Cracked Columnists

5 Ways Having a Baby Messes With Your Brain

#3. You Can't Remember What You Just Did

Wait, did I already make three points?

#2. You Can't Remember What You Just Did

Getty Images

There's a reason that MilkBands exists as a product. Most new moms can't remember things like when they last fed their baby or which boob they used, even though, like I said, it was probably less than three hours ago.

I know everyone's had the experience of walking into a room and not remembering why you walked in there, but I often walk into a room and don't remember how I got in there. I just snap out of trances and go, "Hey, I'm in the garage!"

In a way, it's like recapturing the sense of wonder and unpredictability you had as a child. Or it's like having a drinking problem. Think about that. Nature or the divine plan or however you have it has made it so that at the most vulnerable moment of your child's life you are just slightly more dependable than a blackout drinker.

#1. You Make Poor Decisions

Getty Images

This probably started the day my son was born, when I named him after a Breaking Bad character. Which is fitting in a way, I guess, because Breaking Bad is all about poor decisions. (Little Krazy-8 is doing well, thanks.)

Other than impulse buying a dishwasher and a Dyson heater, the rest of the bad decisions have been more on a day-to-day level, thank goodness. Drug trafficking has been pretty minor. I do remember one low point in the first month postpartum when Ghost Rider was on TV and I chose to keep watching it.

The reason is a pretty simple combination of lack of sleep, which has been proven repeatedly to do a lot of damage to your reasoning capacity, and that unbalanced hormone cocktail I was telling you about earlier. These work together to really do a number on your brain, rendering you unable to remember things, perform the simplest of tasks, or complete addsfa dksjffffffffla kdksfjheeeeeeefn fknn


Christina is trying to figure out how to use Twitter and Facebook for promotion despite being old and slow. Please help.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Christina H

  • Rss

More by Christina H:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

809 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!