There are always people getting mad about something somewhere, but all we ever hear about are the bigger arguments -- politics, nerdy movie debates, celebrity scandals. Lots of other controversies fall through the cracks. Some are so silly and inconsequential that they demand to be heard.
#4. An NFL Running Back Stars In A Carl's Jr. Commercial Full Of Burger Lies
An NFL player can make as much, if not more, from endorsements as he does playing the game itself. So when Los Angeles Rams running back Todd Gurley landed a spot in a Carl's Jr. commercial coming off his impressive rookie year, he must have been ecstatic. Too bad the commercial was eventually released. See if you can figure out the problem people have with it:
If you haven't figured it out, here's a bunch of YouTube commenters spelling it out for you:
When the commenters on the video weren't asking for the name of the sexy blonde in the ad, they were wondering why Gurley bit into a picture of a burger and not a real burger. It's not often that YouTube commenters are 100-percent right. That burger is about as real as the chances of a professional athlete eating a fast food burger before their retirement.
For one, it's supposed to cave at the end being bitten, and all the fillings should get blown out the ass-end, especially with that weak burger grip Gurley's got there. His fingers are behind the burger. He's holding it by the lettuce. If he can hold a burger by the lettuce and not have that thing fall apart in a floppy grease disaster, then he's not a running back, he's a wizard.
There was a whole Reddit thread bemoaning the laziness of the post-production work, and Adweek speculated (hopefully in jest) that Gurley's refusal to actually bite into a burger in a burger commercial means he might be a vegetarian. Meanwhile, tech site Petapixel did some investigating. They theorize that a still image taken from a few seconds before Gurley takes a bite was duplicated and plopped over his hand in place of the negative space he was biting into.
Meanwhile, Carl's Jr. tried to defuse the situation by providing this picture, which clearly shows Gurley still not eating one of their burgers.
The picture didn't do the trick, so later that day, Carl's Jr. coughed up what will go down in history as the Zapruder film of football players eating burgers in commercials. It's raw footage of Gurley taking no fewer than three real bites from actual, physical, non-copy-and-pasted burgers, on set, with the cameras rolling and everything.
Hey, a lot of things in SoCal are enhanced but Todd really did eat A LOT of Cali Classics. Available at Carl's Jr. Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã?Ã?ÃÂ°Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã????Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã????Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???Ã?Ã??Ã?Ã???? pic.twitter.com/uWH2QfHtEi- Carl's Jr. (@CarlsJr) June 10, 2016
It undeniably proves that Gurley ate a burger, and it also proves that Carl's Jr. can't film a commercial unless it features a half-naked woman trying to get impregnated by a cheeseburger.
#3. Ticketmaster Is Giving Away Free Tickets! (To Terrible Concerts)
In 2003, two guys bought tickets for Wilco and Bruce Springsteen concerts. They were so upset about having to pay the fees Ticketmaster tacks onto every sale that they slapped the company with a class-action lawsuit ... and won. Thirteen years later, the settlement kicked in: free (or lightly discounted) concert tickets for anyone who had purchased a ticket between October 21, 1999 and February 27, 2013. Sounds great! But this is Ticketmaster, so you know there's a hidden catch that's going to ruin the whole thing.
Some of the concerts to choose from included big names, like Bob Dylan, Snoop Dogg, The Cure, Weezer, Alabama Shakes, and Def Leppard. But most didn't. Soon after the program began, all that was left were bands no cared about. The free tickets to all the good shows disappeared faster than a millennial can say "Who the hell is Steely Dan?" Then, another issue arose: Not only were the remaining bands terrible, but the shows were hundreds of miles away from most buyers. This deadly combo of irrelevance and inconvenience led to tweets like these:
Glitches in Ticketmaster's system prevented a lot of people from getting tickets at all, which is probably for the best for folks who wanted to see Pitbull perform at a burning chemical factory on the moon.
So if you wanted to see a good band for free, then sorry, you're shit out of luck. Ticketmaster gave away three times as many free tickets as they were legally obligated to, so they've shut the program down. All that's left are the minuscule discounts on tickets. But if you own all 1,457 Kidz Bop albums dating back to 1944, when an Irish children's choir covered the Bing Crosby classic "Swingin' On A Star," you can save $2.50 on tickets to Kidz Bop Tour 2016, which you'll need to buy plane tickets to catch. That's a pretty sweet deal.
"Hey, Chet! My nose is bleeding! Can you be a doll and blow the coke up my ass?"