Reconstructive plastic surgeons are vital members of the medical community, serving the needs of people born with birth defects and those who've been disfigured in car crashes or industrial sausage extruder manglings. The "cosmetic" plastic surgeons serve a purpose too, mostly for aging rich people who want to look younger or teenagers who think the key to true happiness is a more prodigious rack. Though the latter variety may not always be considered a shining embodiment of all things Hippocratic, I assume most practitioners of this highly lucrative profession are at least doing their best not to violate the "do not harm" oath.
But there are apparently some plastic surgeons who are willing, for the right price, to throw all that out the window by agreeing to help their patients achieve the most misguided goal imaginable (outside a straight-up cross-species transitioning procedure): to look like somebody famous. And not just anyone famous, but the most abhorrent examples of celebrity out there. Such as ...
Toby Sheldon, a self-described "master songwriter" from Los Angeles, knew since he was a teenager that the aging process just wasn't for him (since growing old means being "saggy and ugly"). And when a case of early-onset male pattern baldness threatened to scuttle his hopes of forever remaining a supple, fresh-faced beauty, he knew it was time to take drastic measures if he wanted to keep the dream alive. So in 2004 he went ahead and got some hair transplants. The procedure failed, so he underwent the process again in 2006. Then again in 2007. And again in 2008, 2010, and 2011.
Hair wasn't the only matter of concern for Sheldon, as he believed the ravages of age were already beginning to visibly take hold on his cherubic, yet-to-see-his-30th-birthday face.
NY Daily News
Whoa! Good thing he didn't let this get out of control!
So next came a string of procedures that included liposuction, face fillers, and lip lifts. But if he truly wanted to realize his personal self-image of youthful, Peter-Pan-like perfectness, he would need some inspiration. A muse, if you will, to guide him as he sought to craft his appearance into the perfect representation of boyish immortality. And he found it in a Canadian idiot who lip syncs to children for a living.
All told, Sheldon has spent over $100,000 on surgeries to resemble Justin "the egg-throwing dipshit" Bieber.
He even had plans to shave down his skull and jawbone in order to "complete" the Belieberization before doctors wisely told him that he might wind up "looking like a Neanderthal," and also to get lost.
His (I have to think ex) girlfriend's predictable response to these dubious life decisions was "What the hell did you do?!" and, just like everyone who read the first paragraph, she likely assumed that Sheldon might in fact be just a little bit nuts. He does admit to having a "phobia" about aging, and an addiction to plastic surgery seems pretty apparent. But hey, maybe his obsession with looking like the most annoying thing to come out of Ontario since lacrosse is just one of those idiosyncrasies that go along with being a "master songwriter," right?
After all, who are we to judge where an artist might find his inspiration? It's not like we've had Prince committed yet, and he's out there somewhere eating spaghetti with orange juice.
I have to assume there are a lot of women in the world named Jennifer Lopez, and though some of these poor ladies are surely tired of being constantly heckled and ostracized for a mistaken association with Ben Affleck, there are likely also those who wear the name with pride. One such Jennifer Lopez lives in England, along with her sister, Karen. And both Jennifer and Karen decided to play up the fact that one of them shared a name with the star of Nurses On The Line: The Crash Of Flight 7 by having J-Lo-inspired ass surgery.
Which is better: The British version or the American version?
At the tender age of 15, Jennifer and Karen were somehow allowed to get butt implants, along with boob jobs, liposuction, and rhinoplasty, with the primary goal of achieving a closer resemblance to the star of Anaconda. Since injecting flesh-expanding polymers into children is illegal in the UK for some crazy reason, they had to travel all the way to Cali, Columbia in order to unwrap this rather unorthodox gift from their mother. The original plan was to just get them both breast implants, but when a "package deal" was offered, they knew they'd be fools to pass up on a bargain like that.
Sadly, after a few years, both ladies began to regret their decision to change their bodies to look more like that of a supporting voice actress in Antz, after the alterations they had done to attract attention wound up ... attracting attention:
Who could've seen that coming?
Karen: "My bum is so big now it's kind of a curse because guys in clubs always want to have a feel of it. Even girls want a photo next to it. My body attracts everyone -- I get too much attention and it annoys me."
Jennifer: "Sometimes it's too much. Men beep their horns and whistle at me, even come up and touch my bum. I also get a lot of attention from women. They ask me if my bum is real and if they can touch it. It can be uncomfortable."
"Plus we're forced to do these magazine photo shoots all the time!"
So now these poor women believe that looking like Jennifer Lopez is a "curse." So if there's a moral to this story, maybe it's that if you're persuasive enough to whine your mother into spending tens of thousands on third-world surgery to look like the world's most successful Fly Girl, perhaps you'd be better off putting those abilities to more productive use. Like, say, teaching Ms. Lopez that taking money to sing Marilyn-Monroe-esque birthday serenades to bloodthirsty dictators isn't the smartest career move.