5 Of New Columnist Ian Fortey's Finest Cracked Articles

Ian Fortey is the newest addition to our roster of columnists. Below, we offer a selection of some of our favorite articles he's written for Cracked to give you a sense of what he's all about.

Yet another unintended side effect of the web has been the birth of the Internet lynch mob. Now, everything from child abuse to bad customer service can get the online masses whipped into a frenzy of Old Testament-style vengeance.

The most frequently asked question among Cracked readers has to be, "Is it possible I'm having too much sex?" Fortunately, some have made history by letting us know just how much sex is possible, seemingly dedicated to testing the very upper limits of human humping.

We suspect that every military has a secret room full of stoned dudes who stare at the ceiling and just dream up shit to build. The difference is they have billions of dollars to make their dreams reality.

In support of our "secret room full of stoned dudes" theory, we offer the following actual military projects that stretch the limits of the non-stoned imagination:

The three most terrifying things in the world are werewolves, clowns and unplanned pregnancy. Humanity has known this since time began and as such has endeavored to make sure the last one of these would happen as infrequently as possible.

Ian's first article for Cracked let us know he meant business straight away when he described the medication side effect "gas with oily spotting," as "a polite way of describing a fart that spackles your chair with a greasy stain of ass buckshot."