People love gadgets, because gadgetry is cool. The first time I surpassed a line at a busy movie theater by using my phone to get tickets, I felt like a king and wanted to spit in the face of every lowly peasant in my way. That's how awesome technology is when you first use it. Then you get distracted by a bright light and run off elsewhere, but that one, special moment with technology made a wrinkle in your brain, and it'll be there until you drink it away.
While most gadgets require you to go to a store and buy them, every so often the place where we live goes out of its way to be awesome and puts fun technology out on the streets for everyone to enjoy! This is about that.
5 German Crossing Pong
Can you think of anything worse than waiting to cross a street in Germany? Before you answer, allow me to answer for you with a simple no. Were you going to suggest being forced at gunpoint to lick a rat's butthole? Ha ha ha! Wrong. Dead German crosswalk wrong. Don't ever look me in the eye again.
In Germany, crossing the street kills more people per year than crack, maybe. Because of this, back in 2012 some German students hatched an idea to rig up a game of Pong on alternate traffic poles so that pedestrians could keep themselves busy. It was just a concept back then, but now, in the futuristic utopia of 2015 Germany, it's a reality! You can play Pong with another pedestrian on a street corner somewhere in Hildesheim, Germany.
As part of the Potsdam Agreement, German citizens are forbidden from playing anything more strategic.
The game is pretty simplistic, obviously. It's Pong. But it's played out on a touch screen, sort of like playing with a phone someone strapped to a crosswalk. Never will you endure 30 seconds of bored lack of motion again. Not at that one corner.
Ladies, this one doesn't apply to you so why don't you just make yourself comfy, maybe take a few boudoir photos for me. As for the dudes: This is the be all and end all of pee convenience. Well, no, just pissing on a tree still wins that. Or the side of a Sbarro. But this is civilization's answer to that -- the super futuristic Urilift, a toilet that hides underground out on the street when you don't need it but raises up like a urine-soaked elevator when you do.
If only you didn't have to summon it in R'lyehian.
Ladies, did you take the pics? Because I totally tricked you! God, I'm sly. The Urilift company didn't leave you out in the cold; they also have the Urilady, which is their name for a toilet. It's just a toilet. But it raises from the ground in a steel cylinder as well and could probably never lower back into the ground with you helplessly inside it. I mean, that would be absurd.
"Urilifts? But where are those collapsible suicide booths I ordered?"
The basic idea behind these creations is that you need toilets in public but no one wants to see the dirty things all day. So in the sunlight hours you hide them in the streets and pretend no one in the world eliminates waste and between our butt cheeks is just a geranium. Then, after work, good people go home to their families and drunken disgraces wander the streets of Europe (and one Canadian city), and as the sun sets these urinals can pop up like starving piss vampires and prevent those pathetic shells from pissing on themselves, or others, or that Sbarro.