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5 Ways Regular Guys Ruin Their First Impression With Women

#2. They Make Bad Assumptions About What Women Want

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"How in the hell did that ugly jerkoff end up with that hot chick? He must be rich. God, I hate gold-digging bitches."

Sure, she might be with him because he's rich -- I'm not denying that those women exist. But that ugly jerkoff could also have met pretty much every other quality that woman was looking for in a man. Charisma, confidence, sense of humor, kindness, respect, stability ... See, it turns out that, as a general rule, women don't judge men the way men judge women. Due to some combination of physical differences and the endless ways society defines gender roles, the end result is that the workings of the female brain can seem strange and mysterious to men who don't spend a lot of time talking to them.

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I don't know either, man. Just go with it.

Usually after a guy gets rejected so many times, he gets frustrated or outright pissed off. He'll start laying blame, sometimes pointing it toward women in general (when it gets to this point, that's where underlying misogyny starts to take its true form), and sometimes he points it toward other men. "Yeah, I'd get dates, too, if I had a six-pack and huge pecs." They deflect the actual issue as something they can't control, not even realizing that they were most likely rejected because of their attitude or a mismatched sense of humor ... or any one of a hundred different traits that didn't line up right.

The truth is, there are people who look just like you, who have your same income, who are still having sex. If women only talked to guys with rock-hard bodies and six-figure incomes, they'd go a decade between encounters. If they didn't make compromises on a man's looks, condom companies would go out of business and we'd be in a global shrinking population crisis.

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And this guy would be dead from sexual exhaustion.

The way around these problems is so simple, but it eludes so many well-meaning men because we get wrapped up in the competitive tone of social interactions, and we make them out to be more complex than they actually are. I'm far from an expert on relationships, having been through a divorce and enough unstable partners to staff a military ground invasion on a mid-sized country. But once I figured it out, it all clicked, and I found the most beautiful, stable relationship of my life. And the trick is this:

Relax. She's a human, just like you. She's had every fake piece of shit in a 50-mile radius hit on her in every conceivable way. Maybe it's time you gave her something different: sincerity and honesty. You'd be surprised how high that ranks on her list.

But so many men never reach that point, because ...

#1. They Give Up

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Let's face it: After a while, you just give up. It doesn't matter what you look like, what you do for a living, how much money you have, how enormous your penis is, or how often you prove that by whipping people with it in public. If you get rejected enough, you don't want to feel that ever again, so you just stop trying. And this is where I see guys fall into a long spiral down.

What happens is that, yes, the desire to avoid rejection has tipped the scales in favor of exiting the game. But the desire to be with someone is still there. You can't get rid of that any more than you can remove your stomach for being hungry. So maybe you still go out on occasion with the hopes of meeting someone, but you end up sitting by yourself all night, getting steadily more down as the night ticks on and no one presents herself to you.

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"This is bullpoop. I am a beautiful man, and girls are stupid."

So you pay your tab and go home, sad and alone, and blame an entire gender for making you so miserable, while rubbing one out to a rerun of The Golden Girls. Here's what makes that so crazy ... besides the obvious Golden Girls part.

Bars, clubs, coffee houses -- all those spots that one goes to in order to meet other people -- they are all social places. They are, by design, meeting grounds for people who want to find and connect with other humans. You, having reached your breaking point, have cut out the "social" part of that equation and are now putting as much faith into someone finding you as you would into expecting the Tooth Fairy to show up and pay your electric bill.

What is so easy to forget is that half of the people in those places are there for the exact reason you were. The only difference is that they're making an effort, regardless of the outcome. And if a woman's choices are the guy who had balls enough to walk up to her and talk or the sad sack of meat slumping over his beer at the end of the bar ... well, that's pretty easy competition for the guy who already has her attention.

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"Look at that lonely crying guy at the end of the bar! Hahahaha! What a pussy!"

It can take a long time to find somebody. And even when you do, they might not be the right person for you. If you find yourself in the "I give up" frame of mind, the only way I've seen people get out of that is to take a break. Find some fun shit to do without the end result being a relationship treasure map. Hell, you might find that this frame of mind makes it easy to talk to people. I did. And that's how I finally got the courage to have sex with all of your moms.



John is a columnist right here at Cracked with a new article every Thursday. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook.

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