5 Reasons the NCAA Tournament Is a Total Scam

March Madness has begun! For fans of college basketball, this is the most wonderful time of the year. The NCAA 68-team collegiate mega-tournament promises action-packed drama in the form of wildly gesticulating coaches, sudden-death eliminations, and lots and lots of basketball. As a former student of a Division I school that was this close to taking it all, I'm still a huge fan and get caught up in the excitement just as much as anyone else. That said, the NCAA is a horribly flawed institution, and that's never more apparent than when tournament time rolls around. Here are a few reasons why March Madness is the worst best sporting event ever ...

#5. Cinderella Stories and the Perfect Bracket Are Fantasies

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Everyone loves a fairytale ending, and the NCAA tournament makes a huge deal of the fact that, in theory, any team could win it all. The thing about theories, though, is that they're just that. In practice, March Madness is more about fairytale beginnings that usually crash and burn by the third round at best. "Cinderella" teams are great for business and television viewership, so it behooves the media to play up the same scrappy 'David versus Goliath' angle every year, but it's a total damn pipe dream. A 16th-seed team has never bested a No. 1 seed and probably never will. If it does happen, that's almost certainly where the dragon slaying will come to an end.

Even last year's Duke-Mercer second round upset was far from a Disney-esque fantasy come to life.

Wikipedia
Unless you hate Duke, and you should.

After all the hoopla, how did the upstart Mercer Bears fare after knocking the Blue Devils down? They lost in the very next round to Tennessee. The fact is, over the past 30 years, only nine teams seeded No. 6 or lower have ever reached the Final Four. Mercer's win was nothing more than an anomaly that serves no other purpose than to propel that dipshit in accounting who only picked teams with animal mascots as winners to an undeserved win in the office bracket pool.

Getty Images/Photodisc/Getty Images
Goddamn you, Phil!

Speaking of that, for all your strategizing and theorizing, your tournament bracket will be busted. If Duke doesn't do it by losing early (they will), some unknown No. 12 seed will beat a No. 5 seed, and you'll still be ruined. Whereas a No. 16 seed has never won in the first round, it's been 2007 since a No. 5 seed didn't have their dreams broken by a borderline community college. It's happened 44 times in total.

The point is, Bracketology is really just a study in frustration and mathematical improbability. The perfect bracket is pretty much unattainable, but that doesn't stop people from dreaming about it. Last year Quicken Loans partnered with Warren Buffett to offer $1 billion to anyone who could correctly predict the outcome of the 2014 tournament games. A billion dollars is a lot of money to put on the line, but an extremely safe bet and brilliant marketing ploy on the part of Buffett and the loan company. As DePaul University mathematics professor Jeff Bergen has explained, there is less than one in 9.2 quintillion chance of getting it just right.

As a result, after all the hype and excitement has died down after the first few rounds and your bracket is in tatters, the NCAA tourney actually gets way less interesting for most people as it heads toward the finish.

#4. It's All About Gambling (Just Not Officially)

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March Madness is the Super Bowl of sports betting. I know, you'd think the Super Bowl would be the Super Bowl of sports betting, but you're wrong. According to the New York Times, more than $200 million is legally wagered on the tournament every March, more than two times the legal Super Bowl action. But that number pales in comparison to the amount of unsanctioned punting that goes on. In 2013, the FBI estimated that $2.5 billion was bet illegally on the tournament, while professional bookmakers put the numbers even higher, at somewhere between $12 to $26 billion.

Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images
Don't rule out that someone at the FBI just shifted a decimal point and didn't care enough to fix it.

That's certainly a lot of ill-gotten hay for an event ostensibly tied to the lofty ideals of amateurism and the pursuit of higher learning. But what's the harm? Well, some would argue that March Madness has turned into a national gambling holiday and that athleticism and sportsmanship have taken a back seat to the allure of a financial windfall. That's not a good look for an organization that takes keeping student athletes broke and hungry so seriously, they disciplined three college football players for eating too much pasta at a charity banquet in 2013.

Officially, the NCAA "opposes all forms of legal and illegal sports wagering, which has the potential to undermine the integrity of sports contests and jeopardizes the welfare of student-athletes and the intercollegiate athletics community."

Unofficially, can the NCAA really pretend they are that opposed to betting on the tournament? More people with a financial stake in the games means more television viewers, leading to higher revenues, which in turn lines the NCAA coffers. Even this NCAA anti-gambling PSA seems halfhearted at best ...

... as the main crux of their argument against wagering on college sports seems to be "don't do it, because college athletes are idiots."

And for all their bluster about keeping gambling out of college sports, the NCAA looks the other way when schools compete in tournaments taking place in gambling meccas like the Battle 4 Atlantis in the Bahamas or the Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut. And that's only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the NCAA hypocrisy.

#3. The NCAA Operates Like a Cartel

Dave Long/iStock/Getty Images

According to NCAA president Mark Emmert, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) was founded over 100 years ago for "the purpose of protecting student-athlete well-being, providing the approximation of a level playing field and providing safeguards around the nature of intercollegiate sport." Sounds like a very noble endeavor, but somewhere along the way this nonprofit organization also figured out a way to rake in billions of (tax-free!) dollars, with the tournament generating at least 90 percent of the operating budget.

commons.wikimedia.org
Also a nonprofit organization, for the record.

Plastered with corporate sponsorships, endowed with a $700-million television contract and merchandised to the hilt, March Madness might as well just print its own money.

Business is booming, and while the billions keep rolling in, not much beyond scholarship money trickles down to the players. When it comes to compensating athletes for the revenue they generate, the NCAA behaves more like Simon Legree than a benevolent big brother. In fact, many have accused the NCAA of being a ruthless cartel engaged in a scheme to control the market that makes OPEC look like a knitting circle, all while hiding behind the guise of protecting the "amateurism" of the student-athlete.

Bound by the shackles of their amateurism, players are barely receiving the crumbs of this very profitable pie, but not everyone is walking away hungry ...

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