Are you with me, people? The time for the 1970s is now. We demand the following:
5. Robert DeNiro/Al Pacino Movies That Don't Suck
Its hard to believe, but did you know that Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino used to star in movies that did not make cinema-lovers cry tears of blood while shattering their souls into a million irreparable pieces? It's true. In fact, in the 70s, these guys actually made some movies you might have heard of: The Godfather, The Godfather II, Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico, Taxi Driver, Deerhunter...
But starting in the 80's, these two acting mavericks decided to let some crap slip into their arsenal of awesome. Sure the 80s brought De Niro's Raging Bull, but somehow We're No Angels also snuck in. And Pacino's questionable Cuban accent in Scarface may have distracted you from the questionable everything in Revolution. But by the 90s, panic had set in. The suck to quality ratio was changing and Pacino became that Scent of a Woman cartoon, running around in devil pants, shouting "HOO-AH" at Keanu Reeves. (Or something like that. It's a hazy decade for me. I started having sex by then.) And Deniro, who pursued comedy so expertly in Midnight Run, began his long descent into middling family comedies like the recently released Little Fockers.
Well, Cosmos, I say that if we have to pay 50 bucks to fill up our cars, then we deserve to be able to drive that car to a theater where two of the greatest actors of their generation are starring in something I won't have to IMDB to reference correctly for a column 6 months after its release. (I'm looking at you Everybody's Fine).
Yeah, I know. You see afros today. Some on white guys. Sad, sad white guys. But when I say Afro, I don't mean some Brooklyn hipster's ironic conception of an Afro. I mean a glorious African American round head of hair that says one thing: "Fuck you, whitey." Oh, I miss those. Why? Because as a little boy, I thoroughly enjoyed seeing old white people get nervous around blacks. "Silly, white people," I thought. "Haven't you seen The Jeffersons, Good Times and Sanford & Son? Those black people are A-OK!" And seeing those bad white people made me feel like one of the good white people. So each time an afro made a middle-aged woman secure her purse in fear, I felt that much cooler. But now that's all lost because well it seems blacks and whites hate each a lot less. And where's the fun in that? Hmm. I may have lost my point in there somewhere. In any event, Afros sure are cool. More please.