#2. A Dangerous Method
Maybe you think this movie looks good. It's about Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud hanging out being geniuses, right around the time that Jung gets into some pretty dark and controversial territory by carrying on a sexual relationship with one of his patients. Maybe it's that perfect combination of sex and psychiatry that most movies lack that's got you excited for this movie. The trailer even looks pretty good, but I still can't endorse it, because this movie was directed by David Cronenberg, who directed A History of Violence, a movie I foolishly saw in theaters with my mother. If any of my readers don't know why that would be uncomfortable, you obviously haven't seen the movie or fell asleep during one of the many uncomfortably brutal sex scenes. (Or you have a really, really close relationship with your mother.)
I will never forgive you, Cronenberg.
Literally anything. "Method" is the least-threatening word that could possibly follow "Dangerous." I was so on board with this movie from the first two words, and then they blew it with "method." I offer some alternatives.
Or even ...
Wouldn't that be a good movie? An experimental form of therapy that's filled with scorpions! Spooooky. And I bet no one would have to watch Viggo Mortenson and Maria Bello sixty-nining each other with their mother in that movie.
#1. The Darkest Hour
In The Darkest Hour, aliens who feed on electricity (or something) invade earth, and it's up to five young friends to save the world. It looks like just about every other crappy alien invasion movie that's come out in the last few years except it features Emile Hirsch, who usually makes good movies, and Olivia Thirlby, who I would like to go on several dates with.
Still, there's room for improvement.
I mean ... obviously, right?
Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's Senior Writer (ladies), and he would also like to pitch a crossover sequel involving A Dangerous Method and Young Adult called Jung Adult (people who make movies).
Check out more from Dan in 5 Tips for Making an Impression At Your First Sex Party and 7 Workouts For Firming You Up And Creeping Everyone Else Out.