Recently I noticed that some monitoring software I have installed was blocking a government IP address, which is funny because, checking the logs, I saw that no government IP had ever attempted an unprompted connection with my computer before oh, say, July 3rd at about 8:30 EST. I looked up some information on this address and found several forum threads regarding it, with many speculating that it was the FBI watchlist. This, coupled with my intense drug-induced paranoia and something I call ‘recreational schizophrenia’ led to an interesting few nights of hysteria that may or may not have resulted in me attacking passerby with a baseball bat while shouting the freedom of information act - literally just shouting the words “the freedom of information act” while ambushing my neighbors from the trees (because the trees are technically in the sky, and no man can own the sky!)
But regardless of what brought the authorities to my doorstep, I would like to take a moment to assure them that we here at Cracked do not pose any danger to the United States Government but are, at worst, merely a danger to ourselves and others. And, in order to further prove our sincerity, all images in this post have been replaced by hot chicks in American flag bikinis with quotes so patriotic that terrorists would vomit bald eagles if they even read them. God bless the USA.
America is a tune. It must be sung together. ~Gerald Stanley Lee
First off, the amount of anti-government propaganda produced by Cracked is really rather small; for every scathing tirade we publish regarding the injustices inflicted upon the common man by a corrupt empire, there are precisely eighteen thousand essays about why we, as grown men, still care deeply about action figures. In terms of sheer volume, the amount of treacherous content that the Cracked engine belches out from its furnace of rapier-witted man-boys is entirely negligible. Even if our readers were stirred to action by our sterling words of shining brilliance, please keep in mind that Cracked updates daily, and that the next day’s call to action will likely come in the form of a Steven Seagal Ponytail Retrospective.
A man’s country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle. ~George William Curtis
As Cracked authors, we primarily write for a demographic of twenty-something middle-class white males - notoriously the most content and apathetic demographic imaginable, falling just short of post-orgasmic Pillsbury Doughboy on the “likelihood of revolutionary action” scale. I could post absolute, irrefutable proof that every single government conspiracy from the JFK assassination to the fake moon landing was true and, unless this proof was well under 1500 words and all on one page, not one single person would actually read the entire thing. The atrocities and injustices that, in other gathering places, would single handedly spark a revolution will, within these relatively sticky halls, be simply considered ‘tl’ and thusly ‘dr.’
There are those, I know, who will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American dream. ~Archibald MacLeish
Let’s face it, United States Government: The internet wants to take you down. The only thing more popular than anti-American news stories on the internet is titties - and titties are more popular than everything on anything, so that doesn’t really count. Even if you have an elite anti-comedy SWAT team out there devoted solely to eliminating the ever-increasing menace of Wikipedia-quoting fancy-boys - we’re nowhere near as bad as those guys at Funny or Die. Seriously, take my word for it, every other video on that site is a terrorist how-to film. Take a look at what they posted just yesterday: A video titled “Death to the Corrupt American Empire (Starring Will Ferrell!)” That link doesn’t seem to work right now (they must have pulled it as soon as they noticed you were looking,) but lucky for you I took a screencap.
Go get ‘em, boys.
This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis
We here at Cracked are, first and foremost, Comedy Writers - not ‘Fact Checkers’ or ‘Researchers’ or ‘Science Understanders’ - we try to write humorously about interesting things and, in the process, often end up referencing disputed facts, unreliable sources, or simply making some shit up at the last minute because we spent our research time drinking Russian cologne when the guy at the liquor store refused to sell to us just because we frequently come in wearing nothing but a beer hat and a smile (and sometimes not even the smile.)
In a nutshell: Our credibility is shot.
For example, take this article I wrote about comic books. It is simply riddled with inaccuracy, disinformation, and mean-spirited lies. Clearly, I wrote this article with an anti-comic book agenda that was barely concealed beneath a thin veneer of incompetency. And that was something as trivial as comics! Imagine our validity as a political source! We could post live streaming video of Obama selling children to starving alien soul-rapists, accompanied by a certificate of authenticity signed by the ghost of George Washington himself and we would still be called a Photoshop. I’m not sure exactly why people call us that, but I assume it means something akin to ‘liar.’ So don’t worry about us! We have all the believability of The Boy Who Cried Wolf if, instead of a boy, he was a functionally retarded blind man and, instead of a wolf, he was crying Loch Ness Sasquatch Elvis.
“I was brought up on the street / I’m facing up to freedom / And chasing down my dream / I was made in America.” -Jon Bon Jovi
Seriously, it was DOB. Did you guys not see this? Look at it! He’s a traitor! We’re not even a real website! It was all a sting! An elaborate ruse to sniff out the traitor in our midst! McCarthy forever, betrayal never! Better dead than red! These colors don’t run! Never forget! Buy American!
Uh…Thunder Road!
This entry was posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Cracked, Government. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 14th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
“American’s are the most arrogant country in the world”
Dude, do you even read what you write? Or are you just retarded?
October 30th, 2009 at 2:11 am
America kicks ass and all other countries suck cept Scotland, Ireland, and Germany they cool
October 29th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
American’s are the most arrogant country in the world
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:25 am
This
September 5th, 2009 at 12:54 am
AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD FUCK YA
August 27th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
AMERICA! The land of tits, stupid leaders and drugs.
A justice system so thorough that you will get arrested if you say “DEATH TO AMERICA” or even “Darwin may be onto somethin”
August 19th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Diekks…
You are a fucktard for the words you have spoken. please go somewhere, preferebly a small hole or cave and die. thank you.
August 7th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
America indeed is not a Country Mates! America is comprised of South/Central and North America,. Are we talking about continents here , perhaps?
Oh, United States of Mexico, With its own identity claims the Mexico name from their own Federative name…United Stes of America, oh yeah very original.., from the great continent that occupies as a state.,,
The Kiwi-Dutch…
August 7th, 2009 at 8:58 am
You forgot the 2 newest and lamest, “Hope” & “Vote For Change”
August 6th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
oookay… well 1. America is a country… if you think it’s not then really you need to go back to highschool and retake the history class, 2. The world will not end in 2012… people said the world was gonna be thrown into chaos from the Y2K and nothing happened… there for the prediction of 2012, where the planets will align and the earth’s magnetic pole and blah blah blah is scientifically impossible… we’d have a bigger chance of a gigantic meteor hurling toward us before that happens. I don’t believe in that mumbojumbo bullshit. But in the event that the earth does end in 2012 i’m gonna get a lawn chair and watch the fireworks cause, hey imma die anyway so why not look it in the face and laugh at it?
August 6th, 2009 at 9:16 am
meh.Nice tits
August 5th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
America isn’t a country? Oh yeah, it’s a fucking force of nature. If America decided to say “alright, all you other countries bend over, cuz I’m gonna ass rape all of you” then kiss your ass goodbye before america plugs it.” And that’s why I love her. And her bountiful land of milk, honey, and titties.
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Gizah: What is wrong with calling the United States of America, America? I’m sure you’ve heard of Mexico, but it is really the United Mexican States. I’m sorry not everyone is as pedantic as you are.
July 31st, 2009 at 1:25 pm
You sir, Kieran.
Are absolutely fucking insane beyond all visionary context and soul crushingly out of this world, testicle munchingly devastating saftey belt wearing, caterwauling spider monkey madness.
You should be a cop! Seriously, two hundred dollar parking ticket, “slow stop” at a fucking stop sign.
The fuck is that….
Anyway.
I could smell the traitor on Obrien,(though I shouldn’t be smelling the man in his sleep, though one time he awoke and said “keep going”) it was technically illegal, but I’m a loose cannon cop on the edge.
And hey? Whats with all the “meh” blondes? Throw a little nutella on would you?
Ahem, I think that’s the preferred nomenclature that black people use.
July 25th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Good job, boys. Such an elaborate ruse is sure to fool uncle sam and all of his underlings. Sucks for them, cause while they’re trying to root out terrorists and malcontents on fucking cracked.com, they fail to see the revolution at the end of the road on 2012. Everyone, stockpile guns. It is the only way… IF Obama is the antichrist (and that’s a big IF; I think he’s a pimp in Sheep’s clothes) then that’s all the better: Let this mutha fucka burn! My only dream in life is to die and become an ArchAngel, then spend the rest of eternity slaying fucking Demons! That’s right, demons. And if there is any way to expedite myself and Newt Gingrich dying at the same time to fight it out in one final, ferocious battle, shit, I’ll definitely buy a ticket for that ride. I’ll also need a big sword. Like, really big. Claymore style, or even a katana. I’m trying to cook up some murder cakes.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:43 am
I nearly vomited myself from those quotes.
July 16th, 2009 at 3:46 am
At the risk of sounding un-American, are there no hot babes in the USA who aren’t underfed blonds with fake tits? I like vanilla, too, but a trip to 31 flavors once in a while can’t hurt.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Bullshit
By the way, America is not a country.
July 14th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Did I just catch a crying o’ lot 49 referenece on, of all places, the cracked forum? This is the biggest thing since Burrough’s fictional dildo got a band named after it.
July 14th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I read it all. Every word. It was worth every moment.
July 14th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Actually, the filter is in debate and because of it’s ineffectiveness and unpopularity will probably sink the idea. It’s very unpopular and was an attempt to please the family first groups. We don’t really have much of a constitution, but it doesn’t mean anything. America has proven that it doesn’t matter, as they often break rules written down in their constitution.
BTW, tl;dr
July 13th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
tl;dr
July 12th, 2009 at 5:02 am
You’ve made some interesting and valid points in this article, but, seriously, we need some more damn titties. In fact this entire site could us 60%-80% more titties and plenty more nearly nude hot chicks with awesome 20-something-year-old asses. trustme… I’m in marketing.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I don’t usually read anything on this site besides dob and seanb, but this was really funny.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, PEOPLE WE’RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 11th, 2009 at 7:52 am
@ Kitourahime:
Nice job taking a joke article spoofing nationalism and turning it into something that’ll feed your nationalism.
And apparently you don’t follow any current events - Australia is fast apparoaching China in the web censorship category, not to mention you all don’t have any amendments guaranteeing the right to free speech in your constitution. Oi Oi Oi.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:08 am
The reason - one of them - that I’m glad that I’m Australian is that we don’t have that same political paranoia. We don’t monitor websites over here, and there isn’t really anything we can’t say.
Don’t believe me? Watch an episode of Good News Week.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
“Here we come to save the motherfucking day, yeah!”
also, I TOLD YOU! I FUCKING TOLD YOU GOD DAMMIT!
July 10th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
America! FUCK YEAH!
July 10th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
are those pics photoshopped or are there just a lot of chicks who like wearing the flage over their baby makers
July 10th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Girl + Flag + Boobs makes me happy.
Thanks.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Man, I had to look at this article about 5 times before I realized there was actually typing with the photos of the American flags. Being a Canuck, I usually look with disdain upon my neighbours to the south, but today I gotta say, “God Bless (blonde) America!!!!”
July 10th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Give him credit, he made you look.
Incidentally, reach your arm up your ass far enough and you’ll pull out golden eggs. Prove me wrong or go back to WoW, you underage, insignificant lowlife.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Is this any good? i just looked at photos
July 10th, 2009 at 9:09 am
… and we NEVER heard from them again.
THE END
July 10th, 2009 at 7:39 am
The girls in #3 = Striplettes.
One leg salute.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:45 am
I found a great site “”"”"B l a c k W h i t e L o v i n g.c O m “”"”"” It ’s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a sexy beauties and even hot celebs and make it true!
July 10th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Those lyrics under the final picture where written and performed by Richie Sambora, not Jon Bon Jovi. Small correction.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:00 am
LOL, dude that is just too funny!
RT
http://www.real-anonymity.pro.tc
July 10th, 2009 at 4:00 am
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
July 10th, 2009 at 1:45 am
Ah, you crazy Yanks, you so crazy.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:52 am
don’t leave anything breakable near the door. wear clothes to bed.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Seanbaby had a similar incident with his old, rarely updated, website. He’s familiar with this whole fucking with the president thing. The SS isn’t paid to have a sense of humor. Considering the current president is black, that’s probably a good thing.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I knew this would happen…
July 9th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
…that’s the shadow between her legs you fucking virgin! Watch your whoring Mom get out of the shower sometime. If she’s not a fat pig yet and you can still see (and smell) her camel toe… you’ll know. Dumb shit!
July 9th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
… with her pic. posted above I wouldn’t eat the raisins out of her asshole!
Oh… speaking of being patriotic… YOU GO CAPTAIN AMERICA 1st. PICK!!! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ Nice pic Hollywood!
July 9th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Was that “fan service”?
July 9th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Mister Master:
“Look at the center girl at #3. Notice how the drapes don’t match the carpet.
Just sayin’.”
I assume you were just joking but in case you weren’t: that is clearly a shadow not pubes.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Absolute Genius, and the girls in #3 are all butterfaces.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Look at the center girl at #3. Notice how the drapes don’t match the carpet.
Just sayin’.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Toby, you are a hero.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
all glory to the noble mujahadeen
July 9th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Ugh, all the girls in number 3 are ugly.
TANS AND BLONDE HAIR DOES NOT WORK, IT DOES NOT LOOK ATTRACTIVE TO ANYONE.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Lomnan Says:
Did anyone else notice the bad numbering? 5,4,3,2,5??? Dam me and my OCD. That aside, great article.
IT guy
#5, #4, #3, #2, #5?
True American, can’t even countdown from 5. Leave these guys alone Gov.
Clint Eastwood
“#5 It was DOB”
Should say
“#1 It was DOB”
Way to go functionally retarded blind man.
LOL dear sweet jesus, you incredibly stupid fools.
He only did that to further emphasize the inaccuracy of the material and dodgy jobs they like to say they do here.
Isn’t that OBVIOUS???
Think before you take any opportunity you can to poke crap at stuff, because someones gonna call you out on your ignorant fuckery.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Cracked 4 President take it one step at a time
July 9th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I love that Ceri proved one of the points in the article.
*goes back to vomiting bald eagles*
July 9th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
i was spilling my tea from my nose at ‘IT WAS DOB! ‘ roftl
good to see you back Mr.Brockway!!
July 9th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I got bored reading the post… I just ended up scrolling through looking at all the hawt women
July 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I don’t get what’s patriotic about the Alamo and 9/11, since they’re technically military failures (insert W joke here).
July 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I’m really looking forward to that Steven Seagal Ponytail Retrospective…it’s coming soon, right?
July 9th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I really, REALLY hope that they’re actually on the FBI watchlist. I can only imagine the sitcom like shenanigans that will ensue.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
5 reasons, numbered 5,4,3,2,5!
Alright.
Hey 4thSurvivor I like Gladstone!
I love you more than I did before Cracked!
July 9th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Loch Ness Sasquatch Elvis? Do you know how DANGEROUS those things are? And that functionally retarded blind men are the only ones able to sense their malicious, invisible presence??
Seriously though, that was the best line in the entire article.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Awesome.
I got a lot more from this article than I had expected. I now have a better understanding and appreciation of Cracked. I now publicly apologize for any negative post I may have made in the past towards Cracked.
Gladstone still sucks though.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I’m the one who posts ant-American propeganda and no-one’s after… Is that black helicopter Hovering above me? Er… gtg…
July 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
wikipedia quoting fancyboys!@ that shits funny!!!!!!
July 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
wikipedia quoting fancyboys!!!!!that shits funny!!!!!
July 9th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@Robert
That was my favourite comment of all time, just thought you should know.
A metallurge one day got a hunch
And lay down neath his hydraulic punch:
Odd that, so happy the ending
To massage and beam-bending:
M*y/I’s shrunk a bunch.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
You forgot “Don’t Tread on Me” on that last one. Then again, that might have made it worse. I don’t remember the reason for the slogan, and if you didn’t put any research time into your article, I’m sure as hell not going to waste time for a comment.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:47 am
#5
#4
#3
#2
#5
July 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
anybody else notice that it starts and ends with #5?
July 9th, 2009 at 11:24 am
This was beautiful. And then you completely ruined it by posting someone who either is or looks a lot like Heidi Montag at the end. Now that right there proves a nefarious agenda bent on the death of innocents.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:47 am
You’re the fucking man Brockway.
simply considered ‘tl’ and thusly ‘dr.’
July 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I guess this isn’t the best time to confess that I shot JFK.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am
” I’m fairly certain you can see some ‘muff’ in one of those pics… Now mind you, I’m not complaining, merely pointing it out.”
Yeah, but who gives a shit about seeing Will Farrell’s muff.
@DoctorChaos that was, without a doubt, the best comment you have ever made.
Brockway, don’t kiss up to the government, they are just going to fuck you in the end.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:12 am
So, trying to get DOB arrested so you could be the only original drunk stoner rapist around eh?
Very clever, mr. brockway, very clever…
July 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
@DoctorChaos: That was awesome. Keep up the stupid work.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Oh yeah, and for those who care. The new Pynchon will be out in like a month. Fuckin’ right.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Really? No one has ever made a Pynchon reference here before? I find that hard to believe. Everyone I know that reads Pynchon is also at least somewhat a fan of Cracked.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Boring article.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:30 am
The article was good until the Springsteen reference. Only then did it become epic.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:30 am
tl;dr, great pics tho
July 9th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Since when did the Flag have bush?
Seriously, #3. Middle chick.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:20 am
“#5 It was DOB”
Should say
“#1 It was DOB”
Way to go functionally retarded blind man.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Personally, I think Obama just likes to read Cracked. It’s not the Patriot Act- it’s just that the leader of the free world likes to relax by reading a humor site occasionally.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Bah, I thought cracked was rebelious and didnt give a fuck about what others think (including people who claim spesific parts of earth as their own).. You’ve just dissapointed a fan across the ocean :/
July 9th, 2009 at 8:56 am
DM, leave the stupid, pants-wettingly stupid bullshit whining to me, thanks.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:34 am
The Cracked demographic would be moved to revolutionary action if boobs were involved.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Lame.
A lame attempt to make yourselves look better for that lame and patently unfunny stuff about Obama’s kids.
Not insightful. Not cutting edge. Not kewl. Not original.
Not funny. Lame.
First rule of comedy: don’t write comedy when you’re angry or hurt. And you’re obviously all in a tizzie over the reaction to that other lame piece.
Seriously, what happened? Did all your real comedy writers go find real jobs or something?
Offensive is fine. Hell, anti-American, Kool-Aid guzzling ideological crap is even fine. But Jesus wept, make it funny.
C’mon, Cracked. Funny. You can do it.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:53 am
For the record: I disappeared to write a book. It is finished now. It will be published in spring. It is going to get me in a LOT of trouble.
Also for the record: Thomas Pynchon has never, ever been referenced in a Cracked comments section before. Cracked readers are not the same general demographic as Pynchon readers. Therefore, I am forced to conclude that “tommy the brat” is in fact Thomas Pynchon himself, and that this is where he disappeared to.
I call you out, Tommy. Get back to fucking work; books about erotic math are not going to write themselves.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:46 am
BROCKWAY’S BACK FUUUUUCK YAAAAAAAAA
July 9th, 2009 at 7:44 am
WOLVERINES!!!
July 9th, 2009 at 7:42 am
I think they bought it! Quick, everyone meet me by the Liberty Bell at sunset. The password is Swordfish. We Await Silent Trystero’s Empire!
July 9th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Good job not outing the group discussion in the forums that is rallying up support for the plan to stage a coup d’état against the heads of office and reestablish America under an oligarchical rule.
That would suck if that got out.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:08 am
This is the FBI:
We’re still watching and we’re going to take all your sorry asses to jail.
Love,
The Ghost of J. Edgar Hoover.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:46 am
“It was DOB”
to quote Dan Seitz in his latest article -
“Snitches get stitches”
July 9th, 2009 at 6:37 am
GOD DAMNIT BROCKWAY! I LOVE IT! I was laughing at the premise! Welcome back.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Well things could be worse. The Goverment could be looking at your article on Cracked’s police records, or the article on Zombie Contingency plans. Though if all else fails use Gladstone’s latest video to show A) DOB is usually drunk and likely was at the time of writting the article B) DOB has passed away and honestly what’s more patriotic than showing the violent demise of the college who wrote said article?
July 9th, 2009 at 6:29 am
You put #5 again as #1
July 9th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Okay, let’s have everyone who thought this was funny line up over here, and all the armchair Orwells line up over there.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:24 am
I’m fairly certain you can see some ‘muff’ in one of those pics… Now mind you, I’m not complaining, merely pointing it out.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:23 am
wow~~ how sexy they are!!
Hey guys, Find your sexy partners on __ WealthyMingle.net _ This is the #1 club for seeking the wealthy singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs. What are you waiting for? Find your sexy partner NOW!
July 9th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Careful what you say DOB, free speech is a thing of the past and you really don’t want to find out just how extraordinary their rendition is.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Great job Brockway.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Having had one look at the ‘offending article,’ six days ago, it was kinda obvious this was going to bring in the FBI Watch List. Which somehow makes it even funnier. XD
July 9th, 2009 at 5:41 am
[...] (A Message to the FBI) Jump to comments Posted in: Featured New column up at Cracked, wherein I shamelessly plead with the FBI to destroy my colleagues and continue turning a blind eye to my many, many criminal activities. [...]
July 9th, 2009 at 5:34 am
What is up with the funny or die image? You owe me a pic of hot chicks in American flag bikinis. Don’t worry about the quote, when placed under the image of hot chicks in flags, the words “Go get ‘em, boys” automatically becomes a patriotic quote.
I was going to request two images of hot chicks in American flag bikinis, but I think the hot chicks in body paint makes up for the chicks wearing american flag togas rather than bikinis.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:32 am
I noticed the 5 to 5 thing as well.
‘and titties are more popular than everything on anything, so that doesn’t really count.’
That amuses me
July 9th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Yeah, good luck with that, Cracked. If there was any reason involved in the process, you wouldn’t have been flagged due a CLEARLY facetious article. If there was a little reason you would have been flagged for the facetious article, then UNFLAGGED because your plan contains the steps, “give up” and “get caught.”
No point trying to apologize or argue your way out of it. You’re either on the list or you’re not. Best way to find out is to try to take a vacation.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:17 am
I thought the bad numbering was a bit to see who would notice it over the bewbs, trying to prove the “Boobs trump everything” argument.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:15 am
@IT guy
@Lomnan
I think that was the joke.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:51 am
#5, #4, #3, #2, #5?
True American, can’t even countdown from 5. Leave these guys alone Gov.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Did anyone else notice the bad numbering? 5,4,3,2,5??? Dam me and my OCD. That aside, great article.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Oooooooh, I don’t want Wolinsky dead, but I’d feel better if there were video proof. It’s all a conspiracy!
July 9th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Bucholz is Canadian, isn’t he? He must be the anti-American one!
(Note that I’m basing this claim off something I read in a Cracked column, so the truthfulness of it may be a bit skewed).
July 9th, 2009 at 4:35 am
ITS NOT 4:25 AM :’( its 14:34 DAMNIT!
July 9th, 2009 at 4:24 am
If there is a spy in out midst, it’s totally Swaim -
Just look at his eyes; his beady, soviet eyes…
July 9th, 2009 at 4:24 am
wait, government retaliation? dont tell me they actually made contact with cracked and whined about how gimped out and incompetent they are ?
Damn they are even sadder then i thought..
xcept for Obama!
OBAMAAaAAaAA *runs around semi naked and drunk screaming left winged chants*
July 9th, 2009 at 4:15 am
I kinda expected government retaliation on cracked. I really do have to ask now - was DOB really killed by Gladstone this week of was that episode of HBN recorded months in advance just for these sort of cases?
And if so, why hasn’t there been a death video of Wolinsky?
I’m starting to think that, yes, there is a cracked-government conspiracy
July 9th, 2009 at 4:11 am
Huh, I always thought it was Bucholz who would betray us.