6 Cartoon Characters Guys Secretly Find Sexy

It's hard to control who you're attracted to. Why does one person prefer blondes and another redheads? Why giant boobs over enormous boobs? Why a suave, charming Internet comedy writer over Brad Pitt? The world is a zany cornucopia of crotch-tingling sensations and desires. Enjoy it!

That said, probably all of us at one time or another have felt that curious mix of shame and arousal. Someone or something that turns us on while another part of our brain shrinks away in fear, hissing, "Unclean! Unclean!" I can't say for sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, as I don't know what your shame is -- there's every chance it's something that would make me run for the hills throwing lit matches at you all the way, so remember that if you ever feel like sharing. But for my part, I will say there are a handful of fictional ladies out there that have always turned my crank in a way I'm not entirely proud of. They're an odd mix of intentional sex appeal and perhaps unintentional grossness that confused my young mind and, let's be honest, still confuse me today as an adult. Suffice it to say I had the weirdest boner during research for this.

#6. She-Hulk


Bruce Banner's cousin Jennifer Walters receives a blood transfusion from her super green cousin, resulting in her gaining the ability to transform into a diluted version of the rage beast we all know and love from one of three films he's appeared in. Naturally, since Banner becomes a savage beast thing that throws tanks around like kiwis, Walters just turns into a green-skinned Amazon woman with LLL cup boobs and thighs that could crack coconuts.

At first glance you might think it's obvious that She-Hulk was meant to be sexy and sexual; after all, she's a female comic book character, and traditionally female comic book characters have existed to give bustier designers in the fictional universes they inhabit something to do, but She-Hulk isn't your average Power Girl, busting down walls with her nipples and for some reason entering every room vagina first. She's still a big green rage monster. She has her personality and all, but she's big and green. That's weird, right?

I first discovered She-Hulk when I was about 12, and there was something curiously sexy about those big green thighs to me. Green was new and delightful. I wanted that. I wanted to plow that verdant field. Why? She was unique. I had never seen a green woman before (I hadn't seen that episode of Star Trek yet) and it was exciting in a whole new way. I wondered briefly if I was racist, but then quickly decided that since I wanted to shower with her, it was the opposite of racism, whatever that is. I was enlightened due to my desire to climb She-Hulk like a garden wall.

To this day She-Hulk is drawn in the same overtly sexy fashion as all female comic book characters -- the poor girl can't keep her clothes on, after all, what with the rippling boobs and power buttocks tearing through her business suits left and right, and there's no rhyme or reason to the attraction to her, but man, it's still there.

#5. Draenei


In World of Warcraft, Draenei are a race of aliens who had to flee their home world due to many paragraphs of nerd backstory that will interest you only if you already know the story. It's a weird Mobius strip of nerd knowledge. For the enjoyment of this article all you need to know is they have Russian accents, blue skin, tails, horns, and hooves. And you might be inclined to tap that. Try to imagine the sexiest goat you ever saw, and then give it a pretty OK ass. And it sounds like Pussy Riot.

While male Draenei have been designed to look like a blue-skinned Eastern European lumberjack, the females all seem to have their back arched in that "I think I dropped something in my vagina, could you find a way to poke it out?" fashion that's so popular among artists these days. They also tend to have pretty decent racks and, despite the hooves, some shapely gams. I can't account for their tails, however, as they seem to be protruding right from the bunghole area, but who am I to question alien anatomy? I'm just a guy who felt it move when he was looking at a half-dressed Draenei lady once.

You have to give credit to the artists over at Blizzard who have to work with some pretty ungainly creations. Sure, the humans and various elves lend themselves to sexy artwork, but these hardworking artists are trying to give you boners for goat ladies, the walking dead, a race of cow people, and werewolves. It can't be easy to be drawing goat and cow boobs all day.

#4. Fionna


If you've never seen Adventure Time you're missing out on one of the craziest mind trips of a cartoon series ever. It looks like it should appeal to tweens, yet the backstory, as slowly revealed over several seasons, is one of a terribly depressing post-apocalyptic world of loss and loneliness, plus bacon pancakes.

At some point the show offered up a gender-swap episode, based on a comic book created by the villainous and somewhat insane Ice King, in which everyone is the opposite sex. The hero, Finn the Human, becomes Fionna the Human Girl, and despite the simplistic art style, there's a curiously sexual undertone to the entire thing, with all the princes vying for her affections and the fact that she wears knee socks and a short skirt while wielding a big pink sword. While Finn is drawn as pretty much a Tetris piece with rabbit ears, Fionna is made deliberately curvy and curiously athletic, with hip and breast definition. Am I sick for noticing that? Probably.

The fact that Adventure Time, despite being a cartoon, is rife with sexual innuendo makes it pretty clear this is no accident. Fionna is the Ice King's fan fiction, and we all know how depraved fan fiction is. Plus the fact is the Ice King, when not trying to kill Finn and Jake, spends most of the series trying to bang princesses, even the gross ones. So Ice King is a horny old man about 22/7.

If this also implies the Ice King has latent sexual desire for Finn, well, that's an episode for another day when the creators feel it's OK to tackle an impossibly ancient man's sexual attraction to an orphaned pubescent boy.

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Felix Clay

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