5 Incredibly Uncomfortable Yet SFW Sex Videos

WARNING: The last two entries contain graphic pictures and video of featureless synthetic or robotic genitalia. That ... may be NSFW? Depending on where you work? I guess? It's not safe for ... something. I can tell you that. Anyway...

#2. Come On, it's a Robot

That's right, it's just a robot. Even when I tell you that it's a robotic vagina, that doesn't push it much further toward the line of being not safe for work -- you can barely recognize it as one.

It also gives birth. Nothing wrong with that at all. Childbirth is a beautiful thing, and being able to experience the joy and wonder of this natural miracle-

What's the Problem?

Oh. My. God.

There is nothing natural or miraculous about that. In fact, this machine is an abomination in the eyes of God, and it actively spits in the face of the very idea of a soul. Hell is watching that thing give birth to an endless loop of lifeless babies until time ceases to exist.

Censored with Soren Bowie's head.

And no, I don't care about the "beauty" of childbirth. That's something that select women say, and men just agree with so they don't sound like dicks. Real childbirth is full of pain, screaming, blood and genital contortion that seems humanly impossible. This robotic demon-crotch mocks that with its cold, soulless deliveries until it actually becomes worse than the real thing.

That woman's head has also now been censored.

It's bad enough when they show the first couple of deliveries and you see that thing stretching and bursting under the pressure. But then they flip it over and show you the "multiple positions" feature, and you think, Holy shit, can this get any more fucked up? That's when you see the robot's vagina turned inside out.

OK, I don't have to really censor anything here. I just want people to forever associate Soren Bowie with robotic childbirth.

No, wait, where are you going? You've made it this far. You might as well go all the way, now. And think of it this way, what could possibly be worse than robotic childbirth?

#1. It's Just Rubber

This is an instructional video explaining how to give a prostate massage. If that sounds clinical, know that the host is shirtless throughout and calls himself "The Buttmaster" and "The Pleasure Coach." This is not teaching people how to examine themselves.

Still, it's delivered in a very "doctor's" tone of voice, and the terminology is frank but professional. There is no human nudity or penetration to speak of, and that sounds like a pretty safe, adult way to learn about the act.

Oh, and the massage is performed on a rubber replica of a human ass.

Wait, do I ... do I censor that? Again, it's just a rubber model.

Click here to watch the video.

What's the Problem?

The video I'm referring to is not set up to embed, and even if it was, I would have quite a bit of trouble convincing myself that it was perfectly fine to show a video of how to jack off a dude from inside of his own asshole. The whole time, his soothing doctor-like voice using scientific terminology like "perineum," and then not break a stride when using fifth grader terms like "stroke the butt cheeks, the crack and the anus."

"Calmly, gently knuckle-shuffle his brown-eye."

Even though the dude in question is nothing more than a rubber model's disembodied ass, it's so realistic that the cheeks jiggle when they're touched, like actual skin. Its upturned balls and half-cock rest realistically against its own rubber stomach.

Again, I stress ... it's purely an instructional video.

It's clearly not an ass, but as you watch the Buttmaster's expert hands and fingers dancing in and out of its rubber anus, it becomes impossible to not imagine a real ass there.

Your ass.

You're welcome.

I want to give a special thank you to Garbage Haus and Sarswimmer for finding the "Orange Fingering" and "Robotic Vagina" videos respectively. If either of those videos got you fired, those are the people to blame.

Check out more from Cheese in 12 Things You'll Wish You'd Never Seen Under a Microscope. Or check out some more SFW vids that will make you squirm in 5 Ridiculous (Safe For Work) Fetishes.

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John Cheese

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