#2. No More Porn
Starting in the '80s and going into the '90s, porn exploded in the hotel business. It must seem weird to kids today, but hotel porn was a big deal. Way before the Internet, hotels were the first places you could see porn without having to go into a video store or dirty theater. It came right to your room and the title didn't appear on your bill.
"It'll just be our little secret, but good luck convincing anyone that the 'untitled movie' for $13.00 was Weekend at Bernie's."
But now hotels offer Wi-Fi instead, and as long as you've got a laptop or a smartphone, you can watch free porn all day long (as long as you pay the Wi-Fi fee). And of course you're going to pay that fee.
IS THIS A GOOD THING?
It sure is. Wi-Fi is great. You can Skype your loved ones who aren't on your journey, you can check your work and recreational emails, and best of all, you can watch porn anywhere in your room instead of tethered to that bed and crusty remote control. Well, I guess that's no big deal. You're probably gonna watch it in bed. And the cost of most places' Wi-Fi is probably about equal to what you would have paid for renting porn. And that right there is why hotels are probably charging for Wi-Fi. I mean, the hotel itself is already getting the Internet for its business, and once they make back their initial purchase on routers, what is the conceivable justification for charging a Wi-Fi fee? To make up for all the porn money they lost.
#1. No More Wake-Up Calls
This one is certainly not true everywhere, but more and more I see hotels advising that their wake-up service is accomplished by the lovely alarm clock provided free in the room. Oh, cool. No more relying on some sleepy-eyed hotel employee to get our ass to our business meeting on time. There's an alarm clock. We figured out that the device that told time would also have some sort of awakening capacity, but we wanted a wake-up call.
Martin Poole/Photodisc/Getty Images
What ... is ... it???
IS THIS A GOOD THING?
No. Look, I get it: The wake-up call really is the vestige of an earlier age. In addition to the alarm clocks in the room, just about everyone now has a smartphone with a perfectly good alarm function. But so what? Before smartphones, we had digital watches and pocket-size alarm clocks. We've always known how to wake our own asses up. The point was: "Hey, hotel, you do it!" It was all about giving the responsibility away. It was all about another form of backup to the hotel alarm or phone you already set. It was insurance. And if hotels are looking to distinguish themselves, it might make sense to do some of the old-timey things no one actually needs, like wake-up calls, instead of inventing new things no one wants, like additional welcome calls.
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