Cracked Columnists

5 Complaints About Modern Teens (That Are Statistically BS)

#2. "I Swear, Kids Get Dumber Every Year"

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The Complaint:

I fear for our nation, knowing that the idiots growing up in today's education system will be running our country someday. Have you talked to these morons? It's like trying to have a conversation with the fish in my aquarium. And don't even get me started on their online conduct. Half of them can't type a full sentence in their own language. It's like they're trying to communicate with half a bag of Scrabble letters.

Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images
"Crap, I ran out of Rs. I hate this old-ass phone."

But Actually ...

On the whole, today's teens are exponentially smarter than the generations before them. It's most apparent when you look at education completion rates. From 1970 to 2013, the number of kids dropping out of school has been cut nearly in half. They're getting the message that, without their diploma, the world is going to give them the finger and a mop, and they are collectively saying, "Fuck that. I want a fat check and a job that doesn't come with weird smells."

They've also realized that they're at a severe disadvantage in the workforce without a college degree, so we're seeing a significant increase in students completing their higher education. According to that link, one-third of 25- to 29-year-olds have a bachelor's degree or higher. For some perspective, that number was barely over 10 percent through the mid-1960s. So we're going to have to respectfully tell you to suck it.

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Or maybe not so respectfully. You've been openly calling them dumb.

Don't get me wrong. I know as many rock-fuck stupid teenagers as I do adults. The world will never exhaust its perpetual supply of dumbasses. But saying that we're getting dumber by the generation is itself an uneducated statement. That irony has all the subtlety of a Bugs Bunny anvil.

#1. "They're Just Flat-Out Irresponsible"

Digital Vision/Photodisc/Getty Images

The Complaint:

I just don't get kids today. All they do is play video games, get tattoos, and pierce their floppy parts. I saw a group of girls the other day, each with a different color neon hairdo. How do they expect to be taken seriously like that? Who's going to hire them? Take their phones away, and they'd have no clue how to function. They're all in their own little world, completely oblivious to even the most basic form of responsibility. We're all screwed when they take over the country.

But Actually ...

Give me a fucking break. Everything you've read in this article is the very definition of responsibility. Overall, the teens I interact with are as (if not more) responsible than their adult counterparts. Most of the ones I interact with online speak multiple languages and have traveled outside of their own country. They have jobs and bills. They're taking an active role in preparing for their transition into adulthood. I find that impressive as hell.

Jupiterimages/Creatas/Getty Images
"And the reason job benefits are important is bec- wait, are you taking notes?"

They worry about the future and stand up against injustices the way many adults should but often don't. I hope they carry that with them into their own careers, because it gives me hope that we might have more lawmakers who offer protection instead of oppression. That we'll have more people occupying big offices and less people occupying prison cells. But mostly, I want them to fix the video game industry because I'm running out of awesome shit to play ... because I'm an irresponsible child.


John is an editor and columnist right here at Cracked, with a new article every Thursday. You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook.

For more things we might underestimate about kids, check out 13 Current Events as Understood by a 5-Year-Old.

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