The 5 Most Incredibly Detailed Replicas Ever Made by Fans The 4 Most Underrated Feelings in the World 5 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is the Biggest Troll Alive
Cracked Columnists

5 Simple Steps for Planning Romance (At a Convenience Store)

Did you know that men suck and make mistakes? Of course you do. You've seen television sitcoms. But it's true. Sometimes even the most wonderful men in the world forget important dates. And not "important" like Spider-Man's first appearance in August of 1962, but "important" like wedding anniversaries.


No, their own wedding anniversary, not Spidey's.

A couple of months ago, I forgot mine. Even worse, I'd worked late that night and didn't realize I'd forgotten it until about 9:30 p.m. Yes, most stores were closed, but all was not lost. As I drove home from the train station, there -- like a safe haven or lost beer found at the bottom of the crisper drawer -- was my neighborhood 7-Eleven. This is how it saved my life.

#5. Flowers to the Rescue!

The first step in managing any calamity is damage control. Now, while the layman's first thought of 7-Eleven might be the Big Gulp, I knew it also as a florist. And unlike conventional florists filled with fussy and pricey bouquets, 7-Eleven had them ready to go. Flowers are flowers. No reason I couldn't lie and say they were expensive.

Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images
May as well save money; they're going to die anyway.

Flowers in hand, I continued on my journey to set my screw-up right and create a romantic mood.

#4. Perhaps a Fine Wine?

You can't have a romantic evening without a nice bottle of wine, right? Now, it's true that many liquor stores stay open late, but I was already in a rush, and 7-Eleven understands that, which is why they offer a selection of wines in as many colors as the flower display.


I'll take the red one!

I had only been in the store for literally 30 seconds and managed to secure both flowers and wine. My cramping tennis ball heart began to relax. I could still see the disappointment in my wife's eyes, but it was getting harder and harder to imagine her sinking a kitchen knife into my spleen while I slept. Still, I wanted a little insurance. That wine might be too delicate to safeguard my existence, so I also picked up some insurance.


PRO TIP: Studies show that women are 40 percent less likely to murder their husbands when they are offered a variety of beverages.

Things were definitely looking up. But what now? I needed more. Flowers ... alcohol ... CANDY!

#3. Chocolates for the Lady?

I asked the on-staff chocolatier to direct me to the proper section for fine desserts, but was informed that, although 7-Eleven had performed so admirably in the areas of floral design and alcoholic libations, the store did not sell hand-crafted truffles. But then again, my wife is no fancy-pants, so I explored the options before me. I browsed the breathtaking display of good ol' fashioned American candy. It seemed I had a lot to learn:


For example, there are more than two kinds of M&Ms?

I went with some peanut M&Ms while trying to think of something sweet to say to distract from my common candy offering. Maybe something like "sweets for the sweet" or "I got you this kind of M&M because I know you love nuts." I wasn't sure. I'd have to work on it.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

CRACKED Staff

  • Rss

More by CRACKED Staff:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

47 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!