I am not a big fan of this new modern tendency to document every damned thing we do in our lives. Yes, I am on Twitter now, but that's mainly just so I can keep up with when a fresh batch of popcorn chicken hits at my local KFC.
EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY THIS IS HAPPENING.
But I don't see the need to share every photo taken by or of me. Most of them, frankly, aren't that interesting, just a basically handsome dude doing basically normal things handsomely. I will admit there's a chance I'm just being old and weird, and maybe if I grew up on the Facebook, I'd feel differently. But one of the things about being old and weird is that you get pretty insistent that everyone else should become the same kind of weird as you, so I'm doing that. Strap in.
Because frankly, the majority of pictures we're Facebooking and Flikring and Instagramming are bullshit. Even if you are interested in the people being photographed, is this picture of them drinking at a party really any different from the 80 other pictures you have of them drinking at a party? We take the picture so we don't forget, but if we were going to forget, was it worth remembering in the first place?
Let's consider those pictures of Phelps blowing Puff's glass dick again. Even if this was some asshole who was deliberately going to sell this picture, I've seen the exact same thing happen in less-blackmaily circumstances, and every time I do, I have to ask, "What exactly was this supposed to memorialize?" The funny part of marijuana isn't even the inhaling! Get me a picture of a glassy-eyed Phelps watching his friends play Mario Kart for three hours. That'd be pretty funny. Hell, at least get a picture of a caned Phelps thinking about addition.
"But where does the equal sign come from?"
So let's say you've screwed your friend out of a job, his girlfriend broke up with him and he's been bumped back a few spots in line for the throne of England. Whoops. Now imagine it's a few days or weeks later and you're having a fun night out with him. Gonna be tense, isn't it?
We hang around people who are more like us than not, which means that if you're the kind of asshole who would semi-accidentally screw over one of your friends, you can bet they're the kind of asshole who would semi-deliberately do the same. Which means you can look forward to nights sitting like a coiled spring, waiting for him to spike your drink, or set you on fire, or install a suspicious new mirror in your bedroom.
"Just relax and finish your drink. What's that? Yes, this will make it look bigger. What? 'Just thinking about it is working?' Oh come on, man."
Check out more from Bucholz in 10 Survival Tips Now That Google Knows You're On To Them and 8 Ways To Control Your Dreams: Plan Ahead, Bring a Machete.