#2. Geeky Art With Lego
What kind of poor bastard grows up without Lego? Even the people I knew who were so poor they just ate ice for dinner still had Legos. Given, back then, you didn't have to mortgage your fucking house to buy them, but still.
The thing is, when you were a kid, playing with Lego blocks was totally accepted because ... well, they're toys. But tell the girl you're trying to date that you still build things out of them, and she's likely to laugh at you until you lose the ability to grow hair on your balls. Unless you're Nathan Sawaya:
Via Huffington Post
That's right, it's life-sized. And he's also coming out of -- a chimney? Is he Bat Santa?
That's pretty ballsy, as far as nerds go. He not only made a life-sized Batman, but made him entirely out of children's building blocks. And he did it in a place that will draw a crowd. That's as good as looking everyone in the eyes and saying, "Yeah, I did that. What the fuck are you going to do about it, bitch?"
And he makes no apologies for his dorky hobby. "What? Batman isn't nerdy enough for you? Well, try this on for size, asshole."
"Does that make you want to punch me? You should try that. Here, I'll close my eyes."
Man, I'm positive he's just daring bullies all the time. Look at his eyes in that picture. He knows for a fact that half the people who see that will slip into a primal rage upon entering the same room, and he's just begging God for the chance. It's like he graduated high school and immediately learned seven forms of martial arts, just for this moment. The preparation is done -- he's just waiting for them to take the bait.
"What, that isn't doing it for you? Because I can feel the urge to start making some Pokemon shit out of Play-Doh if you need some help. Or maybe you have kids, so you're fine with the whole Star Wars/Batman/cartoon thing. Hey, don't worry, I have just the thing for you ..."
#1. Geeks Make Hollywood-Quality Light Saber Duels
I've never met a kid who didn't pretend at least once that he was chopping someone's face off with a light saber. Banging sticks in the backyard with his little sister until one of them got their fingers whacked -- the game always ended in tears. Get enough adult nerds and booze together in one room and the evening will end the exact same way. The only difference being that as a grownup geek, you're silently praying that one of them doesn't remember that you have an actual collection of real swords in your bedroom. Right above your snake cage.
Fortunately, most light saber geeks are also computer geeks. So instead of practicing our dipshit flailing in our backyard for all the neighbors to see, we can find a remote spot, bring a camera and look like we're doing something productive with our fanboy lust:
Like going to a deserted parking garage in street clothes and having a light saber battle to the death. That's the great thing about video and patience. Even that big ol' floppy overweight dude can come off as a fully believable modern day Jedi with enough practice and editing.
"Cut. Let's take lunch, and then we'll shoot the next six seconds."
But nothing has done more to bring nerd pride into the mainstream (at least the Internet mainstream) than Ryan vs. Dorkman 2. The video whose original was so fucking cool that nerds demanded a second part:
I don't care how much you dislike the prequels or even the Star Wars franchise as a whole. I don't care how much you detest people talking about it. I don't care how much the sound of a blaster makes you want to puke. You cannot deny that RvD2 is fucking incredible. Not only does that video make being a light saber nerd seem less embarrassing, but most people agree (myself included) that it was better than any fight in the actual goddamn films.
I'm still not doing that My Little Pony bullshit, though. Fuck you, I have standards.
For more Cheese, check out 12 Things You'll Wish You'd Never Seen Under a Microscope and Worst Job Ever: Video Game Sewer Repair.