Unpopular Opinion Podcast: Do Kids Prove We're Doomed? 5 Terrifying Ways Police Can Legally Screw You Over 5 Types of Movie Adaptations That Must Be Stopped
Cracked Columnists

4 Reasons 'Lost' is the New 'Star Wars'

The Star Wars prequels brought great despair to many fans of the series as they went into the theater expecting a grown-up version of what they loved, instead witnessing a toddler's vision of action and adventure and, you know, people talking. I don't know about you (I can guess), but a metaphorical hole had formed in my heart next to the very real hole in my heart.

Then I watched Lost and I found the adult action/adventure/sci-fi/fantasy/mystery I was waiting for. I look forward to one day introducing my kids to Star Wars, like my father before me (OMG! That line's from Star Wars!). What do I look forward to more than that, though? Introducing them to Lost and wasting away entire days while my wife files for Lost (Sorry, I was going to say "divorce," but I just kept Lost-ing about Lost). My children will be well-adjusted.

LOST is the new Star Wars, and you must bow to it and start watching it now, because you still have a month before the final season starts. You have one month, so says the coolest trailer for the show ever:

Influenced By...

When George "I Am Writing Am Dialogues, Yes?" Lucas made the original trilogy, he was heavily influenced by Flash Gordon, Kurosawa films, comic books, the Wizard of Oz, and countless other things he loved from his childhood. When he made the prequels, he did not have any of those influences. All he did was try to make another Star Wars movie, and I have a sneaking suspicion that George "Mesa Racist" Lucas doesn't actually like Star Wars. Also, last time I checked, L. Frank Baum didn't spend a lot of time dealing with trade disputes or the magic bugs that live inside your blood (Some Wookiees).

Lost is influenced by many things, like the Wizard of Oz, The Prisoner, Twin Peaks and so on. However, Lost is mostly influenced by Star Wars. You have a couple Han Solos, a couple Luke Skywalkers, mystical forces at work, ghosts, siblings unaware they are siblings, mass extinction, good guys shooting guns out of bad guys' hands, bad guys shooting guns poorly, and enough father issues to make a Girls Gone Wild Criterion Collection.

And the comic relief? Instead of a gay robot and a much gayer robot, it's a Star Wars-referencing smile.

Sure he's cursed or whatever, but he's also fluent in over six million forms of the word "dude."

Influences On...

Star Wars changed movies and essentially created the summer blockbuster. Whether that's a good thing (Jurassic Park) or a bad thing (Transformers and 108 other movies), there's no denying that Star Wars paved the way. Lost is perched to do the exact same thing for television, for better and worse.

Our recent List-Off '09 pointed something very important out: Television has gotten noticeably stupider and smarter in the past ten years. The problem with all of the "smarter" shows is the fact that (although these shows introduced serialization, continuity, and PAYING ATTENTION TO television) all of these shows failed to deliver when crunch time arrived. Shows got over-the-top or they treaded water until they were mercy-killed because, even if you have continuing storylines, none of it matters if you don't know where your story ends or what's supposed to happen. Just ask George "Let's Have Padme Die Of A Broken Heart Instead Of Anakin Crushing Her To Death" Lucas.

From the inception of Lost, creators Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams (and Carlton Cuse) planned out their entire show from beginning to end. Yes, they've had to make changes due to issues with actors and time constraints, but the A-Z story has always been the same. In fact, in the middle of season 3, the writers of the show went to ABC and essentially cancelled themselves so they could tell their complete story and end it at an appropriate pace. After that deal, something AWESOME happened on the show and it got even better than it already was.

"I have an amazing idea for a television show," someone might say in the future. "I know how it ends and it's epic and I can tell the whole story effectively in 4 seasons."

"Make it 3 trilogies, do it out of order, and don't really..." A flannelled, bearded gentleman might respond. "Just don't do it well."

Then that first person will talk to someone else and make a really tight, well-paced, complete story from the beginning. No filler episodes. No clip shows. No podracing.

"Now THIS is storytelling!"

Fanboys

All fanboys are the same.

Jokes

The best thing about Star Wars is how hilarious it is. I love it, but it's hilarious. Just ask Simon Pegg or Kevin Smith or ANY Star Wars fan/comedian. In fact, just go to YouTube and search for "funny star wars," then spend the next 5 days watching everything that pops up. Everyone's got at least one Star Wars joke. Here is the one I am choosing to show you, because I know you haven't seen it already.

It's the same thing with Lost. Just ask PaulScheer.

And me:

Feel free to check out 11 other musical Lost jokes I made last year, as well: JOKE!

For those too lazy to sit down and watch TV, I am going to help you out by ruining the entire show for you. Starting next week, I will (probably) release a new spoiler-heavy song about Lost (with jokes) every week until it comes back on the air. Just to catch you up (with jokes).

But...

THERE IS STILL TIME!

A Twitter-using person I know recently gave in and finally watched the show and tweeted it. Please notice that he finished 5 seasons in twelve days. You have one month to do what one insane person did in twelve days. Watch the whole series so far on Hulu. Don't let yourself down.

Don't let George "Never Let You Down" Lucas down.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Cody

  • Rss

More by Cody:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

205 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!