Cracked Columnists

5 Awful Official Websites of People Who Should Know Better

#2. "Hi, I'm Famous Author Suzanne Collins. What Is Website?"

Suzanne Collins is the incredibly successful author of the Hunger Games book trilogy that is now going to be the Hunger Games movie trilogy. She's pretty good with words, but no one ever told her or whoever designed her website what to do with space.

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

A lot of people say "simple is better," and that's true, but a lot of other people also say "that doesn't mean it should look like crap. You're a professional, it's 2012, step your game up."

(I don't know for sure that a lot of people say that.)

Collins isn't about loading her page with badge after badge of news links and blog links and store links, like George R.R. Martin; she just wants to focus on the essentials. Which is why it's even crazier that you can't actually buy her books anywhere on her site.

She has four buttons:

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

If you click "Works," you get taken to a list of her books.

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

And if you click on one of those books, you don't get taken to an Amazon link, or anything. You just get a bunch of quotes about and awards for that book.

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

There's a "Quick Links" section at the very bottom with links to Amazon, Scholastic, Barnes & Noble and every other well-known bookseller ...

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

... but those links don't take you to a page where you can buy one of Collins' books, they literally just take you to the homepage of Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Scholastic. Just helpful links, in case anyone needs to know how to get to Amazon.com.

I know she's just aiming for the basics with her site but, really, "Buy my book HERE" should absolutely be considered one of those basics.

The Highlight:

SuzanneCollinsBooks.com

You're adorable. Don't ever change.

#1. AAAHHHH! Look Out, It's SipHawaii! AAAHHH!

Cracked.com has a superfan who sends our office a care package every single Christmas. Since this superfan is from Hawaii, the package contains a bunch of Hawaiian calendars, coffee, pancake mix, post-it notes and other various pieces of Hawaii-related stuff. She's a great gal, and we look forward to getting the package every year.

Not long ago, I started wondering what company SENDS all of these things. What one company has access to all of these items? I did some digging, and I found it. SipHawaii.com.

This is the part where I'd show you images from the site, but I don't want to be held responsible for any seizures it might cause. If you want to go to the site, you can proceed at your own risk. It's roughly this:

SipHawaii.com

I never have any idea where to look. There's no guide or style to this site, it's just a lawless frontier of oddly shaped links and buttons competing for attention. It's the Wild West of crazy Internet sites, where anarchy rules. They go back and forth between different font sizes, sometimes switching in the middle of a sentence, and every time they spell the word "variety," they make every single letter a different color. It's horrible.

SipHawaii.com

I'm sure there's a way to, like, do things on this site, but every time I click on the link, I just end up yelling "Stop it!" until one of my co-workers shuts off the monitor. So I'm probably not the best judge of the site's functionality.

The Highlight:

Literally anything, but, remember, you've been warned.


Special thanks to my wonderful Twitter followers for the research help!

For more from Daniel, check out 4 Inexplicably Huge Internet Trends and It's Surprisingly Easy to Accidentally Pick Up a Prostitute.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Daniel O'Brien

  • Rss

More by Daniel O'Brien:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

872 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!