Login or Register

Sign in with Facebook

Here's a weird fact: I've spent more hours watching video game trolling videos than I did on homework throughout all of high school. Even weirder: Only one of those things has ever made me any money. I'll let you figure out which one.

It's trolling videos. Sorry, I can't leave things open-ended like that. I thought I could, but it felt gross -- like the doing-homework of article writing.

In watching hundreds of hours of those videos, I've noticed that trolling is kind of a double-edged sword. When it's done right, it can be more entertaining than the actual game itself. But, tragically, most people don't know how to do it, so they just end up as dickheads being dickheads, dickheadedly.

The greatest video game troll I've ever seen goes by the name "Weregonnalose," and he knows that trolling isn't about victimizing and harassing players. It's a comedy performance:

Yes, sometimes he does play the role of a blatant douche, but way more often, he just plays a game badly, loops in a running joke, and lets people with anger issues do the rest. Before you jump in and start trying this on your own, though, let me show you what he's already figured out ...

5
The Trolling Needs To Feel Justified

The whole reason Weregonnalose started trolling is a series of incidents that happened years ago. He and a friend joined an online game of ... actually, I don't remember which game he told me. We'll say Barbie Super Sports. His friend wasn't very good at it, but what the hell. It's all about having fun, right? No matter how bad a person is, they have as much of a right to play as everyone else.

Not really, according to the people in that game. They acted like he had walked into their living rooms and pissed on their TVs while giving them the finger and never breaking eye contact. They screamed every racial and homophobic slur in the book. You know ... normal online gaming behavior. And it happened over and over again, no matter how many different lobbies they joined. After a while, he finally hit a breaking point and figured that if these people were going to be ridiculous fucknuts, he might as well have some fun with them.

The above video is a perfect example of that. He's playing the goalie in a game of NHL 12, pretending to not know what a "power play" is. He thinks it means "any time a goalie comes out of the net, for any reason." Instead of teaching him what it actually means, his teammates immediately jump on him, calling him a fucker (and a whole lot of homophobic slurs) and eventually exploding in nuclear rage. Not all of his trolling videos are about making people lose their minds, but this one is. By the end of it, a guy from Boston is begging for his address so he can come to his home and beat his ass.

But don't feel sorry for these dickholes. It's one thing for someone to get pissed off because someone is ruining their game. It's another for them to melt down and tell them, "If there's any justice, you'll fucking die in a car crash tonight, you f**got." He hears this a lot, by the way. That word is the go-to insult for all unoriginal rage machines, and all it takes to get them going is finding someone who isn't very good at the game. Or, you know, talking for any reason at all:

Those are the people who deserve it. People who immediately jump to insults, death threats, bigotry, racism ... complete sacks of shit who in any other real-life setting would be prescribed anti-psychotic medication and court-ordered anger management counseling. Like these guys who try to talk him into suicide, threaten to stab him, and, of course, use their favorite go-to insult:

4
There Needs To Be A Good Running Joke

I mentioned that not all of his videos are about riling people up. In fact, most of them are straight-up comedy performances. That's what separates Weregonnalose from virtually every other troll I've seen. He doesn't just go into a NASCAR game with the plan of "Let's crash everyone until they start screaming." He'll actually create a character who thinks the best race car driver of all time was Tom Cruise in the 1980s when he drove the Mellow Yellow car. Or that the racer Kyle Petty was the lead singer of the Heartbreakers:

You'll find that Tom Cruise joke as a running theme in his racing series. And the thing that blows me away is that nobody ever catches on that he's just screwing with them. A large part of that is how he maintains a steady "dumb" character throughout the videos, so every ridiculous claim he makes sounds like a legitimate belief. Like in this one, where he keeps claiming that to begin the race, everyone has to hit start at the same time, even though that's clearly not an option:

And of course, if he doesn't find any angry people in the lobby, he can just pretend to have those issues himself. One of my favorite videos is when he claims that sometimes when he has mic issues, he'll get so mad that he throws his TV out the window. And that one time he got so mad that he kicked his three-year-old son in the face. Then later in the conversation, he tells a guy, "You can come over to my house and play if you want. Just don't bring your kids, because I kick them in the face sometimes."

Yes, crashing is a big part of the trolling, but it's rarely the central feature of the video. I'd still watch him pissing off rednecks all day, but when he adds in claims that everyone from Detroit steals, it takes it to a whole other level. Or when he based an entire video around yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" as he slammed into other cars. Then explained to them that "Dingledorf said that to Harry at the end of Chambers Of Fire."

Continue Reading Below

3
You Need To Appear Genuinely Inept

Going back to the original reason he started trolling, Weregonnalose is a master at appearing inept in a game. I say "appearing" because when you really look close at what he's doing, you realize that it takes quite a bit of skill. Coming up with creative ways to crash into people takes pinpoint precision, which you can't pull off without quite a bit of practice.

One of the best examples of this is in this Madden video:

In the beginning, it's almost like a slapstick routine, as he just can't get the quarterback's instructions down to save his life. It's so over the top that it comes across like Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First." But notice that clear up until the end of this game, they're winning. Then, with one second to go in the fourth quarter, he abandons his coverage, leaving the other team wide open for a 100-yard touchdown pass. That's pretty fucking impressive.

But as much as I love his NFL ones, the NBA ones are something special. In this video, every time he gets the ball, he counts down from five, like a child does on a playground, pretending that all of his shots are buzzer-beaters:

In most of those games, he throws up three-point shots so far behind the line that they're pretty much from half-court. That's funny to me in itself, but he takes it to another level by talking shit while he does it. "Weather man's callin' for rain. Weather man 'bout to make it rain like BOOM!" Complete airball. Or, "Is it the shoes?!" *Clank* When people ask him why he's throwing up shots like that, he calmly explains that in order to get three points, you have to take the shot behind that curvy line.

2
Assholes Will Make Idiots Of Themselves ... Let Them

My absolute favorite video of his isn't really representative of the rest of the channel, but it's incredible. You can tell that he started it out with his basic trolling, but something wonderful and unexpected happens at 38 seconds that changes everything.

One of the guys makes a stereotypical "I'd totally beat your ass" type of comment, which always sets up Weregonnalose to come back with, "You couldn't beat me. I know karate." It happens a lot in these videos, but what he didn't expect was the guy to tell him, "I'm a grown-ass man, dude. Special Ops, dude. Bring it. Marine Corps, baby. Bring it."

I've grown up with and partied with tons of liars in my time, and I've come to recognize a specific tone of voice that a certain type of redneck takes when he lie-brags. And this guy is just fucking saturated in it. Weregonnalose must have noticed it, too, because he started pressing him for more information.

Oh, I forgot to tell you: WGL was actually in the military.

Through some rapid-fire grilling, he gets the guy to tell him that he was 1) only in the marines for four years, and 2) he remained a private for all of them. WGL points out that if he was a private for four years, then he wasn't in special ops, and that they very likely would have kicked him out long before then. He then asks him one of the most basic questions that every Marine should know: What is the Marine Corps' birthday? The guy has no idea.

The rest of the whole video is WGL pressing the issue and not letting up for one second. He calls him a "fake Marine" and asks if he bought a uniform at a flea market so he could put it on and get free meals from Applebee's. The whole takedown is pure art, and it just goes to show that when you let an idiot just be an idiot, they write this shit for you.

Continue Reading Below

1
Find The Alpha Male And Completely Fuck Up His Day

One thing you'll find in almost every online game you play is one guy who presents himself as a know-it-all, controlling asshole. He's the alpha male, and if you dare get on his bad side, he'll erupt. Sometimes, it takes a bit of coaxing to get them to make themselves known, though. You have to dig deep and come up with a well-formulated plan that preys on their psychological instabilities. Like saying the phrase, "Aw yeah, yeah!"

The guy who loses his shit after hearing that phrase just one time deserves every second of trolling he gets. That guy is such an over-the-top douchebag that if you were to be attacked by him on the street and you legitimately thought your life was at risk, you couldn't defend yourself by punching him. You could only open-hand slap him, because that's what's douchebags deserve. It's an ingrained biological response.

But since you can't physically slap them online, you might as well just troll them until they break. It's the online equivalent of the tiny kid at school finally standing up for himself and beating the shit out of the bully, and I love it.

These are the guys whose best comebacks are seeing his name and acting like he just picked it by accident. "We're gonna lose? Yeah, that's exactly right, buddy! Your name says it all! We ARE gonna lose!" As a viewer, you want to step in and tell them, "That's the joke, you fucking obtuse waste. How can you still not see that he's screwing with you?" But WGL just goes along with it, because he understands that the longer you let these assholes rant, the worse they look.

Or maybe I'm just sadistic and love watching people lose their shit for no reason. Hey, I'm only human. Well all have our dark sides. Here's his channel, if you'd like to call in sick to work and spend a whole week watching these.

And here's a video of him punching people to death while telling them to shut up:

What do Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson in 'Taken,' and the Dos Equis guy have in common? They're all losers compared to some of the actual badasses from history you know nothing about. Come out to the UCB Sunset for another LIVE podcast, April 9th at 7PM where Jack O'Brien, Michael Swaim, and more will get together for an epic competition to find out who was the most hardcore tough-guy (or tough-gal) unfairly relegated to the footnotes of history. Get your tickets here!

Psst ... want to give us feedback on the super-secret beta launch of the upcoming Cracked spin-off site, Braindrop? Well, simply follow us behind this curtain. Or, you know, click here: Braindrop.

Check out Olympic level displays of trolling in 6 Hilariously Creative Ways People Are Trolling The Internet and learn the art of trolling from our very own Maxwell Yezpitelok in 4 Things I Learned About Teenage Trolls (From Being One).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why Trump might just be trolling us in How Trump Might Be Our Next President - Cracked Responds, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook and try not to prank and troll us in the comments. Just send us a passive aggressive message to our inbox like an adult.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

361 Comments

Load Comments