5 Facts About Being Poor (From a Rich Person)

#2. Poor People Are Idiots

Successful authors such as aforementioned scam artist Tom Corley (author of "Tom Corley's Fawning Paean to the Rich") have demonstrated through painstakingly shoddy research that poor people are poor because they are dumb and lazy.

Fellow con artist star Robert Kiyosaki writes in his book Rich Dad, Poor Dad about how poor people worry about small-minded things like paying the rent and putting food on the table, while rich people think about money-generating ideas like buying a shopping center or gaming an IPO. If poor people would just live below underpasses and eat air, they too could free themselves from petty day-to-day worries and focus on secret stock market deals.

And with a little ingenuity, you can make an office out of anything!

Kiyosaki is a very wise flimflam man known for mind-blowing observations like the fact that poor people say "I can't afford it" more than rich people do, a fact that simply cannot be explained in any other way than that poor people are irrationally pessimistic. Other than the obvious wisdom of his sayings, he has also demonstrated the effectiveness of his philosophy in his own life by filing for bankruptcy, which is virtually synonymous with success.

Another successful snake-oil vendor, Steve Siebold, also lays out some real talk about how even middle class people are morons compared to the rich. For example, it is funny how they are scared when starting a business with their life savings, whereas rich people don't have such silly fears when they start a business using their birthday present money. People always kick up a fuss when I say there's no real difference. So what if you put up your home as collateral? I put up one of my (smaller) summer homes as collateral too. We could both lose a house! But I'm not scared about it. Clearly you are the fraidy cat sissy baby here.

Poverty Fact #16: Crucifixes and garlic can be used to repel poor people.

That's why I wouldn't think of hanging out with you. Siebold says the negativity of the non-rich ("Boo hoo, I lost my house!" "Wah, I can't afford cancer treatment!") drives rich people away from associating with them, and that's why the rich get called snobs. But that doesn't bother me, because as he says, "Labeling the world class as snobs is another way the middle class finds to feel better about themselves and their chosen path of mediocrity."

I don't think Steve Siebold looks like this, but when I imagine someone typing "chosen path of mediocrity" and
being pleased with himself, this is the mental picture that comes up.

Basically, the takeaway from these sagacious swindlers is that there's a number of things we can all agree are dumb: worrying about paying your bills, figuring out how to get enough food to eat, being afraid of losing your house, helping or associating with poor people, and looking for work. Poor people do all of these stupid, stupid things. Smart things to do are: real estate development, investing in stocks, avoiding anyone who isn't rich, spending hours a day listening to audio books while networking at the gym, and writing books about how dumb poor people are. Poor people do none of these things, and nobody can explain why. Conclusion: They are idiots. Case closed.

#1. Poor People Get Really Mad About Things Rich People Say

Charles Thevenin [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I have no idea why this happens.

Christina has hired an illegal immigrant to manage Twitter and Facebook accounts for her.

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