#2. Justin Bieber
Why All the Hate?
Is there a bigger villain in music than Justin Bieber? You could argue the case that people maybe hate the aforementioned Nickelback a bit more, but I can't imagine that's true. They're actually pretty similar, if you think about it. Both are from Canada, both make music exclusively for people who listen to the radio and watch MTV and both make music that seemingly everyone purchases but no one admits to enjoying.
The reason Justin Bieber wins the hate race, though, is youth. Thinking about Justin Bieber and the state of his career is a great way to lose yourself in nostalgic daydreams about all of the opportunities you weren't presented with during your formative years. If you'd had YouTube and a mom who didn't mind you beating on a drum kit in the house, maybe at the age of 18 you would have been a famous singer with a smoking hot famous girlfriend.
Who looks exactly like you
Nobody wants to feel that way, but that's exactly how Justin Bieber makes us feel. Also, his music is fucking awful. What's not to hate?
Why He Doesn't Deserve It
Alright, first of all, I don't think I need to remind anyone that, for the majority of the time we've been hurling threats and insults in his direction, Justin Bieber has legally been classified as a minor. He's still not even 19 years old yet. So, what, do you hate him because he seems like a cocky, conceited jerk? Fine, grab a random sampling of 19-year-olds and pepper them with a few questions and see if you still hate Bieber or if you just hate teens. It's probably the latter. This one just happens to be insanely popular.
As for the music, well, I'm not sure where you think pop music is coming from these days, but if you hate one, you have to hate them all. He's getting his soulless, emotionless, head-scratchingly popular tunes from the same Max Martins and Rodney Jerkinses of the world like all those other singers you hate. Why in the hell are we piling on his songs with such anger and fury?
Right, because Justin Bieber is what the kids are into. Beyond that, he's not a whole lot better or worse than any of his peers.
Oh, and if anyone is itching to point out how much of a hypocrite I am for defending Justin Bieber after having written articles like this one in the past, you'll probably want to save that gripe for the last name on this list.
#1. Billie Joe Armstrong
Why All the Hate?
Right. Billie Joe Armstrong. You might recognize him as the lead singer of Green Day and someone I write about way too much. As a band, Green Day gets a lot of hell for being a "punk" band that isn't really "punk." Or at least that used to be the case. I don't think anyone actually feels that way anymore, but I still make the joke all the time because it riles people up in the comment section, and engagement is a wonderful thing when you're working on the Internet. Sorry, sheeple.
So if you take that out of the equation, which all but the staunchest of "punk" purists should have long ago, all you're left with are the recent acts and actions of Billie Joe Armstrong that I've taken such great lengths to mock and make fun of here on Cracked. So, you already know all about that stuff. If not, I invite you to read this and this before you proceed. And then come back and I'll tell you everything else I think about Billie Joe Armstrong.
Why He Doesn't Deserve It
So that was fun, right? An article about Billie Joe Armstrong having a whiny temper tantrum, and another about him maybe having an affair with some chick in a different band. I should probably show you that video again to remind you what band I'm talking about.
I said it before, and I'll say it again ... robot dong. Anyway, there have almost certainly been other Green Day/Billie Joe jokes in the past, but those two articles are what we'll discuss right now. More specifically, we'll discuss what they mean in relation to my personal opinion of Billie Joe Armstrong. And I'll start that discussion by posing a simple question. Who cares what I think?
For the record, I don't hate Billie Joe Armstrong and I don't hate Green Day any more than any person who writes a less than favorable review of a song or album or movie hates the subject of what they're writing about. Quite the contrary, if you go back and read that article about Green Day having a Yoko Ono in their midst, it's pretty obvious I'd been listening to that album a lot. They have three albums out right now, actually, and when taken into consideration as one complete package, it's probably my favorite Green Day album in years. Granted, they're not the most active band, so it's not like saying "in years" knocks a whole bunch of stuff off the list. But still, they are good albums, and in my honest opinion, I think Green Day is an excellent band. Billie Joe Armstrong writes some tremendous songs, and his band has been around as long as they have because of that and nothing else.
If it seems like I've been unfairly singling him out as the worst thing in music of late, it's only because I have a job to do.