5 Things All Games Could Learn from 'Saints Row IV'

The Saints Row series is the Dragon Ball Z of open world gaming. They keep charging up and charging up, and just when you think it can't get any more ridiculous, somebody turns albino and blows up a planet. The first Saints Row game started off as a cheap Grand Theft Auto clone of no special note, the second became a slight parody of the genre, the third was a non-stop onslaught on punchlines about gaming in general, and now the fourth has launched off into space to explore brave new frontiers of stupidity. And as aggressively idiotic as every moment of the last few games have been, they have also been, without a doubt, the most entertainment for the dollar you can get. So maybe there's something other games can learn from the Saints Row series. Lessons like ...

#5. Maybe Story Isn't All That Important After All

Edge Online

Oh God, and that's coming from me? Practically all I do is harp on the lack of atmosphere and quality storytelling in modern games, as though the entire "fun" aspect is tangential to the serious business of video games. If I seem to rant too much about the lack of story in games, it's only because I concede that games pretty much nailed the entertainment bit, and I think it's time for them to expand. So, yes, story is important, both to me personally, and to the overall growth of the entire medium. But sometimes, just sometimes: Fuck it.

If you follow the Saints Row series to find out where the story goes next, even the game itself kind of wants you to take a flying fuck at the moon. It's almost tradition that each new iteration of the Saints Row series abandons all that came before it. You can see it in the sequel numbering system alone. And Saints Row IV is no different: Within the first half-hour, you become President of the United States, get thrown into the attack scene from Independence Day, and then wake up in The Matrix. Those kinds of shenanigans aren't winning any points in the story category. As far as plot goes, it's wildly uncreative, flagrantly stolen, and almost total gibberish.

But none of it matters, because the story is really only a thinly veiled excuse to introduce new gameplay mechanics. The alien stuff seems a bit out of left field, but it also means strange new vehicles, bizarre weapons, and epic set-pieces in outer space. The Matrix stuff is, to put it politely, two miles past the offramp to retarded - but so what? Because now you get Neo-style superpowers, can jump between wildly different "simulations," and have the ability materialize objects right where you stand. No more phoning in for vehicle delivery and waiting for the AI to crash your shiny new jet into a building trying to reach you. This is the Matrix, remember? It's all just data, so why not have it beam in right where you're standing?

Don't get me wrong. I love it when games go for hyper-realism: I loved S.T.A.L.K.E.R., Metro 2033, and Fallout for their grueling mercilessness. When I found the thirst mechanics in New Vegas lacking, for example, I went out and downloaded mods to make the repercussions more severe. I don't know why I found that satisfying -- in what chapter of the Fun Manual is "realistically die from thirst" recommended? But Saints Row IV aims for the exact opposite type of satisfaction -- it targets the part of your brain that releases endorphins whenever a jet fighter shaped like a Screaming Eagle teleports in front of you, just so you can pick it up with your mind and whip it into a gas station.

I call it "The Explosion Lobe."

#4. Give More to the Players

Paste Magazine

I have no doubt there will be hundreds of dollars of entirely meaningless DLC available for SRIV within the next few weeks. The last game stopped just shy of selling you new color patterns for your dildo bat. THQ has not exactly been the model of restraint as far as micro-transactions go. However, it cannot be said that they're holding out on the players for extra cash. Another side effect of SRIV taking place in the Special Needs section of the Matrix is the ability to re-skin whatever you want. The first time you step foot in the weapon shop, you're given the opportunity to customize your gun. Not by slightly altering the shade and texture of the grip, like most shooters offer. No, you can choose to have Deckard's pistol from Blade Runner; you can turn your shotgun into an old-timey blunderbuss and your assault rifle into a Tommy Gun. None of this is real, remember, so why not let the player do whatever the hell they want?

I guarantee you, if this were any other game, the player's first free options for customization would be "black or silver metal," and maybe "camo grip" if the developers were feeling generous. Saints Row IV gives you Mal's pistol from Firefly for nothing. Call of Duty charges you five bucks to change the type of leather your holster is made out of. Street Fighter IV charges you four bucks for Cammy's new thong pack -- there aren't many modern games left that give you decent extras right off the bat. Wire-frame tank from that old Atari game? That's probably a dollar. Turning your crew into Ninjas? Got to be a dollar, at least.

Nope: Free.

It's a lesson more game companies can take to heart: You can charge whatever you want for all that extra crap, but don't forget to throw a little of it our way as a reward for, y'know, buying the whole friggin' game in the first place. I'm sure Saints Row IV will sell you all manner of ridiculous, unnecessary customization and strange extras in the next few months. But the gun that turns everything to dubstep and the tentacle-rape bat, at least, are free of charge.

#3. Go Ahead and Steal

Gaming Trend

Great writers will reword phrases, rework devices and occasionally lift whole arcs from other, classic works. Brilliant directors will frame shots and occasionally recreate entire scenes from their favorite movies. We should not hold video games to a higher standard than other media. Sometimes, it's OK to steal:

Saints Row started life as the Admiral Crisp to Grand Theft Auto's Captain Crunch. They've always been down with some petty larceny, and that legacy is preserved in SRIV. Some of it is done under the guise of parody -- there are large bits lifted from (read: directly mocking) Mass Effect and the Bioware games, there are a few text adventures in the style of Zork, and even a brief homage to Tank Wars. But that's parody, not outright theft. For the shameless stealing, Saints Row IV looked to games like Crackdown and Prototype. It's no longer about jacking cars and pulling drive-bys. This is a superhero game.

In a way, that ruins the whole experience. I can see you being heartbroken, if you were really attached to the ground-level crime-sim of the last few games. If that's the case, the new changes are almost vindictive: Vehicles are entirely pointless in SRIV. They're still there -- all your favorites, the sports cars and tanks and Akira-style motorcycles -- but you can sprint faster than any of them within the first 20 minutes of the game. You can fly as fast as a fighter jet within the first hour. That might be heartbreaking news to you, if you're expecting another GTA clone with slightly more liberal use of dildos. But Saints Row does try to make up for it by letting the player sprint up the sides of buildings and fire freeze blasts.

Ultimately, your system of value is your own, so I'll just say this: If that doesn't sound like a fair trade to you, then you might need to phone the Care Bears, because somebody has stolen your child-like sense of glee.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Robert Brockway

  • Rss

More by Robert Brockway:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!