The 5 Weirdest Bollywood Remakes of Famous Hollywood Films

#2. Three Men and a Baby Turns into The Matrix With Children

Eros International, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

What They Stole From Hollywood:

Both Heyy Babyy (2007) and Three Men and a Baby (1987) star three bachelors who find a baby on their doorstep with a note claiming it originated within the loins of one of them. They grow attached to the little bastard, and when the mother comes to reclaim her, they're all super bummed. Eventually they get her back and these three chauvinists become her legal guardians, which surely bodes well for the poor girl's future self-esteem.

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Personally, I think the rumors of a ghost in this movie are hogwash.

However, technically this isn't a remake of Three Men and a Baby: It's a remake of a Malaysian film that's a remake of Three Men and a Baby, itself a remake of a French movie. So we're three times removed from the original idea here (and it shows).

What They Made Up:

Even though they're supposed to be bachelors, I don't recall Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, or Steve Guttenberg going to any discos and erotically slapping women on the butt in the U.S. version. But don't worry: That definitely happens in this one.

Eros International
This version doesn't have the cocaine subplot because they immediately snorted it all.

Incidentally, is it me or does the disco in the sensual dance number here look a lot like the discos in the sensual dance numbers of Indian Fight Club and Indian Man on Fire? (Yes, India can slip a sensual dance number into literally any plot ever.)

The Craziest Part:

This whole movie is about three men who don't care for kids warming up to a baby and becoming better people. So, what better way of establishing that they hate kids at the beginning of the story than having them fight some? One of the bachelors dresses up as a happy cartoon character for a living, but when he falls asleep on the job and a little kid bugs him about it, he just grabs the brat and throws him across the room.

Things go downhill from there.

Eros International
Ah, that coke's kicking in.

The children land on their feet and immediately assume fighting positions (instead of breaking their necks and dying), because clearly this guy stumbled upon the results of some Indian super-soldiers program. That's when shit gets Wachowskian -- I won't ruin this with a caption:

Eros International

The kids start beating the crap out of him and bashing his head into the floor, until he manages to pry himself from their unnaturally strong little fingers and escape. On second thought, I have no idea why he didn't just flush that baby down the toilet in a panic as soon he saw it.

#1. Mrs. Doubtfire Has Rad Bike Stunts, Kinky Stuff

Raaj Gaand Films International, 20th Century Fox

What They Stole From Hollywood:

Obviously, there are hundreds and hundreds of comedies about men dressing up as old ladies in the world, but the similarities between Chachi 420 (1997) and Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) are too much to be a coincidence: They're both about divorced fathers who resort to pretending to be elderly nannies to be with their children again. There's no way the Indian filmmakers didn't see the U.S. version ...

What They Made Up:

... and they probably got major stiffies, judging by the stuff they added to their remake. I don't recall Sally Field doing any hot bath scenes with lesbian implications in the original, for example. Also, instead of the sad and adorable bus driver with a crush on Mrs. Doubtfire, there's a lecherous cook who just wants to grab Chachi's melons.

Raaj Gaand Films International
"420" refers to what they were sm- you thought of this joke as soon as you saw the title? Oh.

While this deviates considerably from the original movie, it's actually an almost shot-for-shot remake of another Indian Mrs. Doubtfire remake released only the previous year, with the same actor and all, but in another language. What do the Indian people find so fascinating about this story? Is it the universality of a father's love for his children? Or the lesbian bath scenes? Probably the lesbian bath scenes.

The Craziest Part:

Continuing with the sex-obsessed theme, by the end of the movie the protagonist's wife has been fooled into thinking that the venerable old Chachi is actually a huge slut who was sleeping around with the house's staff. Distraught, she goes to her ex-husband's place for comfort ... only to find Chachi's clothes strewn on his bed. Naturally, she assumes they must be fuck buddies, and the mental image makes her head over to nearest bridge to commit suicide.

At this point "Mrs. Doubtfire" jumps onto her motorcycle and rushes to save "her" beloved, even if it means breaking every law of traffic.

Raaj Gaand Films International
And some laws of physics.

Unfortunately, Chachi arrives too late ... so he/she drives the bike off the same bridge the woman just jumped from to rescue her. Finally, this leads to the revelation of Chachi's true identity, which is handled in a manner consistent with the rest of the movie: grossly.

Raaj Gaand Films International
Whelp, that's it for my ability to enjoy a strip tease ever again.

Maxwell Yezpitelok has a free comic you can read and a Twitter you can follow.

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