Researchers are now finding so many negative links between gaming and your physical and mental health - from self-esteem to dementia, anger issues to bladder control – that they’re stopping just shy of outright blaming Halo for erectile dysfunction and Tomb Raider for the sudden surge in autism. Here are some of the many bizarre (but possibly bullshit) ways that modern science thinks video games are screwing you over.
A study by a psychology professor at Kansas State University has found a strong link between body image and video games. According to his research, Professor Richard Harris says that only 15 minutes of playing video games featuring “extreme body types” can negatively impact your own body image. The men in the study were made to play WWE Wrestlemania for their allotted time, while the women were made to play DOA: Beach Volleyball. Though general decline in positive body image was noted across both sexes, the men more specifically reported much lower satisfaction with their lack of body oil and rage-induced veinage, while the women openly lamented about the lack of bounce customization in their quintuple-J breasts.
“Any woman not built like this is a failure.” -Video games
But it’s not like all video games will make you weep openly, wishing on every eyelash that you could wake up in the morning magically transformed into a pretty, pretty princess – just the games that feature large, handsome, well-muscled men and busty, scantily-clad sex goddesses.
That’s tops like, what? 98 percent of them?
Most retro gaming is still probably okay, though - just don’t go picking up Pac-Man if you’re a short, fat, jaundiced quadriplegic. But then, if that’s the case, you’re probably not exactly bursting at the seams with sexual confidence in the first place.
A study by scientists at Stockholm University hooked up some teenage boys to heart monitors, and then split them into two groups – giving one group a violent video game, the other a non-violent one. The results they found revealed a much higher heart rate variability in the violent group, which continued well after they stopped playing and even into their sleep that night. In general, higher HRV can cause a myriad of symptoms, from increased stress to seizures and loss of bladder control.
The other notable side effects of higher HRV - increased stress, anger and irrationality – are also seen commonly in another demographic: menstruating women. That’s right, a good portion of women’s PMS symptoms are caused by the same increased HRV present in violent game players. So basically, Halo gives men PMS – which actually completely explains Xbox Live (for those of you who aren’t gamers, Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers).
This is obviously disturbing news for healthy, well-adjusted adult males with a penchant for virtual murder, but on the upside, this is great news if you piss yourself every time you play Resident Evil – now you have a valid medical excuse! You’re not a total pussy! There’s simply too much awesome violence in your daily gaming diet.
Image courtesy of Eran Cantrell
Stanford University recently published research that hopes to better explain game addiction. They’ve posited that competitive video games stimulate men’s territoriality and dominance impulses, which they also say explains why women can “understand video games,” but their “neurology doesn’t house the same desire to conquer.”
So, there you go: Girls don’t like video games as much because there’s something wrong with their brains.
“This is the face of brain damage.” -Science
Hey, ladies, I didn’t say it. That’s science. There’s no use getting pissed off about it; you may as well give the cold shoulder to thermodynamics and refuse to sleep with string theory.
(Pro Tip: If you mention this fact to any women, try to explain it in exactly those words. If she tries to argue, just calmly state that it’s science you learned off the Internet, second-hand from a comedy site – that shit’s irrefutable!)
They discovered that the mesocorticolimbic center (an area of the brain tied to reward and addiction) was stimulated much more in men by putting a series of players into an MRI machine while having them play a game in which the goal was to “win territory” by “manipulating balls.” Which begs the question, is the new Teabag Wars out already? I thought the release date was pushed back after that kid in Indiana died while emulating the Rising Dragon Forehead Slapper.
In the UK, a nationwide program is under consideration to begin scanning children that spend excessive time playing video games for speech and communication problems. They propose training health professionals to visit schools and administer the tests, much like they do for other health concerns such as scoliosis and ADD. That’s right: Video Game Retard Scanner could very soon be an actual profession in Britain.
“Can you tell me why you like pWning n00bs, in your big boy words?”
Apparently the concerns arose when new British Health and Development surveys revealed that a worryingly high number of young children cannot repeat basic speech prompts, have not learned sufficient communication skills and, in some cases, can’t even recognize their own name.
To be fair to video games, the blame fell on television as well as a general lack of social interaction between parents and children. Presumably they threw video games in there as a primary cause just because British scientists hate fun.
And on a related note: Suck it, Britons! Maybe we’re dumber overall here in the states, but at least Joe America can spell his own fucking name – even it is with a three, two dollar signs and a McDonald’s logo.
Psychiatrists at UCLA are pushing a new theory that technology and video games are fundamentally rewiring how the brain processes information. The idea is that time spent interacting with technology takes valuable brain power away from social skills – even some as basic as recognizing facial expressions. So, maybe you know all about casting a third tier fire shield, but you’ve traded that information for knowing what a smile is. Jesus, that’s so ridiculously awful that it sounds more like an evil spell cast by a Care Bears villain than a psychiatric theory. Other consequences of this rewiring are listed as social awkwardness, poor body language skills, general isolation and less interest in interpersonal events…
So…they’re saying that people that interact with technology a lot are…nerds?
I hope UCLA gets its funding from magical leprechauns, because their psychiatric theories are not exactly groundbreaking fare.
Putting aside the questionable validity of Professor Jock up there, the studies they’ve conducted say that the problems are getting much worse in native users of modern technology (people that have grown up using it) and are most notably present in people in their early 20s. The theory even goes further, supposing that as children learn to read in the traditional way from books, the brain builds pathways that are later used for sophisticated analysis and comprehension. These pathways take a bit of processing time to form, so when children develop using the Internet – constantly flipping from subject to subject – they drastically lower their reading comprehension.
Again, that grant money better be coming from whoring your body off to better, more successful scientists, UCLA psych department, because, Christ, just look at any comments page on the Internet. I could’ve told you that 20-year-olds have trouble with fucking reading comprehension.
“What the fuck is this thing?”
Hell, just in the comments section below this article, I bet you’ll find a dozen “fags,” six “firsts!!1!” and about 27 calls for me to “STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B”’
…Actually, now that I think about it, are you guys hiring over there at the UCLA psych department? You may be the Wal-Mart of science, but at least you’re not greeted in your empty lab every morning by a fellow psychiatrist screaming “first!” because he’s been waiting in the dark all night just to brag about how he got there before you.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 at 8:00 am and is filed under Science, Video Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 15th, 2009 at 1:58 am
So… saying that nerds are nerds isn’t completely legit unless some brainwashed scientists prove with with 5C13nC3?
Shapechanging Jesus, save me! Oh, and point of a matter—they should do the self-esteem test with people who are completely happy with their own self-image. I’m tired of people who complain that hotness makes them feel bad! For the love of all burritos and chimichangas, it’s not gonna fucking matter until we learn to teach that everyone is beautiful (thank you mom).
Besides, the human body is badassness in all manner of ways, from the immune system to the muscle tones. I’ve got an artistic hard-on for the human body.
November 14th, 2009 at 1:30 am
…
So. Why is there a random post about skydiving over there? And why do I have the nagging feeling that I’m going to regret having asked?
November 12th, 2009 at 3:49 am
FIRST!!!1
November 9th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
HALO IS TEHG LEGIT!111!11! FUCK FAGGGGOT NOOBZ RRRR…
Time to go play CODMW2 and piss myself
November 9th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Total bullcrap.
So basicly their research is about technology transforming people into robots that don’t recognize faces and can’t even spell/recognize their own name?
I must be some kind of Optimus Prime by now.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:25 am
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
November 4th, 2009 at 7:49 am
It can be a bit nerve wracking to take on any new sport, but there is perhaps no athletic activity that intimidates beginners quite as much as skydiving. Since the majority of people who are interested in skydiving have never jumped out of a plane before, it makes plenty of sense that skydiving can cause even the most experienced and courageous athletes to come down with a sudden case of the jitters. The fact that many people find their first jump so difficult makes the initial fall all the more important. If your first skydiving experience is positive, you will feel more confident about your ability to learn skydiving technique. If you don’t enjoy your first jump for any reason, you are unlikely to try again. In some sense, the first jump can make or break a skydiver.
There are two common methods for taking on your very first dive: tandem jumping or accelerated free fall. In a tandem jump, you share a harness with an experienced skydiving instructor who has total control of the fall and landing. In an accelerated free fall, instructors help to guide you during your time in the air, but you are in your own harness, open your own parachute, and control your own landing. Each of these methods has some advantages and some disadvantages, and deciding which one is right for you depends largely on what you think your future as a skydiver will be.
Tandem jumping can be less frightening than an accelerated free fall, and many people opt to start out with a tandem jump in order to get a taste of what skydiving is like without having the responsibility of controlling any portion of their fall. Often, people who only plan to skydive once choose to take a tandem jump because it allows them to relax and enjoy the ride while their jumping partner worries about the altitude, the parachute, and the landing. This gives you the opportunity to experience the thrill of skydiving while knowing that your safety is in very capable hands.
In an accelerated free fall, you exit the plane with two instructors, one on either side of you, who maintain a grip on your harness for the duration of the fall, controlling your speed, helping you improve your position, and assisting you with stability. When you reach four thousand feet above the ground, you open your own parachute and pilot yourself down to the landing target. An accelerated free fall costs more than a tandem jump because it requires two guides instead of one, but unlike the tandem jump it can count as the first leg of your training course towards eventual certification. This makes it a good option as a first jump for people who are serious about continuing with their skydiving training.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:37 am
ghguyr
October 12th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
“I guess I just hope that parents will recognize this and help their children see the goodness in reading a book going outside with a friend (even if its one you met through x-box live).”
That made me think of a book flipping off a nerd and leaving with a friend. It would be easier to read what you write if you punctuated more.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
i fergot to say NOOB to but i think fagert cockway knows it what a bitch i fucked his mom last night while his daddy watched
October 6th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
mehfag brockway is a poon spanker his theeries are faggoty i think he needs to start playing halo cuz hes talkin like a homo what a fag BROCKWAY SUX!!!1!!!11
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
I play a lot of video games (TF2, HL2, basically anything by Valve) and I read a lot. I think it about balances out for me, as I can recognize facial expressions- and my name. But I see the symptoms described in this article to some of my friends.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:20 am
Hm, I used to rely on my WoW guild for social interaction since people in real life shunned me more often than a Corrupted Blood victim.. Now that my subscription’s ended, I have to turn to marching band for actual social events. Meh.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am
This is why we need more Persona games! You have to get ahead by not acting like a fucktard and actually maintaining social relationships… with virtual characters… okay maybe not? I still want another one, though.
September 9th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Megan Fox as the picture of brain-damage? Yeah, I can agree with that.
August 30th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
FIRST! Haha, take that, FAG! STGU ABOUT HALOP N00B! LOL!!!
Seriously, man, great article.
August 24th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Renova…
An interesting post by a bloger made me ……
August 10th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I’m starting to think more and more that I was given a man’s brain. I’ve been playing Fallout 3 non-stop lately to the point where, if I have to choose between playing or taking a cigarette break (something I do every couple of hours… or minutes if alcohol is involved) I pick the game. On a possitive note, it may keep me from getting cancer as quickly!
August 9th, 2009 at 12:09 am
i refuse to sleep with string theory. who knows where it’s been? i don’t want to catch a unified theory of everything.
August 9th, 2009 at 12:04 am
SECOND
August 7th, 2009 at 10:49 am
It seems like people that get really into gaming have a hard time socializing in the first place, so video games serve as an outlet for social activity. They don’t have to deal with their lack of social skills when they spend all day in their own home. Before video games though, it was just a different nerdy obsession, like building models, playing D&D or whatever geeks did in the past. There have always been pasty kids that get beat up by the “jocks” and there always will be. The problem they face now is, they aren’t forced to find their own place in society, they create their own in an electronic dreamland. I guess I just hope that parents will recognize this and help their children see the goodness in reading a book going outside with a friend (even if its one you met through x-box live).
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Gosh, even though i read number three, and some may get mad at me, but females can become very addicited to videos games. For me, I have no social life, no job, and even left school because of psychological problems that i’ve been told have been associated with video games.
Of course, other women are just bitches and do not understand the wonderful concept of violent video games
along with number 1, i will have to agree i lost social function, but my reading skills have increased far more from video games, and i was advanced in reading throughout school.
July 28th, 2009 at 12:53 am
5) Bullshit…okey, maybe a little breast envy. Apparently a D cup might as well be an A cup as far as video games, American comic books, & all forms of Japanese media are concerned.
4) Oh look, it’s James Rolfe. Maybe it’s because I’m female, but when I do something violent in a game, it results in either a laugh or a yawn.
3) I once campaigned across Morrowind with the goal of killing anything that moved until I was the only moving thing. That’s not conquering? Why am I supprised that “addiction” didn’t mention hours playing?
2)I decided after watching people on TV talk about how they “feel” for 10 years that most of my fellow Americans have a speech impediment. I call it Vallygirlism.
1) I had all that crap long before I started playing video games.
July 19th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Male PMS only occurs in 5-10% of gamers, the guys who get their pre-order snuggling with it in the middle of the night, and this is just due to lack of skill in general, from losing so much. However non-gamers tend to over-exaggerate on video games. For instance, if you go to a mall anywhere in America and shout out “I’m a gamer!” 2 people will start fumbling for their cellphones, and the police will show up for “Attempted Murder”. And for all those who are scared to admit it, I’m 23, a gamer, and actually have friends(not Fr31Nds)
July 15th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I think I may be an exception to the Internet = loss of reading skills. I spend about 5+ hours a day on the internet, yet I read like crazy.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:29 am
first
July 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Drop lbs:
I do hope that’s sarcasm.
July 4th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Sad, so so sad, jake you just proved the last portion right with your response. You clearly didn’t actually read the article. Let’s throw a quote in here.
“These pathways take a bit of processing time to form, so when children develop using the Internet – constantly flipping from subject to subject – they drastically lower their reading comprehension.”
Notice that word in there, you know, the one that you apparently couldn’t read. It said THE INTERNET, the main subject of the entire article is video games but he subject of that sentence clearly wasn’t. Also it didn’t say that the ability to read period was damaged, but reading comprehension. It is actually quite common to read very fast yet not understand or even remember the majority of what you read, as you just made so apparent. Finally there is a big difference in going on the internet period and practically living on it. Thanks for proving right a theory that isn’t exactly flattering, now why don’t you go make all of us even happier and go kill a defenseless animal or something.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:18 am
How is this news? BREAKING Gamers are chubby, stuttering, awkward kids! Well duh…
June 26th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Lol, I find that last one funny considering the fact that i grew up with video games and that in 7th grade i had a college grade reading level. I went on the internet after school and wasted hours playing FFX but I read better then everybody else. I don’t know if thats because i also read books incredi-fast when I was bored or if I’m just a genius.
June 20th, 2009 at 1:42 am
[...] 5 Bizarre Ways Video Games Are Screwing Up Your Health | Cracked.com [...]
June 20th, 2009 at 1:28 am
[...] a response, or trackback from your own site. … Feministe - http://www.feministe.us/blog/ 5 Bizarre Ways Video Games Are Screwing Up Your Health | Cracked.com28 Jan 2009 by Robert Brockway A study by a psychology professor at Kansas State University has [...]
June 16th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
About half the comments are just people repeating parts of the article or denying that they’re nerds, even though they play video games.
June 14th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
that last one’s bullshit.
i had a post-high-school reading level in the eighth grade.
i basically learned how to read and internet at the same time.
and actually, when i do internet stuff, i can get occupied with the same subject for freaking EVER. As in NOT rapid.
so yeah.
June 11th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
there………..i said it
June 7th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Interesting.
Although, I love to play video games, and yet my reading comprehension is above average and my social skills are fine. XD I guess the trick is to have a good balance between games and other recreational activities.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:19 am
This article kicks ass. I spent like a second reading number one and then like three hours staring at those boobs in picture 2 and 7. Just awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 1st, 2009 at 1:36 am
@ Tiffany: You obviously didn’t read number three did you? It said nothing about ‘girls not liking video games’. It simply stated that the brain processes that occur during gaming are different in males and females. Nothing about ‘being good at them’ or the desire to play.
Finally, you exhibited the reasoning behind ‘girls fail at video games’ by bringing up your measurements and eye and hair color. Girls who really love gaming don’t give two sh*ts about whether people think they are unattractive or not. They care about the game.
In conclusion, ‘I call bullshi*’ on you.
May 30th, 2009 at 5:02 am
loved the article.
Any woman who gets upset about number 3 is ridiculous because it’s true and is not offensive to women. We’re wired differently from men; big surprise. However, I know plenty of female gamers regardless.
May 25th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
When I use the internet i dont flip from subject to subject, I concetrate on and enjoy what I am reading, particularly Cracked.com
May 10th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Ok to one where girls don’t like video games…. Well I’m a girl I play video games just as much as my two roommates who are guys and I’m just as good as them and I want to play just as much as they do. I’m a typical girl except I play video games and before all of you say oh your ugly not even close I’m 5′9 140lbs green eyes and brunette hair. So I call bullshi*
May 9th, 2009 at 5:00 am
im ashamed i spent 10 minutes looking at the big brested lady
May 6th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
first!!1!
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
lol I’m sorry but I don’t really like how all of these articles are written as ‘just males are reading this’.
I love the cracked.com articles and I browse around them daily but really guys; really.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Then, naturally, I f*cked up the simple word ” reading”. So I guess I can safely join your ranks now.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Reading this article was funny, however, it was read the comments at the bottom that completed my day.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
5 Bizarre Ways Video Games Are Screwing Up Your Health…
Researchers are now finding so many negative links between gaming and your physical and mental health - from self-esteem to dementia, anger issues to bladder control – that they’re stopping just shy of outright blaming Halo for erectile dysfunction…
April 15th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
yeah i dont think these are true. well 1 and 2 i dont believe are true because i have social issues but didnt use a computer until i was like 14. and my friend is a super game freak but he has none of these problems. scientists are fucking stupid they just waste their time and money trying to explain lies.
by the way
FIRST!!!11!!!
April 13th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I just almost rounded off a 500 comment, complete with bona fide conversational point. But firefox lamed-out and automatically unselected the article JUST before I pressed ‘delete’: so fuck this. I’ll post something thoughtful and conversational when I finish sitting in a furious temper killing people on COD4 and then lamely gloating about it over my headset.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Personally I have not seen many of these manifested, though I suppose being a student studying computer games design as my actually degree scheme doesn’t exactly help with proving my point. I am constantly surrounded by a rather large sample of gamers and while many of them do seem to be suggestive of some of the aforementioned problems I have noticed that a large number of them seemed to have the penchant for these problems from before they came to either university or prepare themselves for professional work in the games industry.
Many of my compatriots do find standard communication difficult but in previous decades those very problems themselves may have been blamed on comics, DnD, Vampire the Masquerade (okay well maybe those are all also some bad examples), not to mention the ever nerdy startrek and the rest of the SciFi/Fantasy genre and its merchandising as a whole.
Though I know myself obviously biased I do think a fairly large amount of it might also simply be a misnomer between experiments and the testing of a specific hypothesis, and data collected in a correlation study. Apart from the test in which young men were exposed to violent video games while a control group was left to play non-violent video games. This however smacks of a fairly simplistic experiment not at all proving much (though I don’t have access to the actual testing methods and process so I can’t make more than a cursory judgement based on another’s journalistic interpretation) what about the same experiment being performed with violent and non-violent imagery, or literature, or even placing some in a situation where they see or even participate in a violent physical activity (aka. something along the lines of martial arts practive etc.) This study only proves that someone wished to make these particular observations and gather data based around games, without further investigation into the potential of deeper causes not related to games at all.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I disagree. While I do not have a large study group, I can say conclusively that I have not experienced any of these problems.
March 21st, 2009 at 2:00 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
March 15th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
dude scientist are fucking liar
March 15th, 2009 at 9:03 am
first!
March 14th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
It’s funny that the guys were more dissatisfied with their bodies after playing video games with muscular handsome guys in them, but I think since women see images with women who aren’t the norm a lot, they might kind of be able to brush it off easier, whereas the guys sob a little on the inside every time.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
dude, that guy second picture from the last is me. and i say that kids who that supposedly get health problems from video games wouldve gotten them anyway. or were already that way. at least now theyre out of sight and out of mind of their white trash parents that bought them the video games as a lazy form of babysitting
March 9th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
[...] Para visualizar, clique aqui. Para visualizar a versão traduzida para o português, clique [...]
March 9th, 2009 at 10:48 am
It’s true, video games has given me muscle dysmorphia
BRB GOING TO GYM TO SQUAT THE PAIN AWAY
March 7th, 2009 at 9:32 am
who ever wrote this should go kick a ball
March 7th, 2009 at 9:29 am
haha go kick a ball
March 5th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Any person could tell you that sitting in front of a screen all childhood is gonna fuck you up.
Common sense is hard to find these days.
One brief lifetime to do everything, playing games isn’t priority.
Funny : all those rebellious kids playing all a handfull of computergames, thus feeding commercial industry.
Critical thinking isnt big these days, and Americas newspaperfreedom is ranked 34th on the list , right next to Belize.
God forbid anyone actually thinks , ey?
March 4th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
FIRST!!!1
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
hahahaha Demut = TOTAL FUCKING NERD
February 25th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Hm. Addiction seems a bit shady. I dunno. I play video games at an above average rate, but if I go on vacation, my power is out, etc. I can totally go without my Xbox for a week or two no problem.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B FAGS
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
STFU BOUT HALO THESE STUDIES ARE GAY HALO MAKES PEOPLE SMART SO DOES BEER
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1058526.stm
DICK
!!!!NOT THE FIRST!!!!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Augh! I don’t look a thing like my muscular, well built, Marauder from Warhammer!
Ima go jump off a bridge!
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Ciekawy blog, tematyka podobna do mojego, zapraszam na moja strone, pozdrawiam
February 21st, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I have read these comments and I feel that a distinction between hardcore and casual needs to be set. Most games that are considered hardcore are not, they are too easy to be hardcore. They are entertaining to hardcore gamers but they are not hardcore, they are softcore.
Generally I see only two types of single player experiences being churned out, casual and softcore leaving people like me to seek out challenges in multiplayer. I can’t play multiplayer due to my location depriving me of High-speed internet.
Casual can be described as any game that is easy to play and easy to master. They offer little depth and can be compared to tee-ball. Examples of this include numerous puzzle games, party games a recent simcity game, and others. Prier to the term casual became used casual games were often likened more unto toys then games. Look at simant and what the creators say about their creation.
Softcore offers more challenge, but it is usually an illusion as its most challenging aspects try to stay within reach of even the most casual of casual players so they don’t feel inferior, while at the same time dressing up their core mechanics with all sorts of other things to make the hardcore player feel satisfied. Super Smash brothers does this by merely making everything so chaotic nobody can think. Bioshock does this by having a super forgiving system that masks the easiness of it from good players who rarely die. Other games try to do it by being easy, but making themselves seem complex by using two or three step puzzles that are not difficult but make you feel like you thought. Virtually all RPGs are softcore, they have a leveling up system which means all you need to be successful is patience.This is like unorganized baseball played in a sandlot.
Hardcore are games that offer challenges that can only be achieved by being very good. I don’t mean frustratingly impossible or just hard because of bad controls or implementation I mean if it was chess you would need a ELO of1800 to win. Its nice if they throw in optional challenges that would require 2000. I would consider a game Hardcore if it included a HARD difficulty setting that achieved this, unfortunatly developers rely on multiplayer content to satisfy hardcore gamers. It is like organized baseball, though not professional.
Its a sad trend to see first player experiences devoted wholly to casual and softcore with hardcore relegated to multiplayer. It leaves players without high-speed internet unsatisfied, or at least I am.
I won’t comment on women gamers until social expectations of men and women disappear. That would be when the words like pig and chauvinist disappear as well as the words whore and feminist. (This list is not exclusive.)
Until then both men and women are going to be prejudiced against each other and themselves.
As for people who say puzzle games are all casual.
SCIZM is a good puzzle one, it is comprised wholly of Logic puzzles. It is point and click, but really its a puzzle game.
February 17th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOPS N00b
February 13th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Crocked.. it’s called humour get a life you finklleroy.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:04 am
firsts!!1!
February 9th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
first/
February 7th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
February 5th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
“Can you tell me why you like pWning n00bs, in your big boy words?” -
hahahah, I just about **** myself. Great post.
February 4th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
not funny, the writer obviously wets the bed. also his girlfriend (likely invisible) is a fatty.
February 4th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Btw, I meant in that “same desire to conquer” idea. I don’t like the idea of playing it out in video games. However, that could be attributed to the fact that my brain is insanely creative (with insanely being used in the most literal manner possible).
February 4th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
I’m a gamer girl and I actually do sort of agree with that little chick factoid, specifically because I hate most games for the Xbox, including Halo (and all first person shooters, I might add)
I will admit that my bias is completely ungrounded, seeing as how the only fps I’ve played is Metroid Prime, but I’ve just always seen games like that as sort of mindless (no offense to any of you. To each his own, right?). I’m a huge JRPG player, with the Tales of Series topping that list with TWENWY following close behind — and I like those because they require a teensy bit more thinking than “point gun at alien” (not much more, mind you).
Also, I would like to point out that you are NEVER too old for Pokemon. Even if it IS a little ridiculous at this point (they’ve really run out of ideas for new pokemon), they haven’t changed the original formula of the games one single bit — meaning they’re just as fun and addicting as they’ve always been.
So sure, maybe the games I play are “girly”, but they’re still games. Nintendo and Namco are just as good as ever, and Squenix has it’s bright shiny moments amid the next Final Fantasy installment (see: Kingdom Hearts, The World Ends With You).
And also, I don’t really think anyone feels bad that they’re not as unbelievably sexy as video game characters. That’s like saying that you feel weak because you’re not Superman. If you’re bothered that much by a character’s physique, then you really can’t be classified as a gamer.
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
cali knows how to keep it lit, yeeee!
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Well, the internet can’t be all that bad for linguistic skills. I mean, look! It taught Timas to speak foreignese!
February 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
first fags
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
firstsgafs looool h4los fir nubs neways so go fuk urslefs
February 3rd, 2009 at 11:54 am
[...] Nu o P. šian pametėjo linką į kitą blogą, kuriame yra nuostabus postas pavadintas “5 Bizarre Ways Video Games Are Screwing Up Your Health“ [...]
February 2nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bizarre-ways-video-games-are-screwing-up-your-health/ - How video games are ruining your life [...]
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Wow that wasnt very well thought out. A) not all southerners are highly conservative bible thumpers, just as not everyone from say, California is a worthless stoned hippy. Stereotypes for the loss. B) Kansas isnt really the South. More like South Light. C) If you dont think there are guns in video games, you’re an idiot. D) The politically left has actually been fairly hard on video games, a fact alot of gamers dont realize. Hillary Clinton has been one of the main anti video game crusaders, often mentioned next to good ol’ Jack Thompson.
February 2nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
“A study by a psychology professor at Kansas State University”
well there’s the problem right there, kansas is doin research, no wonder its against gamers, if it doesnt involve guns or god the south is against it,
February 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
JESUS YOU THINK THIS IS FUN I MEAN HOW DID YOU EVEN TESTED THIS GOD LET US BE HOW WE ARE AND STOP FUCKING UP OUR REPUTATION JESUS
February 2nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
First!!1!
also..
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B!!!!
February 2nd, 2009 at 6:49 am
“…at least you’re not greeted in your empty lab every morning by a fellow psychiatrist screaming “first!” because he’s been waiting in the dark all night just to brag about how he got there before you.”
That’s so not true. As a PhD student, I can testify that… uh, a friend of mine… had a tally chart going with an office-mate as to who could get in first in the morning…
February 1st, 2009 at 8:49 pm
FIRST!!!!!111
February 1st, 2009 at 7:54 pm
FIRST!~!!!!11!!
February 1st, 2009 at 3:12 am
Antonio: Don’t be mean to Haziel! They sound more like a non-English speaker than the monkey-with-a-keyboard types who would’ve used ‘da’ instead of ‘the’.
Other than that, I loved the Xbox Live picture. Wish I could read all the comments, but this is the type that gets so much, half of them just quoting the article.
I love that lacking the desire to take control of an area of nonexistent land says *women’s* brains work wrong.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I thought the various studies cited in this article were bullshit until I read Haziel’s response. Things have really gotten out of control.
January 31st, 2009 at 3:32 pm
God dammit i loved number 1
For me is hard to believe in some of those “researchs” most likely anyone who is good at something or enjoy it so much, even a blacksmith, i would bet they would be the same, the diference?, you can merge with tecnollogy inside your cozy, warm house, is laziness my friends, and we all are in the same boat with that
well maybe not sportmans/womans, but i bet they hate to do something else instead
January 31st, 2009 at 3:13 pm
The #1 is kind of a “Thank you, Captain Obvious” moment.
For all you female gamers, let us commiserate together about how, for some reason, on ANY ONLINE GAME YOU PLAY, nobody believes you when you say you’re female. No matter how feminine your voice may be, they think you are a prepubescent boy.
For all you male gamers, why is this? I’ve been told many times that I have a very feminine and elegant voice (or, that I sound almost exactly like my sister and my mother, both of which have feminine, elegant voices). It sounds like an adult women’s, not a teen boy’s. So why do you never believe a girl when she says she’s a girl, on the online games?
It confuses me TT_TT
January 31st, 2009 at 9:46 am
Yeah, Sometimes I find myself at work wanting to switch to my shotty and painting the wall with COG chunks. And sometimes i fall asleep with a X mic on my head still. I must be a fuckboner pukebitch……………. Sweet.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:53 am
*weeps for the lack of veinage*
Wolfie!
January 31st, 2009 at 5:02 am
I love how they love to depict us gamers as asshats, like we can’t be fanatics while maintaining good speech culture cleanliness and a generally well lived social life outside of gaming. As a female gamer I have to say I love all games from yearly madden tournaments with my bf and our friends to trading pokemon with my nephews and nieces I genuinely feel like as a gamer who cares wth you’re playing just get out there and PLAY voice your opinion on what you like/dislike about your game and continue to support gaming & gamers in general.. woman man or child. ~Ace~
January 31st, 2009 at 3:54 am
“Xbox Live (for those of you who aren’t gamers, Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers).”
So damn true -_-.
January 31st, 2009 at 12:57 am
fags
January 31st, 2009 at 12:39 am
@Mary
Woah, woah, woah. Not to make any disparaging comments about your status as a female gamer, but there’s no way in hell you can ever- EVER- claim to be or represent “real” gamers if you so casually dismiss Sonic 2, Link to the Past, and even the Pokemon games. Sonic 2 and Link to the Past were genre and console defining classics that still, frequently, wind up on “Top 10 Best” lists. As for the Pokemon series- you should show some damned respect because it’s the Pokemon games that SAVED hand-held gaming. If not for them, the Game Boy would have eventually died out and the Color, and eventually the Advance, may not have been made, or were as popular. Furthermore, the Pokemon games were damned good RPG’s in their own right. Combining a fairly respectable battle system and boasting insane amounts of replayability (which was always SEVERELY lacking in RPGs), they made the Game Boy and link cable worth buying.
So, yeah, before you go around bashing other peoples’ claims to gamerdom, it’d help to check your own damned credentials. Unreal Tournament? Please- come back when you cite Doom and Duke Nukem 3d; and MMO’s? Oh hell, that’s weaksauce. Real games were Diablo 2, Starcraft, Command and Conquer, Commander Keen, The Legend of Zelda, and Space Invaders. Come back when you’ve grown up and learned to show some respect to games that have actually made an impact on gaming as we know it; please.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Goddammit, why didn’t anyone tell me I was biologically incapable of being addicted to video games /before/ I went and spent another $40 that I can’t afford to spend on them? That would’ve been useful to know.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
any gamer chicks around san luis obispo? cal poly anyone?
January 30th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
“Davo Says:
January 29th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
You’re friends with Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, right?”
Well, sir, there’s nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail!
What’d I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What’s it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That’s right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud…
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You’ll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I’m on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it’s Springfield’s only choice…
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What’s it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again…
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street’s still all cracked and broken…
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!
Homer: Mono… D’oh!
January 30th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
That was a crack at ‘erectile dysfunction’ in case I confuse someone.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
What if things goes both ways?
Imagine seeing this in the “Ask Edna” column.
“Dear Edna
I have always had a liking for video games and specially all the video game babes.
However, since a month back my current girlfriend and I have had sex quite a bit and now I can’t masturbate to my video games anymore.
Lara, Kasumi, Samus and Peach just doesn’t do it for me and this makes me sad and upset. What should I do?
17 and confused”
Hmm, although most guys would probably both screw their girlfriend *and* keep jacking off to pixel babes.
Heh, just as the girls would get off both with their BF and to Lucien Lachance, Kratos, Dante and Sephiroth.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Boo hoo boo hoo
Says the Cracked commentator
Everything sucks.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I suck at haiku
Lacking any elegance
I am quite lazy.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Dear Robert Brockway
Entertaining article
Keep up the good work.
Cracked readers comments
Mostly inane and stupid
But some do make sense.
People who play games
Do not like reality
It is far too dull.
Too much of a thing
Is not good for a person
That includes water.
Haiku are pretty
but sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator.
January 30th, 2009 at 11:27 am
First!!! STFU aboot Halo n00b!!! Nah, I’m just joking.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Shit, 4/5. I need some help.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:26 am
I find that we can you are.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Haha, UCLA sucks.
Go Trojans - Fight on!
January 30th, 2009 at 6:56 am
All female gamers, I’m loaded. Rich parents kicked the bucket =(
On a more pleasant note, I’m looking for a wife to play video games with please submit a photo and application to the address below:
I’m just kidding.
But I love that part about “This is the face of brain damage.” -Science.
…Pure genius.
January 30th, 2009 at 6:13 am
“So, maybe you know all about casting a third tier fire shield, but you’ve traded that information for knowing what a smile is. Jesus, that’s so ridiculously awful that it sounds more like an evil spell cast by a Care Bears villain than a psychiatric theory.”
and
“You may be the Wal-Mart of science, but at least you’re not greeted in your empty lab every morning by a fellow psychiatrist screaming “first!” because he’s been waiting in the dark all night just to brag about how he got there before you.”
fuckin’ LOL!
January 30th, 2009 at 3:32 am
“Maybe people who are more susceptible to addition and social awkwardness gravitate towards video games.”
-Prometheus.
Yeah, them math types love playing games!
Sorry, you made a good point, but that was really funny.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:22 am
Other than the bit on speech impediments, I’m pretty sure that this article tells me nothing that I didn’t already know.
Also, will I get my self esteem lowered from playing Silent Hill 2, because I don’t have a terrible voice actor or the ability to shove 87 pianos in my back pocket at all times, unless I want to get into a PMSing elevator which somehow knows my weight to the ounce?
January 30th, 2009 at 3:05 am
I’m a chick and I game. I agree with what science says, but there are TONS of different types of gaming genres out there, it’s not all about ‘claiming territory’. I like MMORPGS and sandbox games, and once in a while like a good bloody action game. I agree with the PMS thing though; my boyfriend turns into a raging asshole sometimes when he loses some shit.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:00 am
i have to disagree with some of this
im a girl and i love video games
I’ve been playing since the first play station came out and the only girly games i played were the ones i had to pretend i liked because my grandma bought them for me. Nothing makes me happier than mowing a bunch down of guys with an AK47 in Call of Duty 4. And playing games actually helped me make friends and made me LESS socially awkward.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:36 am
So I’ve got to agree with the guys, here. All the women who think Brockway’s an ass sort of just prove this entire article. Reading comprehension fails, social interactions fail. It’s not that women can’t play video games, just that they are less likely to enjoy them.
Then again, if he were to throw out the statistic that boys consistently achieve lower test scores than girls, all the guys here would go into a “STFU UR SO FAKE!!!” rampage.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:19 am
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
January 30th, 2009 at 2:02 am
You have to admit, in at least three of those instances (and arguably all five) would be very easy to confuse cause and effect. I mean, do people end up socially awkward because they game too much, or do they find solace in computer games because of their social awkwardness.
Now, what are just a few things that would contribute to social awkwardness? Now, let’s see, off the top of my head I might list poor self-esteem, speech impediments, poor anger management, and possibly even obsessive behaviour.
So, theoretically we have people who find social interactions difficult and discover a safe haven where they can escape from their own damaged identities and feel a clear sense of achievement. This virtual world is so much more positive than their real lives that they end up developing an obsessive need to remain in that world as much as possible. You might even call it an addiction…
Causality is always one of the big puzzles when trying to find a link between two behaviours, and in the case of video games I think far too many researchers begin with presuppositions that cloud their results and blind them to more complex possibilities.
Funny article, though. Cracked rocks.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:59 am
your studies are only negative. that all your looking for.
you dont really know what your talking about.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:33 am
Jesus, I haven’t read all the comments, but from I can see, you can safely cut the funding for these studies; all the proof we need is right here on cracked. It’s funny when illiterate gamers try to defend their lifestyle and end up looking dumber then they were.
For example, read Yukis posts
“And you know, most people used to say this kind of things about the books, and now they say that the books are the glory of the culture and all that stuff that they scream to you to make you read and stop playing videogames…”
“I really think that this article and the “science” its… FAKE!!!!”
Sure, you can call me an asshole for nitpicking at someones grammar or spelling, but to me, the phrasing reveals a lot about someone mentality.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Brown, I am fairly certain that Mary is a girl (as indicated by her calling herself a girl…) and hence cannot have any sort of “male” pms… In fact, I am confused by your entire post. Confused and scared.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:10 am
HMMM YES MARY SEEMS QUITE RAGED I SEE……
HMMM YES IT APPEARS MARY SUFFERS FROM THIS CONDITION KNOWN AS MALE PMS NUMBER (#) FOUR (4) ABOVE YES HMMMM YES AHH YES
January 29th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
I must clarify some of what I said - that’s not 12 year old fare, it’s SIX year old fare. And Pokemon? Gross.
The other games you listed is the kind of stuff my brother and I mastered fairly young. Even as a casual gamer (I didn’t become a ’serious’ gamer until age 10) I could finish those games in my sleep.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Wow wow wow. First off, “Anonymouse” (learn to spell), I am a girl who has been a gamer since age 10, now aged 22 and the games I play and have played for the past 12 years are nowhere near as fucking girly as the shit you’re passing off as ‘gamer’ fare. The games you play might be nice and relaxing, but compared to what I’m used to would put me to sleep. If you can’t handle at least one FPS (like Unreal Tournament) and you’ve never played a MMORPG (for example, WoW, or any of the many, many others), then you CANNOT call yourself a gamer. So you’re a girl, sure, but you’re not really a gamer. If you listed those games off to real gamers (such as myself) they would laugh at you and tell you to get lost. Sonic 2, Link (fun as it may be), and Pokemon??
That’s 12-year-old fare.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Now that’s just stupid! I’m a girl and I’ve loved video games since I was 4. Then again, I’m a tomboy. And no, I’m not talking about Reader Rabbit shit (though I did play that a lot). My first video game was Sonic 2. I was too young to know wtf was going on, but my sister and I would race each other all the time. I was always Sonic, and she was Tails. After that, it was Link’s Awakening. Then, we both got addicted to Pokemon. I had Blue and Silver and she had Red and Gold. I’ve gotten all of my Pokemon, and I mean every single last one of them to level 100. We never played any ones past Gold, because we were way too old for Pokemon by then. Along with Pokemon I was playing Zelda 64. I swear, along with Majora’s Mask, I’ve beaten those games literally dozens of times (I have OCD and I was really really bored).
I can beat Jak 2 in 4 hours 38 minutes. I’ve beaten all MGS series. I’ve beaten Portal and all of the advanced levels (companion sphere, my ass!). I’ve beaten all of the 3d Zeldas. I can kick anyone’s ass in Smash Bros (though I haven’t played lately). I can also wipe the floor with you in Advance Wars. I’ve beaten all 3 Guitar Heroes on Expert. The only casual game I play (would it count as casual?) is Animal Crossing.
I prefer to stay away from things like Xbox Live and PSN for the exact reason you listed there. The only online game I’ve ever played is WoW (fucking belf rogues).
I have an Xbox, 360, GC, DS, DS lite, N64, GB Color, GBA, GBA SP, Wii, and a PS2. I can’t play PC games because I have a Mac.
Yes, I’m a gamer girl. Shut up.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
You’re friends with Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, right?
January 29th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
I have a PS3 and my friend has a 360 and I can honestly say like 90% of the people I play with on his 360 have an extreme case of homophobic pre teen tourettes, with my PS3 it seems the online population is 7 year olds who don’t even know cus words, people who don’t have mics, and 20 year old college d-bags.
January 29th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
rule34
January 29th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I got linked here from a WoW forum. Enjoyed the article more than I should have.
And I think I love you guys.
Carry on!
January 29th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
I can’t believe you guys put up the pic of the Angry Video Game Nerd. I’ve been a big fan of both of you for a while.
January 29th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
The guy addicted to Halo.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
OmG!!1! 1 h4z t3h f1r5t p05t!
That Megan Fox pic is nice. :]
That nerd in front of his computer looks like he just got caught fapping to Wikipedia. :]
“OH NOES! YOU CAUGHT ME! *sniff*”
Just had to put that in there somewhere, sorry. Anyways, very nice article, although some of these ‘facts’ are TOTALLY untrue for most of the gaming population, it was still very funny.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Haha so that explains why I don’t like video games! I’m just a mentally retarded female XD
January 29th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
fags
January 29th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B!!!!1!!!
January 29th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
@MillerTIME
My that’s wonderful. No if you’d only learn to spell…
January 29th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
lore: yup, male PMS alright.
Thank you for being the stereotypical angry fuck who feels the need to act all badass in a comedy site.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
This is weird, I am in my early 20s and I am actually noticing I have became alot less social in my recent years.
Though I think this is cause there is nothing to do [aside from go party at a bar, bmx, smoke weed and watch other people get to drunk to talk anymore] but also because ive started to grow the up and worry about going to work everyday, paying my bills, getting through college and doing something real with my life., not being a loser like most people. Ill make a bet doing math and thinking strategy in a video game gives more intelligence than going and sniffing coke like most 20 year olds would to “Socialize”.
All these scientist wasted a whatever time they did, Id rather play FIFA 09 or have a LAN party with my friends, than study other people.
I cant believe people are getting payed to study this.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Also– Completly agree with Prometheus down there.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
first!!1!
January 29th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
number of finger bum hole wankers that randomly insult people just because he/she didnt find them funny :1 (nova)
i dont know any of the supposed 3 you insulted i just hate ‘guy in parents basement’ like yourself who randomly insult people on the internet to compensate for your invisible penis. fuck you and die. fuck you right in your invisible penis you fucking fuck.
also: STFU ABOUT HALBOP NOOB
January 29th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I think they might have the cause and effect backwards. Maybe people who are more susceptible to addition and social awkwardness gravitate towards video games.
Also what are the controls in these studies? They could have had people flip though some magazines and show a negative impact in their body image. The question should be; is it a greater effect with video games?
January 29th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Thank you Tartra. I completely agree.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I think I also have to dispute the female/gamer remark above, despite the scientific evidence. The problem with females and gaming is this: When you (a dude) plays say, Call of Duty 4, you play as a dude with other dudes.
Although this “dude on dude” action could seem homoerotic (80’s wrestling tells us there is nothing gay about male on male writhing) I’m going to have to view this as kinda sexist. So as the girl below commented, perhaps fellows, just perhaps, these video games are a little biased, perhaps they are not targeted towards women? If there was the choice of picking a female solider, at least a choice? Maybe this is why many females play RPG’s, because there is a choice.
To conclude, I like virtually shooting someone in the head with a 50.cal as much as the next person, and yes, I have a vaginia.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Did you know that 78.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot?
January 29th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
@ Phemie
Have you tried Fallout 3? I would say, building a female character in that isn’t “sexed up”. That and besides the occasional run in with a prostitute (I don’t know if women get male prostitutes) I would say you could quite easily be a bad ass of the wastelands going around and making a bloody mess of all sorts of baddies and zombie esk characters. While still being a modestly looking women.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
295th !!!11
January 29th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Numbers of dickheads who are trying to act funny (haha-fucking-ha) by yelling STFU ABOUT HALOP NOOB: 3
January 29th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I’m a girl, and video games are my main passion in life. #1 is a good portion of why I need to get into the industry and am so committed to changing it. Also, I don’t mean to disagree with the non-disputable scientists.
Hehe, but I think most of the reason girls don’t play video games is that they feel as if it’s a boys only club and feel alienated by the subject matter, characters and ideas presented (which are often sexist and unrealistic in nature). 99% games are made by guys, for guys, and I think that it’s more likely that’s what’s keeping girls away from games than the fact that they lack some competitive will.
We may not need to “conquer everything” or whatever, but most of the girls I know love to feel like a total baddass and fight zombies, they just wish they didn’t have to from an overly macho guy’s (or overly sexed up girl’s) point of view. *Shrug*
January 29th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
first
January 29th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
It’s tough to get any solid answers out of huge generalizations. In the end gaming, like TV or movies, is a subjective artform. WE make the meaning and interpret it in our own ways. Some people, such as myself, grew up playing tons of games and still play today. However I also have a job, house, friends, large family and tons of other hobbies. Whatever the problems are with addiction and social isolation are, it has more to do with the individual than the medium. Some people work 9-5- then come home and watch TV from 6-12. Is that not its own escapism as well? Hell isn’t that what many older people have been doing since the invention of TV? Isn’t that also its own addiction and social isolation?
January 29th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
lol wut?
January 29th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
A lot of these studies are complete bs.
They’ve done other studies where they find that people who do play video games are actually more social, have no effects on their “rage” or “anger” levels, etc. Blaming murders on GTA is as about is retarded as blaming murders on Marilyn Manson’s fake tits and lyrics.
Instead of questioning video games and looking for negatives, how bout you all shut the fuck up and just play one. Problem solved.
January 29th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Most of these “Theories” are a crock of shit. I spent pretty much my whole childhood playing hours upon hours of games, from diablo 2 when I was in the 5th grade, on to starcraft, and counter-strike and WoW, and my reading comprehension is far above average, socials skills are fine, I’m not retarded, and I’m perfectly happy with my body.
I can’t deny the accusation of male PMS rage though.
January 29th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I think someone needs to do a study about how majoring in psychology just you can take the joy out of everything fun in life could affect your social life. Which one’s worse: the guy addicted to Halo, or the guy who studied the guys who are addicted to Halo for eight years just to prove videogame addiction exists and might possibly damage your social life.
January 29th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
The whole point behind the Rising Dragon Forehead Slapper is the danger. Some people just don’t get tea-bagging.
January 29th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
[...] Cracked column up over here about the bizarre and possibly bullshit ways that science thinks video games are screwing over your [...]
January 29th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
“The offline competitive gaming scene actually promotes social activity, because you go and attend tournaments at various places across the country, sometimes even in a different country and you are with other gamers for one game, discuss the metagame, other games they play, etc. And a good percentage of competitive gamers are actually not out of shape. ”
going to a conference of other video game nerds twice a year does NOT a social life make! really? wow.
don’t get me wrong, i love video games, but i play games where i play with other people, like rock band :D, and i don’t spend all my time playing games… i go to school, work, interact with people, etc.
January 29th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
[...] Five ways that video games are messing up your health. - Shell posts a loss for the first time in 10 years. - Fifteen great [...]
January 29th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The offline competitive gaming scene actually promotes social activity, because you go and attend tournaments at various places across the country, sometimes even in a different country and you are with other gamers for one game, discuss the metagame, other games they play, etc. And a good percentage of competitive gamers are actually not out of shape.
Competitive gaming only affects addiction possibly, Male PMS is actually looked down upon, controlling your emotions is critical. People will just laugh at you when you rage about losing or w.e
January 29th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about finally dumping my World of Warcraft addicted BF…
January 29th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Robert- you should’ve written this last January because I actually did a whole report in my Psych class about this shit. I could’ve totally cited
Brockway, Robert. “5 Bizarre Ways Video Games Are Screwing Up Your Health” http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bizarre-ways-video-games-are-screwing-up-your-health/
January 29th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Yea PC games suck, Im at uni now and Im probably gonna leave with a 2-2 instead of a 2-1 (C instead of a B), because for every hour I study I spend two playing some peice of crap.
Fucking addiction.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Fuck science. I think they’re just trying to scare us so we’ll sell them our video games out of terror, and they can play them instead of dissecting hobos or whatever the hell it is they do all day. Science, you cannot have my PS3! Cause it’s just not right.
Also, this was a funnier article than usual, Brockway. Good show!
Also also, nice use of the AVGN.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:20 am
N3wb f4gz
January 29th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I find the theory that videogames trigger male dominant impulses intriguing on a sociological level. If that’s true, could this just be a sophistication of killing each other to assert dominance and superiority? I mean, males have always been competitive and domineering, its a biological imperative, but lately those wacky democrats are saying killing people who question your superiority isn’t very nice, so could it be that we just move our wars and tribal battles to a different forum? That’s an interesting thought.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I didn’t read the article, I’ve been to busy playing Fallout 3.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:53 am
FUCK XBOX!!
PS3’s where it’s at.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Wow, Brockway, you managed to get quite the rise out of people.
I think the article is hilarious! Science has gotten quite adept at proving anything they (or rather their funders) want in any subject.
Thanks for the humor!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:30 am
For #3: Who says that girls are the ones who are neurologically impaired? Having a built-in addiction to games that have no use or basis in reality sounds like an neurological impairment to me. No wonder more girls go to college : )
January 29th, 2009 at 10:11 am
actually i´m a female and i am addicted to a lot of video games
January 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 9:02 am
The article was great! I feel sorry to myself why I’m still playing these video games.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Brockway, scientists aren’t allowed stay in all night in my college, and probably not in other colleges eirther.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:08 am
As for the social dysfunction one, I think that there’s alot of proof going just the opposite way. With xbox live and all the added emphasis on voice communication, gaming is becoming more of a social activity than ever.
January 29th, 2009 at 8:02 am
F1rst! Hell, I’m so witty.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Megan Fox pic FTW!
And all this is bullshit, obviously. It’s all the extreme symptoms from gamers who just can’t control themselves, and non-gamers who over-exaggerate.
Still, awesome article. ;]
January 29th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Hey laurens, “srry” the education system failed you. “Afcorse” there’s “now way” for me to know whether in real life you may be an interesting or worthwhile person, but right now you sound like a stupid, stupid kid. Maybe it’s because you have trouble with reading comprehension.
January 29th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Hey it’s AVGN pic
January 29th, 2009 at 6:27 am
first off, FIRST!!!!11!!11
second, i’m not on xbox live, and this may be obvious to anyone who is on xbox live, but when the shit did HALO get a damn P in the title? WTF?
January 29th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Intelligent responce? Errm, I don’t really care what this study tells me because I’m happy doing what I’m doing. As are a lot of gamers I hope.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:20 am
I just find it amusing that we dont socialise as much, or have the lack of understanding of events. Personally the only thing gaming ever taught me was why waste ur money on getting married and feeding the guests, just get married send an email, buy each other a cake , and you can either go on an awesome honey moon or buy a new awesome pc because u didnt spend 10 000 on all those guests which hopefully if your a big gamer , dont exist to begin with. I find that gamers probably have real friends as in, 1-4 really close ppl rather than those reeeeeeeaalllly social people who have hundreds of friends, dont know half their names and just remember buying lots of alcohol for them
January 29th, 2009 at 6:17 am
sometimes when playing games I get real mad, instead of slamming the controller I now go out back and hit golf balls.
libertarian-american.com
January 29th, 2009 at 5:39 am
@jester: you just shot yourself by employing some freak of nature sentence structure… but nice try buddy.
@Dr. Awesome MD: sorry mate, schiavo is already taken…. by me^^
January 29th, 2009 at 5:38 am
the nerd picture looks like moose sitting down behind his hot new pc after a furious fapping session
January 29th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Well, it is UCLA, what do you expect?
January 29th, 2009 at 5:07 am
I find it immensely amusing that the people who read the entire article and clearly understood it then posted walls of text either explain or decry the science behind the article claim to be gamers themselves. I think the intelligent responses (and responders) to this article disprove it in and of themselves.
~For I am the Jester; The parody of all humanity and the Truthsayer~
January 29th, 2009 at 4:06 am
I’m an avid reader, and am very proficient with technology, I don’t think video games are the cause of all this crap. People are just getting less intelligent XD
January 29th, 2009 at 3:27 am
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Fuckin fagnoobs
January 29th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Too late, your mom’s taken (by me).
January 29th, 2009 at 2:54 am
My holy Jeshua, if that’s the face of brain damage I want to meet the chick who could be classified as catatonic and fucking brain dead… and then sex the HELL out of her!
January 29th, 2009 at 2:33 am
1 - I’ve *GOT* to get me some of that brain damage up there.
2 - “srry i dont like faggs who try to fuck on gamers”
Me neither. Damn homos always climbing all over me fucking each other while I’m trying to get that next Halo achievement.
January 29th, 2009 at 1:48 am
First!
January 29th, 2009 at 1:48 am
FIRST!!!1!
January 29th, 2009 at 1:29 am
mhwahahaha this is the biggest bullshit i EVER heard of,
what you are saying is that 80% of my school ( 2000 students ) has social problems? now way, I think that in the time you made this i had more contact with ( real life afcorse ) people then you had in youre entire life,
srry i dont like faggs who try to fuck on gamers,
January 29th, 2009 at 1:27 am
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 1:26 am
It’s possible that people who are already dealing with these issues are more into video games… Video games themselves are not bad at all - it’s the people with the bad qualities that exacerbate the assumed “problems”…
January 29th, 2009 at 1:19 am
So, are you telling me I got implants because I played five minutes of Grand Theft Auto before realizing I was brain damaged and stopped? Do you think my insurance will cover them then?
January 29th, 2009 at 1:18 am
that poor self esteem one is bullshit and social dysfunction isnt caused by videogames. social misfits turn to videogames when society rejects them. thats what I did lol
January 29th, 2009 at 1:18 am
Am I some sort of mutant gamer girl, then? I’m better at most games than most of my guy friends. Or maybe they just suck. The world may never know.
Also I still like my body. >>
Then again, I’m secretly an alien anyways, sooo…
January 29th, 2009 at 1:10 am
Wow, one would think in #3 that they only studied games that involve competition, like sports games and FPSs, and not, say RPGs or puzzle games because if I don’t have a vagina, then why does my crotch bleed, and if I’m not addicted, then why was I up til 5 last night playing Puzzle Quest? And the night before that playing FFXII? And the night before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and the night before that playing, uh, video games. Damn you, inner genitalia, you should have been an outie!
January 29th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Heh……. Actually I suffer from every single thing listed on this page. Maybe they’re on to something. My gamertag is Oinkness on XBL — hit me up. XD I’m a level 26 Bosmer
January 29th, 2009 at 1:05 am
It’s funny that “their neurology doesn’t house the same desire to conquer” is apparently an insult to women, because when I read that I went “ha! Suck it, dudes!”
Plus, who would sleep with string theory anyway? It’s like the three-dollar-whore of unified field theories.
January 29th, 2009 at 1:04 am
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 29th, 2009 at 12:50 am
Vegetarian Love - PETA’s controversial new sex-with-vegetables ad with naked hotties!
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f1649b553212e0b61731&page=3&viewtype=&category=mr
January 29th, 2009 at 12:49 am
I have read the study that was done in Kansas University,
first of all the article that featured it was about 2 or 3 paragraphs long,
second of all this is how they did their research:
- Asked them how they felt about the body before the game
- Played a game of Wrestlemania 2000 on the N64 for 15 mins ( I’m surprised that was the most available resource in 2008 )
- Asked them what they thought about their bodies AFTER the game
How credible is that? And I’m surprised Cracked didn’t say anything that a bunch of teenagers felt bad about their bodies after they saw a bunch of N64 POLYGONS!
http://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/dec08/videogame122308.html
January 29th, 2009 at 12:35 am
FUK U U FAGGOY N00B! U SUK AND THIS ARTICLE SUKSS!!! U R A NOOB AND YOU ARE JELUS OF REEAL GAMERS!! YOU ARE TOO LAME TO PLAY THE XBOX AND YOU ARE A FAGGIT!! U ONLY MAK FUN OF HALO BECUZ U R A NOOB AND U THINK ITS COOL!!
January 29th, 2009 at 12:08 am
So Basically Nintendo has been right all along.
Lets see:
5) Body Image: I’m not likely to have this issue when I’m comparing myself to an overweight plumber and an effeminate elf wearing a green tunic
4) Male PMS: The lack of violent games that leads others to label the wii as ‘casual’ is actually saving us from an epidemic of male PMS and soiled Levi’s. Then again, I can get REALLY upset playing Boom Blox
3) Addiction: I suppose its possible with nintendo games, but at least you’re addicted to something that requires using more than your thumbs. But most nintendo games are so spastic and short lived its probably hard to become that dependent on them.
2) Speech Impediments. Since Nintendo has only recently allowed online chat in their games and usually encourages real life interaction with people in the same room, hopefully all those stuttering nerds will be ridiculed enough that they seek help for their affliction. I’m joking.
1) Social Disfunction: See above. The lack of an online community and the encouragement of real life interactions will hopefully aid social development in some small way.
So there you have it folks, the Nintendo Wii is the best gaming system for your health. And you heard it on the the Internet, second-hand from the comment section of an article in a comedy site, so you know that’s irrefutable.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:05 am
@Rogue1stclass: Isn’t there a nearly topless image of Venus de Milo near the beginning of the article?
No? Eh. Still doesn’t stop me from staring at it.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Brockway, that last paragraph was brilliant. Well, particularly that paragraph. The whole article was awesome really.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
He’d rather eat…
the rotten asshole
of a roadkill skunk then, down it with beer.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
“This just in! A bunch of half-assed studies found somethings that support society’s norms!”
You do realize there are just as many studies backing Video Games as there are working against them right?
Sure too much of ANYTHING is bad (That’s for figuring that one out for us ~_~), but honestly just because people in general play them doesn’t prove anything bad is actually happening to people.
Fun Fact:
Correlations do not show causation.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
damn that sounds like they all hate video games. well, i guess they were all sheltered as a child, you know the kind that live in bubbles and love jesus to an extreme.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I like the face of brain damage
January 28th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
i second that, whole heartily, GOD DAM IT
January 28th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
goddammit.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
two hundred twenty FIRST!!!!
ahahahaahahaaa n00bs!!!1!!1!!
January 28th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
“For those of you who aren’t gamers, Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers.”
Hey, man! I actually have Tourette’s Syndrome, so that offends me!
…
How dare you compare me to an average teenager on Xbox Live!
January 28th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
This is very similar to the kind of thinking that killed off the Gold Age of Comics back in the 50s. Some elder intellectual, who has no problem at all having kids read The Illiad complete with the descriptions of spear-to-bladder impalements or seeing the Venus de Milo in her topless glory, will object to some modern entertainment form as being too violent or sexual. Then they come up with all kinds of studies and theories wherein they prove they are right and this new trash will destroy the world’s youth.
The thing of it is, not one of the studies above has proven anything about video games. Numbers 5 & 4 apply to non-video game activities also, #3 only works if you use the diluted form of the word “addiction” that does not include physical dependancy, and 1 & 2 show corralation, not causation, which begs the question of whether the subjects conditions lead them to video games and not the reverse. A kid who stutters is probably gonna feel more comforatable playing with his non-judgmental 360 than with that asshole neighbor who keeps making him say “That’s all, Folks”.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
what’s considered social awkwardness though? i have tons of friends, male and female, everyone almost always likes me, but for the life of me, i can’t spit game at girls for shit.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Threats - execution = useless.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
AH SHIT ITS THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD!
January 28th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
CholoGrande:
He does have deeper issues that I’m not at liberty to discuss, but I can’t force him into therapy. My parents can though, but they won’t. They insist he doesn’t need therapy no matter what I say. My parents SHOULD take away his video games since he’s failing some of his classes, and they do say if he fails anything, his video games go away, but he’s failed quite a few things, and the video games are still there. I have brought that up with my mother, but she got really mad. The look on her face said “don’t you DARE tell me how to raise my kid!” So yeah… Baby brother’s hopeless… And if he read your last comment (after explaining what “wean” means), he’d laugh. Seriously, no joke. *shakes head sadly* I wanna stay outta it since it’s none of my business, but I just can’t! Especially since it’s so easy to get help!
January 28th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I graduated with a 2.7..i was proud. I could have done better, but my mind was more into girls and extracurricular things back then.
but dont rag on people for having a lower gpa, that just makes you sound stupid and uneducated.
The internet is about communication, not insulting every person you consider a noob or fag. How the hell do you know they are a noob or fag?
noob should fall out of use i think. Everyone pretty much knows how to use the internet anyways.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Summer,
Everyone has the potential to be “addicted” to something, so to think that your brother’s obsession is due to some inherent quality of video games is a bit naive. Coming from someone with a degree in Psychology, it sounds to me like your brother has some deeper issues, be it developmental or merely social. Millions of people have grown up playing video games and still lead well-adjusted lives. I’m a prime example: I played video games constantly when I was younger, yet now I have two advanced degrees and live a normal well-adjusted life. It’s a shame that your brother is the exception to the rule. It would be wise to have your brother see someone professionally to deal with the issue and help wean him off of his obsession with games.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
who needs videogames when we have drugs, liquor and the media to alter our perceptions and passify any remaining ambitions or passions. even if all this were completely valid who cares?
any gamer who is not ALREADY retarded knows generally how this habit will impact him, physically or otherwise.
as for social awkwardness-! i read sociology books, self help and professional text and with great communication skills and a flawless appearance, still find trouble connecting.
oh, and i do not game, it’s a waste of time.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
The real question, I think is this:
Are nerds nerdy because they interact with technology, or do they choose to interact with technology because they are nerdy? Seriously, I have always wondered.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
“What the fuck is this thing?”
wow, that made my day, nay, all the time since i last leveled in wow. or from the time i pwnd that n00b in cod5.
… im begining to see how ’social dysfunction’ can be an offset of video games. (still, wonderful article guys!)
January 28th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
This is for the kid in the poor self esteem example: your problems don’t stem from the fact that you don’t look like Ryu. I’d say it all started when you put on that Alf shirt in the morning.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I dunno dude, I been playing video games for 30 years and I love them!
RT
http://www.total-privacy.us.tc
January 28th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Shackler: you’re still a C student who, by your own logic and description, is either a fat short kid with no friends or someone who has a totally warped sense of reality.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
It’s all about the Moderation, Drinking is not a problem if done in moderation. In Australia we have a Gambling ad for people with problems that simply goes ‘lets take the problem out of Gambling’
I play mostly the Xbox360 so I understand how bad some kids on MP get, in fact I stopped playing halfway through my first free month because I just could not stand the idiots. I use the computer to play games online because it’s free and I have more people I can play with.
I lived with a game addict back in 2007 as his roommate, he barely showered and his best insults were ‘noob’ and other pathetic game slang which is barely offensive online and in reality is just plain sad.
The only girls he could pickup was Sluts at the local nightclub, because he barely ate he managed to avoid the weight problems of most gamers and because he was Goth he has ready access to pretty easy girls (no offense to Goths, just my experience with Goths…)
Seriously this guy was a Goth Tranny when he wasnt gaming, imagine going to get something to eat in country Australia with a guy wearing a skirt and such. His self-esteem problems went along the line that he had to get people to pay attention to him either in a positive or negative way.
I think I avoid most of the above problems because I force myself to socialize because I am always been awkward in social situations, I read and write all the time. I don’t have low-self esteem because if I wanted to run several miles then I would get in shape for it. I am not fat, if most a bit chubby.
I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 2 years, steady relationship which forced me to put gaming even further on the back burner.
If you just do it in moderation then you should be fine, best way to make sure is look at your priorities.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
So this is my first time commenting on Cracked, but I figured I would throw this in. I’m reading a book currently about comic books—that is, about public perceptions of the medium back through the 30’s and 40’s, I think as late as it goes is through the 50’s (I’m not finished reading it yet, so it could very well comment upon later perceptions of comic books). It’s an interesting comparison to the reception of comic books back then to the reception of video games today—namely, blaming that medium for all the evils and crimes of the youth. The only difference was then, crimes among youth was on the rise (a fact more likely related to difficult economic times and so many fathers being away at war), whereas now violent crime among youth, and if I remember correctly murder especially, is down significantly since the rise in popularity and reality of video games (1999+ is the only data I’ve seen on that). But yeah, it’s interesting to see how many similarities there are between public perceptions of both mediums, and especially now as we enter into similar conditions to the 30’s and 40’s (war going on, hard economic times…).
PS~I don’t read comics, but I do play video games. Depending on the week, it can range from not playing a single game to playing a lot, such as this week where class has been cancelled twice and my roommate recently got an XBox 360 and rented a game before we all got snowed in. Guess how much I’ve played Gears of War 2 in the last couple of days…
January 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Science is awesome
January 28th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
dont make fun fo xboxliev just cuz i pnwt you ololol onob!!!12
January 28th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
[...] Cracked has been kind enough to point out in how many ways games are making you into a socially dysfunctional rageholic! Well, a small price to pay right? [...]
January 28th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
[...] Cracked has been kind enough to point out in how many ways games are making you into a socially dysfunctional rageholic! Well, a small price to pay right? [...]
January 28th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
A 4.0 GPA isn’t much to brag about, hate to burst your bubble to. A GPA is a number, it doesn’t represent real understanding and comprehension, nor does it show the ability to exercise and use.
Some good stuff though. Maybe UCLA needs to get it’s professors to stop playing video games and start learning how to use those botched up pathways.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Turophiliac:
Avoid Nietzsche, or at least be sure you understand the source of his writings. He was a bitter little closet homosexual who did little else but project his inner turmoil upon the world around him, especially women. If you do insist on studying him, study him as a sad victim of the times he lived in, not as a philosophical authority. If old Fred lived in, say, San Francisco or Chelsea today, he would probably be a much happier (albeit relatively unknown) man.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I’ve been playing WoW for so long that I forgot what the sun looks like! For the love of god, help meee!
January 28th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
A 2.8 gpa is nothing to be proud of at all.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
shackler? I’ve never commented on here before, but i gotta say, a 2.8 gpa is nothing to be proud of unless you go to a top school in a top district and take all ap courses. And even then a 2.8 is damned pathetic to be bragging about.
and i hate to break it to you, but your hours of playing call of duty and whatever else aren’t going to help you out a whole lot in the long run.
and, your article is flawed. you start by stating that “i am a hardcore gamer… i spend all my free time on my computer or xbox…” and conclude with “Fat short kids with no friends play lots of games”. so are you saying you’re a fat short kid? what exactly was your comment trying to prove? Just, think before you type, and check before you post, to make sure you make any sense at all…
January 28th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
It is entertaining to see all the gamers get miffed about being called retarded. And I’d like to point out to those trying to defend themselves that this is a comedy site, not Scientific American. Complaining in the comments here is as useful as yelling at Jon Stewart about the recession.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
wah wah i’m a little 16 year old genius i read neitzsche wah wah
shut up all you little kids, i dont care what bowling team your on or how low your gpa is and how high your IQ is. i just wanted to see if video games were the reason for my erectile dysfunction.
-jimmyc
January 28th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Ummm… a 2.8 isn’t really that brag worthy. Sorry to burst your bubble.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I am 15 years old and play video games a lot. While I am introverted, I was like that before I ever started gaming. I am also a certified, albeit run of the mill, genius and the captain of the Scholastic Bowl Team (known here as the Nerd Troop). I am in Honors English and have read through the Odyssey, Iliad, To Kill A Mockingbird, and am about two-thirds of the way through Thus Spake Zarathustra (Nietzsche), among other books. I have been looking into the video game issue for some time, and I think that I and my fellow Scholastic Bowl friends (much like me, but they have had the sense to stay away from Cracked Blogs) are the group that science does not look at. In my opinion, the level of mental weaknesses of the test subjects were exacerbated by heightened levels of chemicals the body produces that inhibit the ability to pay attention to one thing at a time or sit still for an extended period of time.
Also, if I came across as a pretentious little twerp, that is my actual personality when I write,and I have no earthly idea why that is.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
“Can you tell me why you like pWning n00bs, in your big boy words?”
that made me choke on my drink. well done, sir!
January 28th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Translation: scientists blowing money on game research can eat ALL of the dicks.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I say most of the news that comes out of the media and science community concerning gaming is total crap.
I am a hardcore gamer, on Xbox 360 and PC, and i happen to be rather well-liked, ridiculously fluent (most of my vocabulary baffles my peers),
i have a 2.8 GPA, and i am 16.
i spend all of my spare time on my computer or my xbox, and i never study, but i have never fought, never talked back to my parents, i have a predisposition to unending loyalty, and have (amazingly) never spoken a curse word.
i can just see the posts calling me a liar on that last point.
but i mainly play Team Fortress 2, Call of duty 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, Fable 2, and gears of war.
i have never been compelled to shoot anyone who didnt have it coming.
to summer, your brother is obsessed, and he likely has either a singular purpose behind his actions, or he was born stupid.
what goes around comes around, and he wont have his games forever. Right now, hes having loads of fun, but down the road he will regret it.
I find that everyone involved in the media regarding gaming is more or less corrupt. I want nothing more than to see all of the scientists spend research money on something helpful than waste such large amounts of money on something gamers themselves have already proven.
What have we proven? Fat short kids with no friends play lots of games.
but then again, this is the comments section to a comedy article.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I’m going outside. Thanks Robert!
January 28th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Couldn’t…understand….your…post….it doesn’t….make…sense….
Is it just me, or are my frontal lobes throbbing right now?
January 28th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
How often does this happen? - I can actually say that was an interesting article. It was funny, don’t get me wrong. But I thought it was genuinely interesting, as well.
Part of me wants to agree with all those studies, but a bigger part of me says “so what?” These disorders have been with us for as long as recorded history! Look at how various notables were described by their contemporaries - genius, but socially useless. A great leader, but very eccentric. You see these kinds of patterns over and over throughout history.
Video games provide a way to keep certain people happy who otherwise might be out causing problems. The downside is that they also keep awkward-feeling geniuses occupied, denying them the great achievements they could be making.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
I was totally going to textually shout the Halo line, but then I realized at least fifteen people would have beaten me to it already and made the conscious decision to refrain.
I feel so much better about myself.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
CORRECTION!
DOWN there. Not up there. DOWN there.
And now there’s two of them.
btw, did I mention that I, sir, are f-ing ridiculous?
January 28th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Geezus Reb, now Moose is going to use his Level 3 Oden Spell of Grammar Wrath and….hahahaha….shit, I couldn’t even finish that sentence without laughing! I, sir, am f-ing ridiculous.
Cut the kid a break, would ya? You may be right, I’m not going to argue that…but shite, that’s like correcting a 3 year old because they said, “I fwee yeas owd.”
No no honey, it’s “I am three years old. How are you doing this fine day? Do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?”
^Grammar Nazi up there.^
January 28th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
What kind of bullshit reasoning is that? “Men’s territorial and dominating impulses are activated with video games. The same response is not seen in women. Therefore, women do can not like video games.” Perhaps they didn’t want to think that women can like video games for other reasons. For example, their frontal lobes, responsible for problem solving and decision making, are larger than a man’s and as such may receive more stimulation from the virtual situations in video games.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Damn it. Reb beat me to it.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
fags
January 28th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
moose - You should have said articulate, not well-articulated.
lol@the kids getting their asses chafed because they think this article is insulting them, and the twenty-something gamers feeling the need to explain how well-adjusted they are.
Grow up, people. If you were as secure as you claim to be you wouldn’t be trying to justify yourselves to the internet.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Actually “well articulated” is incorrect … you are either “well-spoken” or “articulate” … but the fact that a 16-year-old gamer got that far in a comment on a CRACKED blog is impressive nonetheless.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
My first video game was Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun. In retrospect, at 9 (or whatever age it was) I probably didn’t get the nuances of a post-apocalyptic world struggling for resources, but then again I think that I’ve grown up to be fairly well-adjusted.
Oh, and before I throw in my two cents, I’d like to say that I studied psychology, because apparently I need that for validation or something (not a dig at Summer so much as a response to KDZ).
My personal belief is that a lot of video game ‘problems,’ so to speak, are the result of a combination of preexisting factors and the environment provided by the game, especially in multiplayer games. We like to blame violence on the violent games; I believe that it was preexisting violent tendencies that, perhaps, were triggered by the game. We like to blame insecurity on games; I believe that previously insecure people perhaps had HEIGHTENED insecurity because of the influence of the game.
Similarly, I would agree with KDZ that addiction to games isn’t the game’s fault any more than alcoholism is the beer’s fault.
Moving on.
I think that a lot of the bad attitude associated with games, especially multiplayer games, can be summed up perfectly well with a mention of the player-named hero in Age of Conan, or with the well-known Master Chief of Halo fame.
See, most video games are a (power) fantasy. More than that, they’re a fantasy that REVOLVE around the player as the titular or otherwise central character. In Age of Conan, a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, the vast majority of the early portion of the game is spent as the sole hero, without any influence from other players. Likewise, the (in my opinion, insipid, but I’m not here to argue about Halo) main plotline of Halo revolves around the player being Master Chief, the freaking invincible unstoppable hyper-testosteronized god soldier who can wtfpwn anything within a mile at will (an acquaintance once claimed that Master Chief was a more compelling character than Gordon Freeman, the theoretical physicist and main character of the Half-Life series, because he could “totally headshot Freeman from like 500 yards away.” But I digress). In both of these, then, the main character is suddenly thrown into a big online room with a whole bunch of other main characters who are used to being the center of the game universe. It’s a theory, but I think it could be a valid reason for a lot of the purported jackassery one faces in online gaming.
And, with my points on addiction to and attitude problems derived from video games made, I descend back into obscurity.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
This article, and at least 75% of the people that comment on them are fucking retarded.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I be mutha fuckin’ Reggie Jackson. My eyes ain’t been seein’ too good, but I can fuckin’ hit a bat a mile with a mutha fuckin’ baseball. Ah shit, what done did I just got through done sayin’? Shiiittt….I didn’t not mean hit a bat a mile with a baseball. A mile be like, what, 200 feet? Shiiiittt, I be hittin’ the bat 2 miles with a baseball. Maybe even 4.
January 28th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
@moose:
WOOHOO! Man it’s people like you that give me hope for the future!
No, not because of the whole video game crap.
Your spelling and grammar were impeccable in your post! Nice use of ‘articulated,” used the proper form of “it’s” and “their,” etc. Jolly good show young chap!
(lol…OK, I’m American…that was just fun to say)
Wait a minute…I’m praising a 16 year old because he knows how to spell and uses grammar correctly…as if that’s now the exception…ah shit, never mind. The world is going to hell!
January 28th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I’ve grown up playing video games so far (only 16) and I consider myself to be an intelligent, well articulated, and well liked kid. I’m not socially awkward or retarded and can speak english fine so I think it’s safe to say I’m either a freak or that these studies are extremely biased in that they only use extreme cases. I know kids like this who play tons of video games but when I say tons I mean like play all day and in all their free time.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Peace on Earth, good will toward men.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
@petegraph….you are dumb you dont need 20/20 vision to ply sports. fucking Reggie Jackson wore fucking glasses for fucking fuck’s sake!…FUCK!
January 28th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
@Summer:
The most telling part of your post:
“My dad never lets him get away with it, though he’s always at work.”
There’s more to this than the video games.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Summer,
I’m still inclined to think video games are not the problem. I have many similarities to your brother. I play video games all the time (I used to do it much more than I do now; I’ve had to cut back due to other things), and I’d probably play more if I didn’t have other obligations. I have a multitude of knives, swords, guns (real and fake), etc. I’ve got at least 20 different video game systems and plenty more games installed on my various computers I have laying around.
However, I’m very well spoken and decently well read, I love reading, I kept a 3.9 GPA all throug high school and college, I have a social life, and I have decent self-esteem. I’ve never been violent, I drive a car just fine, all that. My attendance record for anything is exemplory.
I think the problem lies in that there are some people who don’t need to be playing video games, the same as there are some people who don’t need to drink, some people who will never learn how to drive a car, some people who just can’t get in to card games, etc. It sounds to me like he has an addictive personality, and those kinds of people really have to be careful with what they do.
Just some thoughts, but I didn’t study Psychology, either.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
One hundred and sixty fourth!!1!
January 28th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Good on ya, Brockway. I was starting to think you were only good for finding weird pictures and turning into a human klaxxon whenever someone made a robot with a bigger gun. But this sarcastic incisive tirade is Swaimworthy (or at least Gladstonic).
January 28th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
firsts!!1!
January 28th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Well said Summer.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I wonder if it’s just because of me getting into a brand new relationship but that picture of Megan Fox makes me think she’s forgotten how to use ladders.
Also, the media is always quick to condemn realistically violent games, yet you never see them slamming God of War.
Or else fearing that their teenage WoW enthusiast children will go out and kill some prominent figure with their 2-handed battle sword and collect their head as a reward just because their level 35 Human Warrior did the exact same thing.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Greed:
Same here. I read more than I play video games.
Just wondering though, do any of these studies actually look at how other media affects lives, or are they all scared of new technology. Some people were scared when tv first came out and some books have been banned for no good reason except that they were different.
January 28th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
i have been playing violent videogames my entire life i am almost 18 and i have never hurt/killed any1. and cracked wins today because of megan fox
January 28th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
wordpuncher, ur a fag n ill pwn ur n00b a$$ in haloz~
January 28th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
As a Psychology major, and someone who has a little brother addicted to video games, I feel that I should put in my two cents about this matter (not that two cents would by me anything, but that’s not the point!)
ANYWAY, my little brother is 16 years old (gonna be 17 in a few weeks). Currently, he has, in his room, a TV and a computer. Hooked up to his TV are a game cube, an Xbox, Xbox 360, a PS2, an N64, and we have a Wii and PS3 downstairs in the basement (that he plays all the time). He also has a few portable gaming systems like a PSP, Game Boy, GBA (the last two he doesn’t use anymore), and a Nintendo DS.
If he had his way, he would be at the computer or playing one of the games all day and night. His grades are very, very low (his GPA last year in 10th grade was a 1.9, no lie) and he only does his homework when my parents make him (even then he doesn’t do his homework correctly; just putting down whatever the hell he wants). He also NEVER reads, which has really taken a toll on him. We were once playing a game where you have to read something off of a card, and he couldn’t read most of the words there like “honest” or whatever it was, but it was a word someone his age should be able to read…
Reading this article makes me think of him. He has little to no self-esteem, doesn’t want to make friends, has NO social life, nor does he want one (the last two interfere with his gaming time), doesn’t try in school, complains of the teeniest things so he won’t have to go to school (my mother should know to make him go to school even if he does have a headache. I went to school with migraines before. He’ll live! My dad never lets him get away with it, though he’s always at work). My brother does have speech problems. He stutters horribly, and talks like a deep-voiced child. His vocabulary is very limited and he doesn’t understand that some (“bigger”) words are synonyms to smaller words (ecstatic for instance).
Lastly, I’m not gonna get too much into this (I know you all are praising the Lord right now), but the games he plays. Games like Grand Theft Auto (three or four… whichever it is…) He doesn’t have his permit yet (partly cause studying interferes with his gaming), and he says he knows how to drive because of that game. Um, slight problem: don’t you kill people in those games? I’ve never played it, or seen it played, but that’s what I’ve heard… and skills in video games don’t equal skills in real life. I have my license and I can’t steer the Mario Kart go-karts to save my life! Also, there are more violent games he plays which slightly worries me cause he has three swords, a few knives, a BB gun, throwing stars, and a few other things… and he acts homicidal and suicidal… and my parents thing there’s nothing wrong with that…
End note: I will admit I’m addicted to the computer, but I know where to set my priorities. I do most, if not all, of my schoolwork before going on the computer. Just saying! And for those of you who’ve read this whole thing through, I must say I’m impressed! I just HAVE to rant sometimes; why not rant right here? I LOVE CRACKED.COM! ^_^
January 28th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Can’t science ever find something positive to research, things that’ll actually change people’s lives for the better? Nobody is going to swear off gaming because some university did a study.
I’ve seen tonnes of people who play video games, and are able to do anything statistically normal people can do in a social atmosphere, its not the games, but rather, the idiots who play them, if you have a social retard with lazy parents (I’m looking at you especially Gen-Xers), a shitty educational system and an anti-intellectual society (people need to stop thinking of being smart as a bad thing) it doesn’t matter if they game or not, you’ll end up with a bully or an “eXt3m3 G4m3R!!1″ (read: 13 year old on Xbox Live who thinks calling people “fags” is the epitome of wit).
January 28th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
f***t
January 28th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Dear Comments Section,
tl;dr
Ha! I have always wanted to do that to you motherfuckers.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I read all the time, just finished a few books the past couple of weeks, and I also LOVE videogames and the internet. I guess I’m just different, because I’m also very talkative and like socializing.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Great as always Mr. Brockway.
Is it that time of the year already? the blame-videogames-bullshit?
I miss the day when parents did their fucking jobs.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I am a homosexual, so I hereby submit myself towards counting for the dozen Fags category
January 28th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
my friend ben shall kill me now, cuz ur right.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Thanks for crediting me. =) Cheers.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
*esteem
January 28th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Oh, and poor self-seseem comes from all over, definately not just in games.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Science is just jealous of my skills, hawhawhaw!
January 28th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I agree with the people who said that some of these things could also be said about the internet. My family didn’t get a computer until I was twelve, and since then I don’t think I can recall a day when I haven’t been on one unless I was grounded.
I’m sure both the internet and video games are hurting reading in some way. My brother’s not stupid (he actually got way better grades than me throughout school) but he’s been playing video games since we were really little and the only actual books I’ve seen him read were for school and/or strategy guides.
So, probably not a connection between games and him being able to read so much as games and his disinterest in reading.
January 28th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
FAGGIN N00BS!!!!!
January 28th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
MEGAN FOX!
January 28th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I blame science it makes the shit then tells us it bad for us. Just like doctors and heroin. Well they are both wrong and i will prove it.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP, N00bz!!!11
January 28th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
January 28th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
People here are responding seriously to jokes. Why? All it does is get you pissed off. Why waste the energy? Everyone just needs to calm down.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
NO WAI!
It has to be CGI!
w w w .y o u t u b e.c o m/watch?v=DWDyoO42qIw
January 28th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Although KingB408 makes a valid point, there is a lot about this article that just oozes truth.
Take my neighbor for instance, the 24 year old who still lives at home and can only find topics of discussion interesting if they are pertaining to Xbox, Xbox related paraphernalia, or UFC fight night. He has a hard time reading sarcasm and simple gestures, especially gestures signaling that I no longer have any desire to talk about video games and would like to go inside because its below zero and my cigarette has gone down to the filter.
Or better yet . . .
How about my cousin, whose brain is beginning to melt due to the fact his parents take no interest in his leisure activities, which involve video games, video games, and computer games. Yes in all fairness no one wants to socialize at family outings (which is when I see him), but the poor bastard is the meager age of 6 and is shoved in the basement with a Wi to keep him occupied. I try out of basic human compassion to talk to him about anything, such as sports (although he is on to my lack of knowledge regarding the subject. . . that gluttonous cow Madden taught him every thing he has every needed to know about scrimmage lines and what have you), and the little shit can only talk about how he had a running riot in Halo 3. Which I guess is a human achievement considering I can’t walk foreword in that game without needing some form of vomit sack or motion sickness pills.
Yes, I will agree the parents are to blame, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that these kids are now raised on a style of media that promotes aggression, violence, and semi retarded spelling techniques involving capitols and words spelled with numbers.
I mean hell lets be honest here, even the smartest kid in the world can figure out social skills and interactions. I know lots of nerds who can break the mold and at least handle sunlight or basic human contact with women (or men). We are almost dawning on an age of super nerd, but not like a nerd with robot hands and the ability to play a guitar through an amplifier that shoots him through his house disregarding any physical injury or hearing loss. . .looking at you Marty McFly. . . No, we are dawning on an age of super nerd that can’t understand what is appropriate and what is just contrived dribble from video games.
You know that kid in your class, the one who makes the inappropriate family guy joke at every given opportunity, or the kid that compares everything to a gaming experience? Of course you do! I fail to see how this is not a negative construct in our society. I will not bash video games, they are a technological marvel, creative, their own art form, promote hand eye coordination, and can be a ton of fun. But this article targets the abusers of said art, and its a negative decline socially.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Researchers always find something wrong with violent video games because they want to find something wrong with video games. It always amazes me when a study says video games raise our heart rate and make us really competitive. So what about football? Why is that ok? Seriously, shouldn’t we ban football? If video games make you more inclined towards violence, at least they don’t allow you to become strong enough to throw an effective punch.
A lot of these studies remind me of the older studies that linked marijuana use to the sudden urge for minorities to rape white women.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
DP13:
Gaming makes your hand eye coordination better.
However, looking at a screen for extended periods of time is not good for youreyesight.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Lawrence: http://pyxelated.deviantart.com/art/Reality-1024×768-25788560
Speaking of which, did you get permission to use that, Brocky?
January 28th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I’m just going to go ahead and put it out there that video games aren’t the cause of the world’s ills. I will also say that I think that when you choose to interact with technology instead of people, it leaves you ill-equipped to deal with social situations.
And to the contrary, books are far from being the opposite of video games. How many times did your mom tell you to put down the book and go outside? That was roughly half my childhood.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Copacetic: Actually, video games can help your vision.
I read a study a while back that said people who play video games were better at picking items out of a crowd (I-Spy or Where’s Waldo style) than people who didn’t play video games. It doesn’t sound that impressive when I say Where’s Waldo, but I guess a better way to put it is that games make people more aware.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Hey Nathaniel, in the United States Theatre and Theater describe two different things. The former describes a place where you watch live performances such as plays and the latter describes a place where you watch movies. I guess you guys call it a “cinema”. Anyways it’s “out” not “put”. And in case you’re wondering why I’m posting anonymously on here it’s because I don’t like signing into my account and not because I’m a troll. My name is Daniel and I live in SC BAM no anonyminity there! Also I’m not talking smack I just wanted to make some clarifications and you’re probably awesome.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Suck my balls, cockfucker.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I actually enjoy the “FIRST!!!1!” tradition. Mainly because the person saying it usually isn’t first.
Take this article for example. Heloooo was not first.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
OK, let’s see how I can mix up a shitstorm here…
But these video game studies never take into account how the world is. The world is changing. Society is changing. Communication is changing. Therefore these studies are based on baselines that have been established using methods that might be, frankly, outdated at this point.
Think of it this way…say, for instance, Mind Control Technology becomes the norm within the next decade. You know those kids that these studies are talking about? What if they are absolute WIZARDS at using this new technology? And those that do things the old way, i.e. reading books, now find themselves way behind the times in terms of technological advancements, especially in the workplace?
That’s just a random, shotty example…but my point being is that I don’t think we’re going to know the answer for quite some time…we are seeing innovations and advancement in technology at an absolutely ASTOUNDING rate right now…and I really don’t think we’re going to know what we’re doing or what it’s doing to kids until maybe a decade down the road (if not longer), when society as a whole will be more balanced, and we are able to look back and see what did and didn’t work.
Maybe we’ll find out that jokers who post actual, real, debatable thoughts on Comment Boards are the most retarded of them all…
January 28th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
It’s funny how when someone says anything bad about people who play video games (the people on this site), everyone is like “Nah, that’s not real science, that’s bullshit”.
But when they make an article called “The year geeks took over” (the geeks would be you ofc), everyone is like “YEAH, THATS’S SOOO TRUE, WE PWN!!!!”.
Fagshitfuckers.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
lolol!!11! t412 w@2 sup34 1337.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I’m loving all the comments saying “everyone is an obsessive gamer shut-in except me” or “none of this is true, shut up, video games actually help develop your mind”.
Compared to the analytical and comprehension skills you acquire from actual schoolwork or personal reading (either literature or teaching yourself something), video games offer only entertainment. Nothing more. Which is fine, absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as people remember that and don’t treat it as anything more (I’m looking at you, dude who shot another dude over a Starcraft game).
January 28th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
j-Rizzle Says:
January 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
“I get exhausted and anxious when I’ve spent too much time around people.”
Agreed.
I don’t play many video games (cause I’m a girl, LOL) But I know a lot of this can be applied to the internet in general. I discovered the internet at age 8 and never looked back, becoming the obese, lonely girl with extreme self-esteem issues today. Hooray internet!!
January 28th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
good eanough??
January 28th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
tulipanar vaxa í neðan jarða hallo shit fock halo is the best nub nub frub mok mok mok lolololol let me do something like ~~~over the sea and eat seagul’s for breakfast~~~over~~~to~~~~me~~~lol~~~never stopping~~~ERROR~~~ERROR~~~no servers on longroad RPG~~~w00t`~~~nothing is special about halo u are all som lame computer fagotts nolife pice of shit so go get some water drink it pie it drink it pie it shake it lick it than go play some real games like hide and seek or apple thief i am not some fagot that eats pancakes and pimp fuck shit wanabe spicegirls i cant breath ~~~~just go fuck your self heil :L útileikir
January 28th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I wonder if any of these studies considered affinity to video games as a side effect of someone who is already socially/ intellectually inept as opposed to a cause. In my experience as a college student who has read/ heard about a number of psych reasearch and theories currently going on at the collegiate level, I’ve noticed that many of them tend to find correlations, such as people who play video games often show signs of social dysfunction, and then draw conclusions that aren’t necessarily warranted, such as playing video games CAUSES social dysfunction. I may just be overly skeptical of psychology reasearch studies… but I’m thinking not so much.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
That seriously explains why my husband is a total asshole after playing Call of Duty 4. On the other hand, I’ve found playing Halo 3 online is one hell of a PMS reliever for chicks. I always feel better after a killing frenzy or two.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
i dont like niggers no sury:(
January 28th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
nab for tulipnostro i like turtles ftw let me shake ur &%$# bye i had a good talk
January 28th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
The whole “first” “Halo fag” Joke got old after the first 2 times.
It was only funny the second time because it was me.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
STFU FAG! HALOP IS TEH SEX AND I IZ A GOD AT UR MUM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
also FIRST!!!!11!!1!!!1!1!!1!!!one!!!eleven
this article made me lol
January 28th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
So playing Halo causes PMS? I guess this explains why some guys I know are bigger bitches than most girls.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Furst!!!!11! STFU ABOUT HALOP! fag!
Here you go =0
January 28th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
I like fun! I’m British!
Notice the distinct lack of spelling mistakes.
Also, this is a good article, and I have to agree with some of the points, especially the one about speech impediments, I started to get worried when I found put a lot of the kids in my class could hardly read.
Finally, colour is the best word ever, just behind theatre and centre.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Oh Erin, Brockway didn’t say all that… It’s fucking science
January 28th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
This is probably my favorite article of yours so far. Awesome.
Also, violent video games are proven to add PMS hormones? Oh jeez. I wonder if they have the same effect on women who are already PMS. (There’s some joke to be made here, but I’ll be damned if I can find it. I leave that up to you.)
January 28th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Oooorrr…women’s “neurology doesn’t house the same desire to conquer” because we already rule the world! Bwahahahah*ahem*.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
So when does Bucholz’s dead father show up, Crowbahr?
Or is this not a heartwarming classic about a blogger and the mysterious commenters who show up on his blog?
-A.
January 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I’ll just call this pseudo-science and leave it at that, save #1 and #5. I’ll leave the insane internet tough-guy posturing to the guys and the uber-feminist rantings to the other girls. I don’t want to get involved with that s***-fest.
I’ve been playing video-games from the age of three, and I am yet to see any real damage it has caused me. The social stigma and idiocy of my peers when they discover that I’ve played video games that long has done far more damage than any video game ever has. If anything, video-games have done nothing but increase my bust-size and given me a healthy respect for space marines.
And the rest of you ladies out there, stop complaining about it and just prove them wrong. You’re feeding the trolls.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Yep, exactly…
its not just the British scientists who hate fun,
its all British people especially me
January 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
“it’s probably just that they don’t have the evolutionary instinct to dominate that men have from the early human days of killing a female’s young so that they can mate with them, killing rival males in view of other challengers, and the like.” women also have a very good reason not to worry about dominating online, its called pussy whippin us guys
January 28th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Funny, I was under the impression that most obsessive game players were introverts anyways. I know I am. I get exhausted and anxious when I’ve spent too much time around people.
At least with online gaming I can interact with others without needing a nap.
All though, the whole reading thing makes sense. Kids don’t read apart from Harry Potter unless they are forced too.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
03g wtf3ck zomg !!zomg!! Teha intrenetz ix makingg me stoopid oh noess!!12
January 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
zing!not the best thing to compare yourself to satsuki
January 28th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I’m female. I like video games. I think I can be just as socially handicapped as all of those other guys. Wait….
January 28th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
YuKi is actually a 42 year old fat guy with a skin condition!
January 28th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
If you write it, they will comment.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
i dont know which type of person i hate more. the type that actually believe they are cool or whatnot for being first, or the lame fools that decide that, “hey, this article set me up for a joke! that last little bit made it so that i can put the word first!!! in the 78th position and i think that it is still funny even tho i know that the previous 77 comments probably have one part of that last part of the article in them somewhere!”
January 28th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Shut the fuck up, Erin. He didn’t say women can’t be addicted to video games.
Now that I think about it, he was spot on in that last bit, though. You didn’t actually read it did you? You saw him make a joke about why women are less likely to enjoy video games and you decided he was telling you you can’t do something.
You are an idiot.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
first!!1!
January 28th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
some people can’t understand sarcasm, i guess
January 28th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
“It took me about 5 readings to realize that Brockway is using the word “game” as a verb”
Game is often used as a verb. ‘Gamer’ looks to me like a noun that got turned into a verb that then got turned into a noun. Bad example. ‘Gaming’, there one.
And quite a few American scientists come to Britain for greater freedom of research, so #2 -could- have involved American scientists.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Erin’s angry because she fails at Halo too.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Hey Casey, this is the deal on reading comp:
The issue is long haul versus short. A book has a linerer, start to finish, quality, especially children’s lit which is short. It creates a whole picture to evaluate and absorb and, generally speaking, there’s only one way to go - beginning to end. Websites are not meant to be processed as a whole. Think about it, how often to you look at EVERYTHING on a particular website (including ads and archives). It teaches one to dismiss certain pieces of data as irrealivant.
So what’s so bad about that? Timing in brain development. Comprehension is best developed by learning first to understand meaning with a whole piece, and then later learning how to find and sort smaller pieces of info to create meaning. Second is much harder without the first. And if one isn’t taught to deal with whole works of literature when those are small, what are they going to do when they get older and have to deal with a large piece of literature?
Pardon my rambling, just sick of teenagers who can’t read.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I never knew video games were so horrible…..
January 28th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Women can’t be addicted to video games? I can’t wait to tell my everybody! I was never addicted to countless games in the past because I have no desire to succeed!
It all makes sense now. Thank you Robert. Not just for showing me the way, but for being brave enough to finally stand up and say “fuck women, they’re stupid”. It hasn’t been said in too long. You’re not beating a dead horse at all.
Asshole.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I would have to look up the news article again, but the man who started the world’s first “Videogame rehab” clinic (over in Germany I believe but I could be wrong) has changed his opinion on videogame addiction. In all cases that have came to his clinic in the last two years, he found none exhibited symptoms correlating to direct addiction but all had underlying social/behavioral problems instead. He believes its these social dysfunctions that drive people to playing obsessive levels of videogames, which goes to disprove the theory of videogame addiction…… This was just something that was interesting to me that I thought I should share.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
first halo fag haha it says that in the article has anyone else made that joke lol
January 28th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
screw videogames, check out megan fox, dayum, only reason this article deserves a 1000% rating
January 28th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Very funny, Brockway. You write very well. 4-5 very good laughs there.
Choke,
Ho
January 28th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
fag
January 28th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
S3C0ND!!2!
January 28th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!1!
January 28th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B!!!
January 28th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
what ever the game is shit can get ridiculously intense. but i certainly feel much more relaxed after gunnin some hoes down on call of duty compared to mario kart
January 28th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
IF YOU LIKE BEING ENTERED UP THE RECTAL SHAFT GO TO http://WWW.HOMOSEX.COM
January 28th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
stfu1 i liek xboxl ive!
January 28th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Violent Video games help relax you because subconsciously those fatalities and “teabags” you are doing in the game, you actually want to do in real life. Were as Mario Kart, your just bad at it and it frustrates you, sorry.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I think that the scientists in this article are the type that aren’t actually interested in science, discovery, or even making an (dis)honest buck, but the ones that think that most “science” (pop culture science) is just a way to portray yourself as superior in public and throw bullshit around while acting like a posh dick (HINT: I’m talking about fucking pop fucking psychologists.)
I hate myself for taking the time to type -pop psychologist- and pop culture science.
I read the entire comment section.
I am a true masochist.
Yay.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Speaking of reading comprehension, in #3, this sentence confused the shit out of me:
“They discovered that the Mesocorticolimbic Center (an area of the brain tied to reward and addiction,) was stimulated much more in men that GAME by putting a series of players into an MRI machine…”
And it wasn’t confusing due to big words. It took me about 5 readings to realize that Brockway is using the word “game” as a verb. Maybe it’s me, but that seems an odd choice of words.
January 28th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
the 2nd picture for social dysfunction is boss right there.
i also believe i was told i could offer myself as a sex object. any takers?
January 28th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Hell, I’ll admit it, I learned to read from a combination of Final Fantasy on the NES and Sesame Street. Great parenting as far as I’m concerned, that. I’ve also got pretty good social skills, was the president in a club last year in college, and am studying abroad right now. I’ve played video games a crapload growing up and still do.
These gamer shut in dorks just need to stop sucking at life.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
FIST!!1!
January 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
totally BS. the opposite is true. games an internet are the best, and people who play/surf are the smartest.
how can someone who barely knows how to write a paper in msword talk about this stuff?
also, great picture for #3
January 28th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Well, the violent games/anger thing sounds convincing, but it doesn’t explain why violent games are relaxing to me, while every time I play mario kart I want to kill a fucking kitten.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
“I know she’s not looking at the comments section after her post, but for every one else’s benefit ScarletPirate was obviously one of those who didn’t read the article properly”
Nah. She’s just mad she sucks at Halo because she’s a girl.
Come on. You’re made to cook and put out. Not making head shots.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
We believe that television and movies are far superior to video games in all these aspects. Plus we’re whores.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Sadly I have come to this conversation at a point beyond which I could claim to be the primary poster, but I would like to take this opportunity to suggest that the author of this missive is of the homosexual persuasion, and that he should refrain in the future from discussing the video game Halo as he lacks the knowledge necessary to intelligently elucidate on the subject.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I assume someone already said that, but fuck you
January 28th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I suffer from all of those.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
fags
first!!1!
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
What I’m not understanding in this article is how flipping through massive amounts of information quickly would actually LOWER reading comprehension?
Wouldn’t learning to process more information quicker at a younger age give children the ability to retain more info… just… getting it more quickly?
I mean, I’m 19, so I’m not quite young enough to say I started reading on the computer at an exorbitantly young age (unless 7 is exceedingly young, which I can’t really comment on). But I was reading for 5 years before I touched a computer.
I CAN, however, say as a semi-avid gamer and one who deals on a daily basis with some very, VERY heavily invested gamer guys that a good number of them aren’t completely socially retarded.
Not… completely.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I play MAD video games (I go to a community college, what else is there to do all day?) and I usually think that this kind of stuff is bullshit, but……
#1 is true, from personal experience: On (the) Playstation Network (I know: im a ps3 fanboy, or more like a ‘SONY FAG-b0i/FAG-b!tc4′)
when I lose angrily I remind myself, and the person who beat me that I win at life by saying “You’re better at [name of Game], but my girlfriend is real.” or “Sorry I gotta go fuck my girlfriend now”
My favorite responses were ‘It’s prolly just some guy posing a girl online’ ‘Have you ever met her?’ and “why does that matter? FAG!”
They are all kind of sad in their own way when you think of it, b/c instead of defending themselves, they figured it’s more likely I’m full of shit; or in the very least delusional/naive.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Girls don’t like video games as much because there’s something wrong with their brains. Excuse me, but I’m running to my local tattoo parlor and get this inked in my dick forever.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Re DirtyJerz: The one that can’t spell “retarded”??
January 28th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
First.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Ironically, other research says it’s backwards. Specifically, humans wouldn’t concentrate so hard on TV, movies, or especially video games, if we weren’t thinking while doing it. Our focus on these things is intense because we are actually absorbing alot of information and reinforcing those social connections. After all, there’s interaction in at least a sizeable chunk of video games.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
first!
January 28th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I’m going to cram all my rambling thoughts into a little box here…
I think I understand, guys. After a few hours of gaming, even I get a little more aggressive. But the alternative is I watch TV for five minutes, realize how fucked we actually are, and go out into the streets with a REAL chainsaw. See? It’s a complete myth that women are lacking the urge to conquer and kill things. I think we just want to be percieved as gentle so we lie about wanting to twist the researcher’s head off and mail it to his mother.
When it comes to video games versus all the other activities you might be doing at, say, 3 am on a Wednesday night, I guess it’s your choice: you can be the conquering hero… or you can be MTV’s mindless zombie. I’d rather be first person than NPC.
(PS- The YuKi is a lie. I’m sorry. But honey, please note that books and videogames are not mutually exclusive.)
Whew. Now that that’s over… GTA, anyone?
January 28th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Everybody’s different.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
LoL:
X There are a myriad of spelling errors.
O There are myriad spelling errors.
Actually, myriad can be either a noun or an adjective, so both are correct. However, the “are” in the first example should be an “is”.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Talking of girls and video games, somewhere in the PS1 era, Casio released a game console for Japan called the Loopy. It was marketed entirely at girls.
It only had one controller port. Apparently chicks don’t get together and play video games in Japan, either. It did feature a sticker printer, though. What is it with girls and stickers?
A grand total of 10 games were released for the system, mostly “girl meets boy” and dress-up type games. Sheez, even the gameboy had Tetris.
now, on those “girl meets boy” games. WTF were you thinking, Casio? Video games allow us to do things we can never do in real life (can YOU monkey around the hillside throwing barrels all over the place? didn’t think so. Also, Fuck You K. Rool.) By giving teenage girls video games as an outlet for seducing males, you’re distracting them from doing so in reality.
Or, you’re training them how. Damn, now I’m confused.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I know she’s not looking at the comments section after her post, but for every one else’s benefit ScarletPirate was obviously one of those who didn’t read the article properly Like Robbie B predicted.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:57 am
haha suck it commenters! Not me though, I don’t comment.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Hmm, I’m plenty aggressive when I’m playing a FPS online, like CoD4. But it is true that I can not play for a while, and be okay with it. Some of my guy friends never turn off their xboxs.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:54 am
One more person tells me I can’t play video games as well because I’m a girl and I will go on a rampage. (Note: I will not be looking at the comments section after my post.) Please, please stop telling girls they can’t play video games, and you might actually get a gf who plays games too. Imagine a world where the comment “I’m going to spend $600 on a new system, games and accessories” is met with enthusiasm.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Most of these seem like total bullshit, but from selling video games, working with gamers all day every day, and (God help me) marrying a gamer, I’m thinking there might be something to that whole male PMS/violent games thing.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am
“Usage Note: Throughout most of its history in English myriad was used as a noun, as in a myriad of men. In the 19th century it began to be used in poetry as an adjective, as in myriad men. Both usages in English are acceptable…this poetic, adjectival use became so well entrenched generally that many people came to consider it as the only correct use.”
January 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am
God damn kids with their god damn rock ‘n roll and tv and… *pulls head out of sand, looks around, replaces head beneath sand were its safe* video games.
Without going on a tirade it’s pretty much everything that was covered in the 2008: the year the geeks took over story earlier this month. Oh, and please keep in mind, UCLA is a public university. They don’t get their funding from leprechauns or by whoring themselves out, they get it from you, the taxpayer. We’re all funding their research to tell us we’re artards (though being on cracked doesn’t say glowing things about us either)
Good article, the XBOX Live add was brilliant
January 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am
That whole, last paragraph just cracked me up. Nice job with that one, Brockway. That’s a real Cracked article right there.
Also, I’m going to keep treating your articles as though they’re your first just because you’re the newest, you were not here when I joined the Cracked community, and will, therefore, always be the newbie until a newer blogger shows up.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Exactly, Darkmage, but I think it’s the fact that you’ve been reading at a young age and such that you developed these skills, whereas these are the more extreme cases that those who do almost nothing but video games employ. I too am like you, can read and comprehend and can put down video games whenever I want. But I do have to agree that anyone I know who we know as “never stops playing video games” exhibits these tendencies.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Darkmage,
Obviously, as in EVERY scientific experiment ever done, there will be some variance in the results. Not everyone that smokes gets lung cancer; does that mean that “McScientists” are wrong? No, it just means that not everybody is exactly the same. However, the urgency with which you protest leads me to believe that you see a little more of yourself in the above descriptions than you’d like, and the only course of action you could come up with was to try to invalidate the entire article.
In other words, “Methinks thou doth protest too much.”
January 28th, 2009 at 11:42 am
@EddieBrock412:
Nah, their brains are broken.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I’m 20 and my reading comprehension is fine. I think. (I don’t know what that means.)
January 28th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Myriad is one of the most misused words in the English language. Myriad means ‘many,’ and you wouldn’t say that you had a many of something.
X There are a myriad of spelling errors.
O There are myriad spelling errors.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:36 am
fag
but seriously, you got the halo crowd on xbox live perfectly there,
still a massive fag
January 28th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I don’t think women’s lack of urge for dominance can be likened so easily to brain damage. It’s probably just that they don’t have the evolutionary instinct to dominate that men have from the early human days of killing a female’s young so that they can mate with them, killing rival males in view of other challengers, and the like.
So the more advanced technology gets, the more it keeps us functioning in the way of our barbaric ancestry.
…I just blew my *own* mind with that
January 28th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Well, that didn’t come out exactly right, did it? Should have said “except for those few who ARE women,” not “those few who are not themselves women.”
January 28th, 2009 at 11:33 am
“Pro Tip: If you mention this fact to any women, try to explain it in exactly those words.”
You’re making two major assumptions here. One, that the average Cracked reader has conversations with women (those few who are not themselves women, in which case they are probably muttering to themselves or their cats most of the time) and two, that Cracked readers of either sex would publicly admit to being Cracked readers.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:32 am
lawrence, it’s a picture from Requim for a Dream, saturated in Awesome Sauce.
that’s where it’s fucking from.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:29 am
All these facts are such utter BS!!
I’m 22, grew up with computers and games consoles and have used them for as long as I remember and I now work as a pro sound engineer which requires me to use complex computer technology all day/every day.
I also read prolifically, have done since a very young age, have no speech issues whatsoever, can communicate very well with almost anybody, have good self esteem and can leave gaming for however long if I just dont feel like it or other things take priority.
Oh and I’m English.
So, basically all these “facts” that these McScientists have pulled out of their arses are bullshit, as per usual.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:28 am
An by the way, I’m a woman and I’m a hardcore gamer who hasn’t lost her figure and I’m popular. Yeah people, the science its a lier.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I really think that this article and the “science” its… FAKE!!!!
I’m a Hardcore gamer since I was like four years old and now I’m a teenager, but I’m a “normal” person.
And you know, most people used to say this kind of things about the books, and now they say that the books are the glory of the culture and all that stuff that they scream to you to make you read and stop playing videogames…
January 28th, 2009 at 11:18 am
where is the first pic in #3 addiction from?
January 28th, 2009 at 11:11 am
None of these “studies” are even remotely credible.
January 28th, 2009 at 11:03 am
awesome read man …. everything in this article is so true. Listening to little 13 year olds with there headsets on screaming and swearing like mad because they got shot in the face with a shot-gun is priceless. Then again, its sad knowing they probably havent seen the light of day or talked to a girl.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Gay.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:48 am
I nearly cried at the XBOX Live advertisement. Pure hilarity.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:46 am
I was once called a “shitty pussy” on Xbox Live
January 28th, 2009 at 10:45 am
halo is just doom with vehicles.
megan fox still looks like a boy with a boob job-why is everyone on his nuts?
January 28th, 2009 at 10:43 am
That last sentence had me laughing after a hard day at the office, just picturing it! Thanks for that mr. Brockway.
Also, what up with the world being so hard on videogames. Though linking xbox live bitching to male PMS seems fair…
January 28th, 2009 at 10:42 am
TWENTIETH!
January 28th, 2009 at 10:34 am
And i first played games when i was 9 so i didn’t grow up on them thank god……….damn them
January 28th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Good article, i play games, and i am cutting down on it. And why do people always say first when theirs no comments? That’s so gay.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am
May it be noted that I never played video games when I was a kid. My little sister, however, played them since age 6 or so. Which one of us is slightly retarted? I’ll let you figure that one out.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Here we go:
Fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags, fags.
Firsts!!1! Firsts!!1! Firsts!!1! Firsts!!1! Firsts!!1! Firsts!!1!
STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B STFU ABOUT HALOP N00B.
This means that from here on out only non-retarded comments are allowed.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Great article, I rarely view the comments section due to the reasons listed above but how about another article about the comments sections/writers
January 28th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Wow… nice article… I think part of it is probably truth for hardcore gamers. Those of us who use videogames in a more recreational use are safe… I hope…
January 28th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I have to agree with Gallowsbait down there. I was always a social outcast well into my teens and started playing video games because of that.
However, I like to think I’m rather well-adjusted and well-liked now that I’ve hit my mid-20’s and can look back on those days (where EVERYONE was socially awkward and unpopular in High School, even the popular kids) and chuckle.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:18 am
I’ve maintained the theory, since writing one of my college research papers ten years ago, that it’s not the video games that are causing these behaviors. It’s the natural predispositions of certain people to be attracted to such outlets. They drift towards gaming because they don’t have the body type or 20/20 vision required for most sports and public interactions. I’ve seen plenty of specific internet behaviors exhibitted nearly identically in those people’s real lives. So seriously, I can haz grant munny?
January 28th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I have to shovel snow now.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Damn you, Ihazname.
Damn you to hell.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:09 am
8ST!
And stfu about halo, n00b.
January 28th, 2009 at 10:02 am
STFU ABOUT HALO N00B
January 28th, 2009 at 9:57 am
I can haz comment?
January 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I’m pretty sure they’ve got the social dysfunction one backwards, because I’m pretty sure I’ve always been awkward and unpopular, but didn’t start playing video games until I was well into my teens. I do think that games might tend to encourage such symptoms, but definitely not cause them.
I have noticed, though, that ever since the internet I can’t type anything without having to fight the urge to put a smiley at the end of every sentence.
January 28th, 2009 at 9:52 am
fags
January 28th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Anony mouse: I’d like to answer your question.
Saying first is essentially saying nothing. For me the most annoying is when someone post “first” and nothing else. You are excited because while the rest of the world was slower to hit the comments button? I don’t mind wanting recognition for your achievements, but I don’t agree that reading an article is an achievement. Post a witty reply instead. Offer yourself as a sex object, or provide a brief synopsis of your opinion of the article.
Just some ideas, however I admit I’ve never actually been first so maybe I don’t understand. Is there some sort of euphoric high the overwhelms you body? Do you get six pack abs and perfect hair? What the fuck is going on?!?!
January 28th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Actually, my mom is a getting her doctorate in psychology, and she’s trying to prove that video games are beneficial. Especially first person shooters. If any of you gamers want to troll survey monkey, she’s going to post a survey that you can fill out. =)
January 28th, 2009 at 9:30 am
everyone hates “first” because those people are gay, fag, pukebitch, nerds.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Nice article, Brockway. Well-researched AND funny. Also made me want to go play Starcraft.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:53 am
…. I hate to say it, but f*** if #1 isn’t true.
tl:dr: read a F***’in book.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:28 am
I was disinclined to believe this applied to me, having learned to read from books, and not having a computer my whole life. My first gaming console came when I was thirteen, for pity’s sake! But, then, I realized I had an overwhelming urge to type ‘first’ when I saw there were no comments at the bottom of the page, and I basically realized ‘holy fucking shit, I’m a goner’…
January 28th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Great stuff. Anyone figure out how to do a Ganzfeld successfully yet? I tried one lo-tech but it didn’t work well.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:18 am
first!
no but seriously, i also hate stupid commenters. i don’t know why everyone hates “first” though.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:17 am
This article reminded me of the Cracked classic - 7 ways the 21st century is making you miserable.