So last week’s HBN on Kid Rock was kind of a big deal for me. It hit the widest audience of anything I’ve ever done in my life. (Not counting my hilarious turn as www.suicidegirls.com in Swaim’s Internet Party skit where all but a quick shot of my black nail-polished left hand was cut from the video at the very last second.) But with that larger audience came, not only an outpouring of support, but some nasty hate mail. In truth, I spent most of Tuesday crying. Fortunately, my Cracked family was there for me: Mike Swaim dressed up like a clown when he raped my dog, Dan O’Brien regaled me with forgotten stories about our days as a crime-fighting duo, and Chris and Ross ignored me in a friendlier, more empathetic way.
It really is like one complete loving family. Jack is the hard-drinking absentee father and Lex is the Uncle who’s not allowed to babysit anymore. We need a mom.
Anyway, today we’re looking at the trailer to Mike Myers new movie The Love Guru. It makes me sad to think that if I ever meet Mike Myers he won’t like me because he’s seen this HBN. But then again, I don’t think I’ll ever meet him and I really don’t think he watches my video segments. So I’m probably on safe ground.
This entry was posted on Monday, June 2nd, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Hate By Numbers, I hate my co-bloggers, Mike Myers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka)
An Open Letter To American Express
Adam Lambert vs. Clay Aiken: The Gayest Feud of All-Time
A Practical Guide To Sexting (For Men Over 30)
Timberlake Speaks Out! But at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, so Very Few People Hear.
Why Fox News Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Talk About Sex (or I Really Truly Hate The Other Four Cracked Columnists)
The Most Irresponsible Science Lesson Ever Taught (Or I’m Sick And I Don’t Want To Blog So Here’s A Bunch Of Random Stuff On My Mind)
HBN Needs Your Help
What’s G-Stone Been Up To? (or Tips For A Great 2009)
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
The movie might not suck that bad if he is just reusing semi funny jokes. It will simply be like the Austin Powers sequels, funny at some parts but not a good movie.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
I have viewed many sexy and hot videos and photos at a celebrities singles dating club———- Blackwhitemeet.com——— where many fans and stars can chat together. And there are many black and white singles who are seeking for ideal match seriously there.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I have viewed many sexy and hot videos and photos at a celebrities singles dating club———- Mixedmingle.com——— where many fans and stars can chat together. And there are many black and white singles who are seeking for ideal match seriously there.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:58 am
But…….. really……… damn……….. fun. Trust me.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
A costa rican cowboy hat sounds like a sexual euphemism for something unspeakably dirty.
June 5th, 2008 at 8:07 am
I was given a cowboy hat in Costa Rica. I’m gonna start wearing that, now.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
kingmonkey, glendoor I propose to you that it is up to us to bring hats back. Let’s do it. Let’s start the revolution.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I agree with the hat things.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Back in 199-2000, Myers was invited to a board meeting to get his career back on the right track.
He could not attend…he had a previous engagement at the Acme Shark Jumping Festival.
He placed 2nd.
Eddie Murphy won.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am
This is why I don’t watch movies anymore. I either feel like I’ve heard all the jokes done better already, or it’s a special effects movie where I feel like I’m watching someone play the video game. Of all the millions of dollars spent on movies, why aren’t there better scripts, and good acting, and interesting stories? Mike Meyers has gotten lazy with age… (along with the rest of Hollywood)
June 4th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Speaking of which– Gladdy, you really should buy yourself a black fedora so you’ll look like the deeply depressed paint-by-numbers guy from your intro graphic. Plus, I just think people should start wearing hats again. Peoplpe used to always wear hats, but now? Just ugly, hairy, sometimes shiny, naked heads everywhere I go. It’s filthy.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
So THAT’S why you took away all my expensive hats.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:02 pm
There are several notable inaccuracies in that comment. This is why you can’t have nice things Neil.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
On behalf of Mr. Gladstone I would like to inform you that there is, indeed a Mrs. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone would, however, like to extend an invite to you for his “LEZ OUT X-FILES BASH”. Basically it’s a trip with Mr. Gladstone and several of his female cracked.com readers/followers to go see the new X-files movie followed by a group masturbation pow-wow to Gillian Anderson.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Having to watch trailers for this and that Zohan thing in the theater this weekend actually made me turn to my date and say “comedy is dead.” Then he laughed, so I was wrong!
Every episode gets better and better, I really hope you keep these up- I’m gonna need a crapload of entertainment to keep me out of the 130 degree Vegas heat this summer. Also, um, purely out of curiousity… is there a Mrs. Gladstone, not counting your mom?
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
Gladstone, are your blogs really on plusmeet.com? I mean, I frequent the place a lot and I have yet to see your profile. Although there is this one freak named Wetstone… HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:21 am
He does seem to frequent that place quite a bit…I’d guess they have good drink specials. I’d highly recommend banging the chick in the background with the martini, though, unless there’s some sort of unexplained prior tension. Goddamn it, we need to get to the bottom of this now.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Even though it’s plain to see Love Guru is going to suck, people are still going to go see that shit.
No wonder Jack O’Brien Hates America. You’re always in that bar Gladstone, are you ok?
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
OMG! I found so many hot sexy vids @@P l u s M e e t . c o m, where so many big boob women, big booty women and big handsome men mingle together! You can also chat with the vid owner and view their blogs!
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Eric Idle was kind of funny in Shrek 3. Shrek is German for terror btw.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I have to admit, I think Zohan looks like it might not suck. Apatow cowrote. I bet everything it’s better than Love Guru.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
the really sad part about this is that he already had rehashed those jokes from earlier days in the first place. For example, you can see the midget/mole joke if you go watch wayne’s world 2 and notice the scene where they are trying to get the proper paperwork to put on waynestock and the guy at the desk has a screwed up eye. Only it was better then because it ended with dana carvey saying “we’ll cross every t and dot every …. lowercase j” - at least when he rehashed it in austin powers he played it a little more over the top so at least it was tweaked and a little different.
The really really sad part is that john oliver is in it and that makes me pissed that I can’t possibly put myself through the torture of seeing this movie. And I want to support john oliver. Also, at least sandler’s movie feels like he’s trying to go back to something less shitty than his recent string of movie like 50 first dates and mr. deeds. Trying to rewind the clock to better days. I can sorta tell he won’t succeed and will wind up in Little Nicky territory where I won’t go see it, but I’ll catch it on comedy central 2 or 3 years from now and i won’t hate myself for watching it even though it sucks (I mean at least it felt like he was trying to regain something he lost long long ago and he did some pretty good pandering in that movie). The love guru or w/e just looks like mike meyers will be doing the same exact thing he’s done his entire career except louder and more obnoxious. I love waynes world. It’s one of my favorite movies. Every scene is classic. Never should have made a sequel (but as far as comedy sequels go, it wasn’t half bad - especially when compared to meyers’ later work). Austin Powers was a lot of fun and the second wasn’t bad, but had already diluted the concept as far as it could go. The third one was just mike meyers running around in costumes doing accents and making the same 5 jokes he’s made a million times. Shrek wasn’t for me, but i can appreciate it and understand why people love it. Shrek 2 wasn’t nearly as good, but was a lot funnier. Shrek 3 was an abortion. And I refuse to mention the suess movie. This looks to be worse than austin powers 3, better than the cat, around shrek 3. Fantastic. I can’t wait for the love guru 2.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Oh, yeah, last time Myers was funny, or Eddie Murphy for that matter, was Shrek and Shrek the third was pushing it.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Next one I’m gonna see is The Hulk, then Batman.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Not gonna see it.
Get Smart opens the same day, and that has claim upon my meager movie dollars.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Oh, way to go, Mac. Thanks for blowing my cover. I didn’t think anyone would EVER break my super-secret nom de plume. Curses!
Does anyone ever really stop being Ruffiani? And no, the chat is sadly, no more. But that’s okay, cuz everyone on spinnwebe got old and fat anyway (including yours truly.) Nothing sadder than a bunch of old, cranky fat people with no one to abuse.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Alanis,
When did you stop going by AliasN? You still Ruffiani? Do they still even chat there anymore? I dropped in a few months ago and it was dead as the jokes in this trailer.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Yeah, Dana is a woman’s name. I guess yankees like giving their boys gay names.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I’m not familiar with celebrities but… isn’t Dana a woman’s name? i though you were spaking about a woman.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
It’s his 52nd birthday today in a sad coincidence.
Isn’t he from Maine? Maybe it’s the shared accent that’s so strikingly similar.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Oh, the irony! Spanked by a monkey!
Good job as usual, Mr. Gladstone. Speaking of Dana Carvey, what the hell ever happened to him? I remember he had that botched heart surgery, and then it seems like he just dropped off the face of the earth. He was a hell of a lot funnier than Mike Myers.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
If you start spouting simpleminded one-liners from Love Guru like that Ron Burgundy jackass from a while ago, I’ll be very cross with you. I may even have to spank you.
In fact: why not be on the safe side? Spankings for everyone!
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
im still probably going to see it anyway.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
OSS 117, Nest of Spies looks great, kingmonkey +1! oh, and good Hate by Numbers gladstone, sir. Keep up the good work. and get me some of those scented candles.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:50 am
I’ve been curious about who’s new movie is gonna suck more, Myers’s or Sandlers. I’m putting money on Myers
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:27 am
I liked the first Austin Powers movie, but the subsequent movies were already self-parodies. It’s no surprise that this flick will follow the exact same formula of jokes. Although, if you want to see someone who really does bring to mind Peter Sellers, check out the trailer for OSS 117, Nest of Spies. That lead actor reminds me of Sellers playing James Bond.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:27 am
I hate to say it, but I’m starting to think Mike Myers is an actual Casnadian destoyer (of comedy, that is).
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:39 am
Hey Gladstone, I noticed it last Hate By Numbers, and the mention of Wayne’s World has brought it even more into my conscience, but you’re scarily like Dana Carvey.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am
A bit random but just ran across this Top 10 celebrity nipple slips list. Which one of these co-starred in a Mike Myers Movie?
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
Jedifreak has a good point. After all, we watch Mel Gibson get cruelly tortured in film after film (Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, Payback, and if you count torture by proxy, The Passion of the Christ), but it’s still funny every single time.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
He makes a good point, but it is too funny to not watch.
Yes, I like laughing at old jokes. We tell them all the time and watch old Mel Brooks films. Don’t see you complaining about his reuse of the same jokes.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
this is actually a total ripoff of an earlier indian movie called the guru starring an actual indian guy. most of america didt watch it because it was a good movie and had brown people so there making a movie based on how ridiculous a shalwar kameez(what hes wearing) looks to white people.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 am
Holy shit, FIRST.