They say that if we could all just stop being jerks to each other for five minutes, we could explore the universe. Not true. It turns out when people stop fighting and start collaborating, we instead bank on future fights and build the biggest weapons we can think of. We've told you before about various unbelievable weapons, but the combination of the greatest minds and trillions of dollars means the inventions never stop coming. Here is some space age technology that is already within our grasp.
5Lasers on Everything
Every action movie, from Bond to Star Wars, knows that lasers are the coolest weapons. It turns out all the lab geeks who work for the military saw the same science fiction movies you did, and it means that one day every square inch of our military will be covered in laser guns.
The battlefield of the future. Bring your own E.
Let's start with planes. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is experimenting with mounting laser cannons on planes, if for no other reason than to give those awful people who shine laser pointers at airborne planes a taste of their own medicine. But then again, when you think about it, pilots are such a thing of the past. Drones are the future. We've already put bombs and machine guns on them, why not lasers? Recently U.S. Air Force captain and drone pilot Michael Byrnes explained in a military magazine how unmanned laser drones could be the future of aerial dogfighting. So, soon every air battle will be like Top Gun, but if Maverick was a robot and the planes burned up mysteriously because technically you won't even be able to see the laser.
But what if we create this technology and it falls into enemy hands? Simple: Just equip Hummers with anti-drone lasers. That way when our creation comes back to kill us like some Frankenstein monster made out of pure energy, we can take it out with EVEN MORE LASERS.
Office of Naval Research
Then there is the ultimate prize, the ray gun we have all wanted since we were children. DARPA is working on making this seemingly impossible goal a reality by slowly shrinking available laser technology in their totally awesomely named Excalibur program.
But these weapons are all going to be available sometime in the future. You want to know what kind of ass lasers are kicking right now, right? Well, the Navy has come up with a laser cannon for taking down drones, small boats, and other threats. And it's not theoretical; it's on a ship as we speak. The chief of naval research is most excited about its cost: less than a dollar per "round," compared to thousands of dollars to fire a missile. Thanks to the recession, in the future war could be just a constant barrage of lasers firing from every available surface.
If you've ever been to a gun range, you probably know that, no matter what your political affiliation, holding that weapon just makes you feel cool. Suddenly you are Dirty Harry or Doc Holiday. At least until the target sheet comes lumbering back, completely unscathed. Then you hate guns again and the sun was in your eyes, and, hey, the A-Team always missed as well, and they were still awesome.
Amazingly, technology now exists to make you and (more importantly) military snipers a perfect shot almost every time.
Yeah, that is probably an appropriate reaction.
A company called TrackingPoint, which according to its founder is full of "video game nerds," has created a gun for the military that makes shooting a distant target laughably easy. Whereas before snipers had to calculate a dozen different things in their head in order to get the perfect shot, now the gun can do it all for them. Literally. These firearms can tell the "atmospheric conditions, cant, inclination, even the slight shift of the Earth's rotation known as the Coriolis effect." That's right -- this gun can feel the Earth move. (And not in a sexual way, unless you really don't understand why most people like guns...or how sex works.) Forget snipers doing endless calculations; with TrackingPoint's gun, as long as they know the wind speed and direction, they are good to go.
"'Cookie Monster' is close enough. Welcome to the Army, kid."
While unbelievably advanced, it is astonishingly simple to use. First you find your target, and then you hit a red button near the trigger. This, as one reporter put it, is "similar to the way a Facebook user tags a friend in a photograph." Incidentally, we'd like to send a letter to the editor explaining that "friendship," is a staggeringly inappropriate analogy for turning someone's head into a pink mist.
Well-trained military snipers only have a 20 to 30 percent first shot success rate with their current weapons. This new technology is so impressive that after only a couple minutes of instruction, 70 percent of regular people -- not military members or gun experts -- manage to hit a target 10 football fields away on the first try.
Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Getty Images
Because measuring pure violence in football fields just feels fitting.