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5 Horrifying Truths About Being a Medical Doctor

#2. Your Doctor is Probably Obese

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There's nothing wrong with being obese. But it will kill you. And doctors know that.

Obesity causes everything from diabetes to heart attacks to strokes and is linked to early onset of Alzheimer's. And yet, doctors have a death wish -- 53 percent of doctors, despite knowing all of this, are obese (according to the Obesity Research Journal).

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"Well, what good is having a double bypass discount if I don't take advantage of it?"

And you put yourself in their care.

Why should it matter if doctors are obese? In a sample of patients who are overweight, only 7 percent of the overweight doctors would diagnose their patients as overweight. As opposed to more than 90 percent of the doctors who were not overweight.

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"*Pffbbt* we're both doing fine. Just some holiday weight."

Frankly, even someone with a medical degree could give the simple medical advice of "Stop smoking and eat less" and have a healthier patient in almost every case. But the reality is, overweight doctors don't give that advice.

#1. Going on Vacation is a Death Sentence (For Other People)

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In medical circles (trust me, I'm a fake doctor) it's known as the "July Effect." In the U.K. they refer to it as "The August Killing Season." Results show that patients get worse care in these months, particularly at teaching hospitals.

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"I don't care what the chart says. My three semesters, and House DVDs, tell me it's never Lupus."

Why? For the dumbest and most obvious reason: Doctors go on vacation in July. That means interns become residents and residents pretend to be the real doctors. So you're a doctor, a big, fat, sad, suicidal doctor, and all you want to do is take some time off, but, hey, you can't. Because when you take time off more people die.

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"Your all-inclusive resort package includes: food, drinks, and crippling guilt!"

Deaths from surgery and malpractice skyrocket in July, so as long as you can avoid getting sick or injured in the summertime, you should be fine. Or better yet, make sure you ONLY get sick in areas where doctors might be vacationing. Hawaii is a great place to get the plague in July.

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