drug commonly prescribed for Narcoleptics, and it helps maintain wakefulness over long periods of time without adversely affecting your mental state. It lets you stay up for about 48 hours at a stretch with none of the feelings of tiredness or mental decline that are typically associated with sleep deprivation, and no “sleep debt” to pay off. After two days awake, you get your eight hours and you’re good to go again. There are no amphetamine-like feelings, jitteriness or agitation. You just don’t get tired. It works entirely differently from stimulants like caffeine, the computer nerd’s drug of choice, or cocaine, the pornstar/Cracked Head Editor’s drug of choice.
"You're so fired." It’s known as a ‘Eugeroic,’ which translates to ‘good arousal’ in Greek, probably because it stimulates an entirely healthy state of wakefulness, and not because it gives you a mental boner. But it gets better; Modafinil has other, unintended effects too. It reduces impulsiveness, increases mental focus, and boosts the ability to recall numbers as well. All of these combine to generally improve your problem solving abilities, and because of this fact it’s quickly becoming the drug of choice for professors, academics, and chess-players alike. It makes you more intelligent, more alert, and more calculating. It’s like the mindset of a supervillain in pill form. The Pros The alertness isn’t described as unavoidable or stimulated; it’s just alert. If you want to go to sleep on Modafinil, it’s just as easy as ever. There are supposedly no side effects for coming down off of it, it just stops working. Also, the brand name for Modafinil is Provigil, which probably is not short for Professional Vigilante, but you can tell people that if you like. The Cons I don’t have any of it, and if you don’t fall asleep in front of subway trains – you’re probably don’t, either.
illusory sounds created when two tones of differing frequencies are played simultaneously, one in each of your ears, through stereo headphones. Your mind then perceives a low beating sound, when in fact there is no such thing. This is most likely caused by your brain being tricked into trying to pinpoint sounds in 3-D, which is great fun for anybody interested in new and novel sensations, or just people that love to be total dicks to brains.
"You gonna cry, fag?" Neurologists are interested in Binaural Beats in order to further study human hearing, experimental musicians are interested in them for creating new and experimental music, and hippies are interested in them because they could get you some kind of high off of music, which is pretty much all that they’ve been yammering about since the Grateful Dead popularized the six hour shitty jam session. Depending on the frequency range, Binaural Beats are purported to do everything from increasing your alertness and problem solving capabilities, to putting you to sleep, to invoking euphoric feelings and out of body experiences. There are any number of sound files being distributed throughout the internet that are meant to cause these specific effects, and you can google them your damn selves because this untested ‘miracle drug’ of questionable validity that you have to download onto your computer is like an internet scammer’s wet dream; most of them are probably spam or viruses that pop-up gaping anuses on your screen. The Pros They’re free, widely available and, if you believe the hype, they basically fix everything in your life by punking your mindgrapes. What’s not to love? The Cons All of the ‘miracle effects’ are probably bullshit. Sorry, hippies, your reputability went out the window somewhere around the time you stopped bathing and started advocating white-guy dreads.