Cracked Columnists

4 Ways High School Makes You Hate Reading

#2. Anything Fun Is Too Shallow

Sometimes they let kids read one or two "fun" books (like the Hunger Games books or something) in a concession to try to keep them into reading. But they treat them like candy, a necessary evil that you should spend as little time on as possible. Maybe you give a book report, but otherwise they don't want to waste time on that popular crap.

The argument is that fun and popular books are too shallow to get much out of. They're not going to have as many themes, or new vocabulary words, or symbols, or unusual storytelling techniques as a classic novel. And that's probably true in a lot of cases. The point they're missing here is that most high school classes never even get close to digging out all the analyzable stuff from a book, because of time limits or limits of the students' reading level. So imagine books as oil wells, full of tarry, black, flammable ideas to analyze. War and Peace has like a ton of light sweet crude going 5 miles deep and Jurassic Park is about, I don't know, 10 feet deep.


Not to scale.

From my experience, even the average honors class only ends up drilling down about 9 feet. Tolstoy sure has a lot more to offer, but you're never going to get to it.

Maybe that's a good experience to have -- to know that there are books that are totally going to make you feel out of your league and take a lot of time to fully grasp. But you should also have the experience of thoroughly analyzing most of the facets of a book to get an idea of all the parts you should be looking at, and just to have the satisfaction of mastering something. You can get a Cliffs Notes overview of a big, complex book, and then just totally dismantle a more lightweight book like you are rebuilding a '57 Chevy.

By Buck, via Wikimedia Commons
That's one of those cars people rebuild, right? I don't know cars.

And when you're discussing universal themes like good and evil, redemption, belief, and farts, or common techniques like symbolism, irony, and first- vs. third-person narrative, I think it's a mistake to only look at them in classic literature. It creates an artificial barrier between classics and modern-day popular media so that a lot of people who learn those concepts while reading Shakespeare don't think about applying them to Inception.

I think it would be kind of neat to have an assignment dealing with a character's turn from good to evil where you compare how it's done in Paradise Lost, Animal Farm, Breaking Bad, the Star Wars prequels and Warcraft III. Where was it most believable and why? How much of it was character-driven and how much of it was driven by outside circumstances or magic? And you'll probably get to use the term "deus ex machina" somewhere in there. Literary!

You'd read Paradise Lost or Dorian Gray or whatever in class, and it's up to you to find other things to compare them to. You only get one video game. (And if it's Deus Ex, you're not allowed to use the term "deus ex machina.")

Ill Gaming
I read in Reader's Digest or something that some mom was shocked when her kid asked for this game because she thought he was saying "Day of Sex." That is now the only thing I will call that game.

Instead of asking kids to accept the idea that some books are deep and some books are not because we say so, why not have them look at the "deep version" and the "shallow version" of the same plot? Hamlet and The Lion King or something. When they compare and contrast them, they'll probably see for themselves what The Lion King is missing, even if they like it better. Of course they should also be allowed to say what they think Hamlet is missing, too (lions).

#1. Enjoy Reading? Preposterous!

There is a point in time where a lot of adults stop telling kids that reading is fun and start telling them that reading should be work. That if you're not improving your mind and broadening your horizons, reading that book is just a waste of your time. And they have a lot of ideas about what kinds of books broaden kids' minds.

By Anton Huttenlocher, via Wikimedia Commons
This is one of the few books that doesn't make any lists.

One writer suggests that what kids really need is more contemporary foreign literature. The comments are full of different adults saying, "What kids really need to be reading is ..." followed by their favorite book, or a list of books that teach about issues important to them (the adult). Like this guy feels the most important goal of reading should be to protect kids' minds ... from religion, I think? Or communism? The Skin book is kind of random.

Huffington Post

And this teacher feels like kids should not waste their summers reading The Hunger Games because they don't gain much "verbal and world knowledge," recommending The Red Badge of Courage and a bunch of nonfiction books about the horrors experienced by real people in other times and places, like Hiroshima, well-known as a great summer romp. These are really valuable books, and kids should have some idea about the world around them, but seriously, even in the summer, they can't read a book just for fun?

She says: "Summer assignments should be about why we need to learn and why we need to talk about what we think." Sure, that's an important lesson that needs to be taught at some point, but when is there time for them to learn the other important lesson: Reading is something you can also do for fun, when you are taking a break from learning? You can't just tell people that and hope they remember it when they graduate and finally have time for it. That's something they need to learn by doing it and experiencing the fun.

Ill Gaming
Like you shouldn't play a video game about a day of sex; you should just go out and have one.

I was a really fast reader and had no life, so I probably had the time to read important, assigned books as well as fun things over the summer, but most of the other kids I knew didn't read that fast and had a lot of activities, and, you know, friends or something. If you assigned them a book to read for the summer, that was probably going to be the only one they would have time to get to. They would see reading as a hateful devil that chases you relentlessly, even into your leisure months.

Getty
Here is a painting of -- I am not joking -- the devil trying to get St. Augustine to read something.

I'm not saying people should stop teaching classics or make the entire curriculum out of Stephen King books, but at a certain point in a kid's life, reading gets turned into all work and no play (which makes Jack uninteresting or something ... I forget). You've got to really be pretty crazy about reading to come out on the other side still excited about the next book you're about to open. (And you'll probably lose that excitement after going through any literary fiction for adults these days, but that is another story.)

As for me, I haven't given up on reading. I'm still looking for good books to read, but I've been burned so much by recommendations that I've instituted a new procedure for the approval of any new reading material. I will require at least five notarized affidavits from me-certified book evaluators who give the book at least 4 out of 5 stars in three major evaluation categories (pacing, character development and amount of dinosaurs, for example) before I will read it. Certification is a fairly straightforward process involving an application in which you list your favorite books and other media and a brief essay describing what you think I am looking for in a book. If your application is satisfactory, it will be followed by two phone interviews. Certification can be revoked at any time if evidence surfaces of you reading Fifty Shades of Grey or other disqualifying material unless you can submit witness statements from two independent evaluators testifying that you were only reading it so you could write jokes about it. This might sound like a great deal of trouble to recommend a book, but think about what's at stake, man. I could be bored for several hours! Who wants that on their hands?



Check out more from Christina in 6 Bad Ideas in Video Game Mash-Ups We'll Probably See Next and 6 Ways Cities Are Getting Into the Attention-Whore Game.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Christina H

  • Rss

More by Christina H:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

2,620 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!