5 Most Terrifyingly Homoerotic Japanese Music Videos

Eagle Dance

If there's one thing Japan loves, it's organized dancing. If there are two things Japan loves, it's organized dancing and human/animal hybrids. If there are three things Japan loves, it's organized dancing, human/animal hybrids, and man-bulges. If there are four thin -look, let's just stop this before it gets any worse. As sexually terrifying as this video about carefully choreographed naked man/eagles may be, at least I stopped that last sentence before it could add 'transformers,' 'creepy children,' and 'laser beams' to the mix and oh, god dammit:

I Rave U

This last video is by DJ Ozma. You might remember him from Spiderman up above, unless you've blocked out the rest of this article already, in which case QUICK CLICK AWAY IT IS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU. RUN AND LIVE, BOY, RUN AND LIVE.

For the rest of you, damned as you are, come and rejoice in this exact step by step re-enactment of what it is to go mad. It happens at about the two minute mark. I've timed it. That's the point when the thin and wavering thread that grounds you to the rest of the humanity is severed, and pure burning insanity arcs through your body unimpeded. It's the moment just after the clone army of child molesters stops their exponential reproduction, but before the naked dancing men wearing Leatherface masks turn to reveal they have demons instead of cocks.

It's impossible to exaggerate anything about Japan.

The sea-change from sanity to madness happens right as the frantic chanting reaches its fever pitch, and that disembodied head starts jumping back and forth. If you reach the part where all the women have mushrooms instead of genitals, you've gone too far. It's like right abou- you know what? Nevermind. It's just one of those things; you'll know it when it happens.

You can buy Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, or follow him on Twitter and Facebook or you can PILLOW JUMP DESTINY FOR YOU SWORD! FOR YOU SWORD! FOR YOU SWORD OF LOVE!

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Robert Brockway

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