foodgasm, shoegasm, TVgasm, ve-gasm? Go to hell-gasm.
(Ve-gasm is like a vegan orgasm, so it doesn't have any dairy and is covered in hemp.)
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Beware of any dude offering to give you a hemp necklace.
The only thing that should be attached to "-gasm" is "or-." I'd probably have less of a problem with this if you just said "food orgasm" or "clothing orgasm." That's still gross, but separating out the "gasm" part of "orgasm" is like cutting off one of Scarlett Johansson's feet: You're close to the promised land, but are you really happy with what part you have? (If you're a foot fetishist, you'll have to imagine I said "hand" or something else you don't love up there. Eyebrow. Nostril. These are just suggestions.)
Obviously we all understand that an orgasm is a good and pleasurable thing. So we then understand that a "nerdgasm" would mean a "good and pleasurable NERD thing."
Why does this have to exist? Why can't we just enjoy things a normal amount? Why does everything pleasurable have to mean sex? Can't we enjoy anything without orgasming all over it? Sometimes I want to like things a normal amount that doesn't involve bodily fluid.
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"Hey, hon, can you grab me a condom? I wanna watch the new Sherlock."
(Sidebar: Anyone else learn what an orgasm was from reading the back of the When Harry Met Sally VHS and then sussing out what part of the movie they were referring to?)